[BibDG]

I think I really need help. I have been physically abused from my father, in both forms. I suffered for many years in silence, the first person that I had told was a friend that told everyone that I had made it up. I really did need help at the time, I believe the worst time was when I was 12 years old until I was about 17 years old. My school teachers etc saw all the bruises, the black eyes, and made me go to a school councelor, at that stage I wouldn't talk about it. I felt as though it was my fault - and I had braught it onto myself, how can I get my own dad into trouble, his my dad, I knew it wasn't right what he was doing yet I kept forgiving him. It really stuffed me around mentally, he began stalking me, I became really depressed, and I look back at it now, and I'm amazed in how strong I was. I did not cry during any of it, only later on I use to lock myself up and cry while I listened to music.

So, now I have a new problem. Now that it has all stopped I think I'm the biggest attention seeker out. I don't want to be seen as selfish, but I'm reliving these moments in my head, and my life has been so dramatic ever since. Sometimes I just get so depressed about it I just keep crying, yet I think it's an attention seeking problem because it's not happening anymore?

My ex boyfriend was also quite forceful, I have just split up with him, and I'm with this lovely guy, yet, I don't know if I'm suffering depression or I'm just being very selfish as he has his own problems and I can't stop thinking about mine. I then get angry that he isn't listening to me, it's just not who I am. I really hate myself.

I've tried to kill myself twice, by over dossing, and cutting myself, I seem to enjoy the pain in a way. & I sound like a massive mental case.

Anyway, my dad doesn't want to see me anymore after I left and went to the police, but I just wish that he would want to see me, I'm a very forgiving person, I just want my dad in my life - but don't know whether I could trust him, or whether he is even worth having in my life.It's been about a year since it stopped happening.

Sorry if it doesn't all make sense.

[Kristen00]

I grew up abused by my father too, and was very confused by all the emotions I've been having over the last few years. I am in my fourth year of college and just started seeing a therapist a few months ago. It turns out that I have been living with Bipolar Disorder without knowing it, and that I suffer from depression and PTSD. I am going in a couple of weeks to meet with a psychiatrist and begin testing medications. It is good to have a specific appointed person, a therapist, to talk to so that you don't feel like you're taking attention from everyone else (I have felt this way too). You will not regret it if you start seeing a counselor! Best of luck!

[BibDG]

Sorry to hear that Kristen. Hope your feeling better. Thank you for your advice as well. Last night my boyfriend broke up with me, I've been having a really tough week, and I tried killing myself last night, took 8 really strong pain relief tablets & oxynorm or oxycode whatever it's called. I really just don't want to be here anymore, feels as though no one understands and it's all getting to me a lot. I'm feeling really sick at the moment, never been this sick ever.

[Kristen00]

Please, see a counselor. I know it doesn't sound like fun, but it's important to get out your feelings as much as possible and get them away from yourself. See a counselor, start writing, whenever your head is swimming with negative thoughts and write them all out. A counselor is good because there's no judgement, they are bound to confidentiality, and not only do they listen and let you get a lot of your chest, but they can actually give advice that you can apply to your life outside the counselor's office. There is hope, and there certainly are others out there like you! When people feel this way, though, most keep it to themselves in their real lives... I know I do... then we meet others on the internet who feel the same haha :) You are going to be OK! I promise! Time heals all wounds, but you have to LET it.

[Handyman2007]

You truly need to get into therapy. I don't know why you haven't yet. You can get your life back if you HELP Yourself!!