[mindue505]

Ok here's the jist...

Ex-boyfriend (Billy) and I are still coworkers but work in different departments.

We met eyes about a week after I started working there (about 2 yrs now) and fell madly in love with each other. We both thought that this was IT, that this is what we were looking for our whole lives. Both ready to commit and get married and considered each other soulmates. At the time, he was 35 (never married) and I was 31 (married once many years prior).

Well, all that fell apart about 5 months into the relationship and I ended things with him. Felt like more bad times than good, we fought a lot, and I had the suspicion he was cheating on me.

For awhile, he left me alone and vice versa and we both tried to move on. Then we started talking again friendly like and ended up trying to reconcile a couple months later. When this happened, I was 'in it to win it' and tried my best to make things work, although it felt like he had one foot out the door during the reconciliation, then told me he couldn't do it anymore and broke it off with me.

I was devastated, but then a few days later, he made attempts to get back in my good graces once again. I fell for it, only to find out a few days later that he was two timing me with his ex-girlfriend, this crazy woman he dated for over two years before me and who he broke up with to date me in the first place.

Once again, I was devastated. I hooked up with a guy I dated years prior and made a huge mistake - I ended up getting genital herpes from him.

Two wrongs don't make a right and we both hated on each other for a little bit, and he did he wonders on my psyche, making me feel bad for my mistake, even though he did something far worse (except I paid the price more, obviously). Things were touch and go for another few months, until I ended up finding out he was still 'friends' with his ex girlfriend, calling her all the time and searching for lovers on dating sites. I ended up telling him to screw off and I was done.

Five months later, I met an amazing man (Sean) in the band I joined shortly after the breakup. We first started as friends and I confided in him my 'dirty secret' as to which he didn't find it a big deal at all - that he would be with me no matter what and risk getting it just to be with me. We ended up dating, he ended up getting herpes, and about two months ago, got engaged and now we are looking to buy a house together, get married, and spend the rest of our lives together.

Don't get me wrong... I love the hell out of Sean and I DO want to marry him and spend the rest of my life with him.

Buttt... behind his back, I've become friendly once again with Billy. Granted it is only small talk, we don't hang out, we don't text, and I would NEVER cheat on Sean. My intentions in the first place were to let go of the resentment I held onto for Billy so my work wasn't so damn miserable all the time.

I'm not one of those 'grass is greener' people, but I catch myself thinking about Billy and I waver with emotional distance issues with Sean.

I don't want to hurt Sean. I want to marry Sean. There are times when I turn him down for sex and become emotionally distant and I would devastate him if I were honest about still having feelings for Billy, especially after what the dude has done to me. I'm looking for a different job, but just need advice on how to save my relationship with Sean before I end up pushing him away and ruining over an ex that doesn't deserve my heart in the first place / help!

[talaniman]

LEAVE THE EX ALONE!! In time you won't be so distracted by old feelings being all stirred up.

Another thing, its obvious this new relationship moved very fast, and to be honest, I doubt you can slow down, breath, and think. You never have and jumping into something really fast is a pattern. You should really slow down, I mean way down.

Please find better more productive, and safer ways to be happy. Guys, and sex are not your strong suit. How about some good clean adult fun like bowling or learning a new skill, or volunteering, or something. Date for fun, and friendship, not love or sex.

That what I told you last December remember?

[mmresd]

You make a choice. You choose to stop thinking about someone, maybe focus more on your relationship, which seems to be BY FAR a lot better than the emotional sickness that the relationship with Billy caused you. If you can't seem to do then maybe it is time to break things off and remain single for a while, I don't think you properly healed from the relationship in the first place, and now you are yet in another relationship again. It is your choice, decide which one you think will make you happier, and once you make a decision, you never look back, and move on with life.

[Fr_Chuck]

Stop talking to, stop seeing and have no contact with your ex. It is nothing , and I will say again, nothing but more pain, more heart ache and will end your current relationship.