[HeartBreaker3]

HI All, Here is my current situation... 2 months ago I broke up with what I thought was the love of my life. We have a beautiful 4 yr old daughter together and have been with each other for 7 yrs. The relationship took a turn for the worse about 2 1/2 yrs ago and I ended it 2months ago. He has been crazy! Stalking, harassing, etc. I've been dealing with that the best I can.

During all of this I met up with a good friend from high school. He became an open ear and shoulder to cry on... and as the story goes one thing led to another a few weeks ago. We've been hanging out and seeing each other but he has admitted to falling in love with me. He knew and is very aware of the situation I am just leaving and still dealing with and I made it very clear that I am not looking to 'throw all my eggs in another basket' at the moment.

How do I end this unofficial relationship with him when he is now in love with me? I don't want to break his heart but I'm honestly not ready for all of that again so soon. How do I now just back off and tell him I can't see him anymore? I would hate to loose him completely but I know that after this there is no way we could stay in each others lives. He feels very strongly about me and I do not have the same feelings at the moment.

[geminichick]

First of all, you need to report your ex to the police and get a restraining order against him. I know that's scary but I was in your position. The problem is if your ignore him and don't do anything about him stalking and harassing you it can escalate and become worse. He needs to know by you going to the police and getting an order against him that you will not tolerate his behavior. You will not allow him to victimize you any more. Enough is enough attitude. Taking your power back!

Now your friend... is it possible for you to tell him your just not ready for a new relationship. You are very wise not to engage in another relationship right now. YOu need time to heal. When the time is right you will know that. I would just tell him this and also tell him if you can both just resolve to be friends. It is also wise to seek someone to help you heal so you do not become victimized again. Men who have issues can spot a victim a mile away and victize her. Take very good care of yourself!

[HeartBreaker3]

Thanks for the input! Yes I am filing a protection order and for custody right now with the ex. It hasn't been easy. He is not phsyically abusive (thank the lord) just verbally and very unpredictable. So to keep my little one and myself safe I am doing whatever is necessary. I am very easily taken advantage of. I don't speak up for myself much and I'm way to nice. I feel like I've been to hell and back the past few weeks. He controlled me and my life for a very long time, being alone is scary!! But it does feel good!! :)

With the friend, I am just not sure how to tell him. Part of me feels like I led him on even though I made it clear with words, I feel like my actions might have told him different. I don't want to hurt his feelings or break his heart. He is an awesome person and we get along great just on a different page than I am.
Thanks much for the advice! And I've been looking into support groups and such for some help.

[geminichick]

Being verbally abused is just as bad as being physically abused. Do you remember the old saying? Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me? This is far from the truth. The scars last longer than physical scars.

With your friend, I would tell him: if there was some way you led him on you didn't mean to. If he is a really good friend of yours it shouldn't matter. Honesty is always the best policy. Sometimes if I want to talk to someone about something very important I write out what I need to say first than I know it will some out honestly but gentle. It would be a shame to loose a great friend. You have to do what's right for you. You sound like a very nice person and being nice is really good but you can easily be taken advantage of if you don't stand up for yourself HeartBreaker 3. What does your heart tell you to do about your friend? Let me know, if you like what you decide!

Best regards;
GeminiChick

[talaniman]

I know how hard it is to hurt someone you care about but being straight and honest I the best way mixed with kindness, and giving him time and space to heal.

That's more important to you both than keeping him in your life right now.