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empath · Nov 13, 2011, 06:20 AM

I have an old friend who I think is a sociopath.

He does not appear to learn from his mistakes and feels that he has "bad luck" and should not need to change. In conversations with people (even those he does not know, he is often offensive, loud and lacks any form for empathy for "idiots" (sic) who do not see his point of view. This person is also a sex and drug addict who will have sex with staff under his control (or women from the shops or anywhere) whenever possible and continues to lose jobs and partners as a result. This person is very pessimistic and although only in his mid thirties thinks that he is old and doomed in life. He is proud to be the way he is and feels that others are highly flawed for not thinking the same (sic), with no "common sense" regarding keeping his mouth shut in the workplace or in small communities (as such he is always on the move in jobs and from town to town, leaving a reputation of legendary proportions behind him).

Can this person be helped? I have tried to help him to see a better way, but he thinks it is all a waste of time. I might just give up and leave him (and his wife and 6 month old baby) to preserve my own reputation and safety for lack of knowing how to help. My own preservation and that of my family may be at risk through association.

Any constructive comments are welcome - remember that this is an issue of empathy, common sense, compassion and altruism.

JudyKayTee · Nov 13, 2011, 07:26 AM

You might "up and leave him" and his wife and baby? What is your relationship with this person?

You cannot make anyone do/think/feel anything he doesn't want to do/think/feel. I think it boils down to that.

He needs professional help - if he WANTS professional help. I don't think there is anything an untrained person can do.

I'm a little confused about why you want to remain this person's friend.

Fr_Chuck · Nov 13, 2011, 07:29 AM

And how or why do you think or know he is a sociopath, he may merely be a drug addict, what you described is common in drug addicts, or just mean people who are drug addicts.
Has he been to a doctor and determined to be one?

But in drug or sex addictions or even a sociopath, you can not do anything to "make" them change. You can get away, you can get counseling for yourself to deal with your issues about them. But they will have to want to change before they can start any change

empath · Nov 13, 2011, 03:47 PM

Thanks for the responses. This guys is an long standing friend of mine and I have seen him become worse in his antisocial behavior over the last 15 years or so. It is something that has become increasingly and consistently worse. I also realize that I cannot make him change, but would like to imagine I can help in perhaps subtle ways. He has no desire to be helped as he see's no problem, except that he world does not subscribe to his point of view. He would prefer the world change for him.

He has not been to a doctor that I am aware of to be diagnosed as a drug addict (or anything related). He smokes Marijuana many times a day and routinely (perhaps every two weeks) drives a 700 km round trip to get more from a known source. Smoking dope occurs hourly during the day even at work, as he works where he lives and is independent of supervisors. He has said that the stuff keeps him from "going crazy" and living out his long standing dreams that he has had since a child. Although he has never been specific about the dreams they do involve leaving many people dead.

As for why I want to remain this person's friend - I have been asking myself the same thing. When I was younger I lived with him at his parents house and have always felt a duty aspect to "helping" him through gratitude to he and his parents for that time. His dad spoke to me about this as well. My current thought is to gradually withdraw from contact so that it is not sudden and pointed. Perhaps the best thing I can do is not to "reward" his actions through continued attention.

JudyKayTee · Nov 13, 2011, 03:51 PM

You're in a bad spot. I can see that now. Can you support him in other areas, stand by him, not get sucked into the questionable areas of his life?

I have a relative I love dearly... but that doesn't mean I agree with everything she does OR support some of her decisions.

Can you draw that line?