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freak1 · Nov 23, 2011, 09:45 AM

I was seeing a guy for over 3 years, we were best friends plus lovers. I stuck by him through everything he went through, even him getting a girl friends and having a child with her I was still there for him and with him. We had our ups and downs and after all the talks and planning to be together and me helping him out when he didn't have any where to turn, he tells me now that he's not growing in my fashion any more since he has been going to therapy, and got her a house. What did I do to deserve being hurt like this?

PokeXpert · Nov 23, 2011, 11:55 AM

First, you didn't do anything to deserve this, that's just how life is. Take some time, I know you're hurt (Even though I don't know you.), and be sad for a while, just remember, there's plenty more guys out there, if he seriously did break your heart, he just wasn't meant for you, I don't mean to sound mean, or heartless, but there's someone out there, who can be better, and sweeter for your life, think of what's best for you, and go out again, you might be heartbroken again, yes, that's always a possibility, but ever heard the say "It's better to love and loss, then never to have loved at all"? Well, you can keep serching for the perfect guy, if some break-up with you, keep going, until you find the one. PopkeXpert

Homegirl 50 · Nov 23, 2011, 01:52 PM

You didn't do anything, he is who he is and you were not what he wants.
At least he was honest enough t tell you.

talaniman · Nov 23, 2011, 03:34 PM

You did nothing, just held on to long to a terribly flawed human being. You took care of him, and now he is healed, so its your time to heal and find YOUR happiness.

freak1 · Nov 23, 2011, 03:46 PM

How do you get over some one you had true, unconditional love for,with never seeing any one else but him in your life and your heart?

vanheart · Nov 23, 2011, 11:58 PM

You just got & stayed with the wrong guy.
Now you know.

Hes a user. Be glad to be rid of him. You don't need that.
No one does. I know how that can blow your confidence.

Take some time to do for yourself. With not him in mind.

Let him keep using, while you rise above.
And use this as a lesson why to get with someone & stay..

Think about the good relationships you have. Friends, family, whatever.
The ones you don't even have to worry about. New ones that you you will make.

You will be WAY better without him in your life.

freak1 · Nov 24, 2011, 08:37 AM

I guess it's not worth it any more to be a good woman to any man all they want is hoes that treat them like crap and use them, those the kids of females that men want not as long as there young, pretty and have no kids.

My bad those are the kind of female that men want as long as there young, pretty and have no kids.

Homegirl 50 · Nov 24, 2011, 03:00 PM

You can be a good woman to a man but you don't have to let a man walk over you.
This man got a girl friend, made a baby, you helped him out. This is who he is and you just kept giving. Sometimes you have to open your eyes and say "enough, I don't need this person, this is not the type of person I need to be with"
As I said before, at least he was honest with you and told you he was leaving.

DaniCalifornia · Nov 25, 2011, 05:01 AM

It's all time sweetheart. And the less you see them/the more you see your friends and family/the more activities you do, the quicker it will be.

X Dani

Fr_Chuck · Nov 25, 2011, 06:34 AM

Time, and there is not "one true love" there is a person we love, and love takes work, a lot of work.

freak1 · Nov 25, 2011, 07:17 PM

He only told me cause I asked if we were OK and talked to him, he couldn't even tell me face to face he told me through email a night that we wasn't around each other, we work together every day.

I tried that, I put up with so much, I did every thing I could to show him how much I love him, never judged him for any thing, was there when he was depressed, when he wanted to kill himself cause he was hurt and betrayed so badly, when he firt foud out his kids was being abused. I spent more time with him than I did my own family just to make sure he and his kids was OK,was there for him when his own family turned there backs on him. How much do a woman have to do for a man to see how much she loves him? how much work is there for a mans love?

talaniman · Nov 26, 2011, 07:17 AM

You have to have the right man, not just one you love, but loves you the same way. He may have been nice, but he ain't the one.

You were a giver, he was a taker.

freak1 · Nov 26, 2011, 04:47 PM

I put over 3 years in it doing every thing I can to show him how much I love him and how special he is. I was faithful to him, gave him all the respect he deserved, never hid nothing from him and put up with all the stuff he did and still was there telling him he was a good man and he should let any one make him feel bad about himself. How much more work is there to want some one to love you the way you love them? All I can feel now is that I wasn't good enough for him cause I am older and we are different colors. I'm black and he's white.

talaniman · Nov 26, 2011, 05:02 PM

I think you will be angry that you gave your heart to someone who didn't deserve it, nor knew what to do with it, and you probably ignored every red flag he was waving for far to long.

That makes you as guilty as he is doesn't it?

Homegirl 50 · Nov 26, 2011, 07:03 PM

Looks like you put up with a lot and didn't care because you kept giving. It seems you should have seen this coming. Maybe he just got tired of the game. I know you're hurting but don't ignore a persons behavior thinking it will get better

vanheart · Nov 26, 2011, 09:03 PM

Ive been there. Quite a few times as the giver.

I wouldn't worry about so much what you did for him, but what you will do for you.

Try not live in the past with those thoughts in your head. That won't serve you one bit.

You will find the right one to give to. Give anyway, everyday, without expectations.

Don't stop that.

Homegirl 50 · Nov 26, 2011, 09:47 PM

There is nothing wrong with giving bit when you give to someone who repeatedly mistreats. You, you need to ask yourself why you keep doing it

freak1 · Dec 3, 2011, 12:28 PM

Thanks every one for there help. Me and him did talk and I finally told him how he hurt me and the things he did that I did deserve and made me feel less than a human. He apologize for it and promised to have more respect for me cause I have been the only one there for him ever in his life and he didn't know how to handle that. We're still apart and I'm OK with that now, besides he needs to get his mind right and his life before I could ever decide to come back as his friend. One good thing he did tell me was that I am the kind of woman he wants in his life as his mate and in a way that made me feel good for the first time in a long time with him. I'm just hoping now that we can find and repair our friendship again one day, he was my best friend and I don't want to through that away. I guess we both had to learn something.