[Milly61]

After a divorce my children's father had issues with our children for 17 years. The first few years after he left he seriously mentally abused them. Eventually he pretty much stayed out of the picture and created a life in another state. The kids and I suffered a great deal but we moved on with our lives. Three years ago, my daughter who was 22 then, saw him. SHE approached him, he didn't want anything to do with her and turned his back on her. Her crushed face came back to me. Now she is 25. He has married my daughters friend (one that she use to play with when they were little) and has two daughters. The wife has contacted my daughter via myspace to tell her that her Father wants to see her and that she has two half sisters. My daughter since then has withdrawn from me. She talks to her father now and act as if nothing has ever happened. My son does not feel the same way. He does not want to start a relationship with his father, he feels he is grown now and does not need him. My question is, is it normal for daughters to react with open arms to the father that had abused her? Do they turn from their mothers so they can find there way to their Fathers life easier?

[Bluerose]

The first thing that comes to mind is that you and the father have very different versions as to what went on in the past. Your daughter has heard your version and now she is listening to her father’s version. I think it’s fair that she should have both versions and then make up her own mind what she wants to believe. And it doesn’t stop there. Give her time to work it our for herself. Avoid putting her father down and avoid going over and over your version, she’s heard it. It’s make your mind up time. Let her know you understand that she has the right to learn for herself what her father is like and that you will be there if she needs you.

[startover22]

I had been in the same situation. My mom left when I was 5, I saw her two times between the age of 5 and 30. When I turned 30 she was by my town and I decided to visit her. I told her no tears, no nothing, if she wants to have a relationship with me then it is from this day forward, I don't want to know a dang thing. My dad never told me anything and to this day I still don't know. I know my dads feelings are hurt, but I still wanted to be a part of my moms life. It has never ever made me love my dad less or anything like that. I have seen her twice in three years, loved the visits, she loved my kids and that was enough for me. (one of my brothers won't talk to her at all)
As for you, I think of myself in your situation. If you can just move on and let her have a piece of her father, I think that would be best. You don't have to talk to her about it, just let it be private for her. I think it is totally normal. Good luck. Hugs!