[rlytu]

To start. My ex girlfriend and I are both 16 year old juniors in high school right now. We started going out in the middle of Freshman year in high school. We were each other's first loves and we were going great for a while. However, we broke up a week after our one year anniversary because of many reasons. For one, my ex thought I was too clingy and I needed her too much. Secondly, she got the feeling that all I wanted to do was to get her naked in bed. We never actually lost our virginity to each other but we definitely screwed around a lot.

Anyway, I was an emotional wreck when we broke up eight and a half months ago. I would come up with plan after plan to win back her heart until I bugged her to the point where she blocked me. I spent last summer gathering myself together and getting back out with friends. I felt like I was in much better shape after going no contact for 2 months. In August, I sent my ex a card for her birthday and I asked if we could talk again sometime. That night, she unblocked me. Since then, our contact has been mostly small talk, until last week.

I decided to ask my ex girlfriend to hang out with me on a purely friend basis because we had been talking for a couple months and generally conversation has been friendly. I approached her in school and I was surprised with her demeanor because she was playfully hitting my hat off my head and saying "nice hat bro". I asked if she wanted to hang out the next time we had no school. She asked where. I said that I wasn't sure what she would be comfortable with, so I would leave that up to her. She paused for a while so I told her to just tell me her decision later.

On Monday she chatted me and asked if I really wanted to hang out or if I just wanted to talk. I said that I actually wanted to hang out and she was like "yeah, sure" and then said "lets talk in 30 minutes okay? You want it after all right?" When we actually started talking she told me to be totally honest with her because a big part of our relationship was that we were brutally honest with each other.

I started by asking if she still had any leftover feelings for me. I could tell that she was avoiding my question because she asked "what kind of feelings?" I said "any emotional feelings?" She said "haha all my feelings are emotional." I asked "any good feelings toward me?" She said, "Good feelings? I like your hat!". I then asked if she had any longing to get back together or whether she was totally done with me for good. She said "I would like to say that I'm done but I'll settle with not for long." Later on in the conversation she said that we both had other things going on in our lives and that she couldn't have me pulling this friendship string when all I wanted was to get back together. She then offered to talk again in a couple of days.

I guess my issue is that my ex seems to think that everything I do is a plot to win her back. I don't like how she sees me as manipulative. Next time we talk, I want to tell her that I can't control how much I care about her, but I'm capable of thinking rationally and making smart decisions. I also want to tell her that I'm truly fine with a friendship right now and when I asked her to hang out I was just trying to establish a friendship. Still, I'm not sure if she'll believe me, and frankly she has every right to suspect me considering the way I behaved after our breakup.

What is the best way for me to tell her that even though I care about her a lot, she has no reason to suspect everything I do?

[talaniman]

What would you do if she dated someone else? Sorry guy, I doubt she believes anything you say, so unless you can show actions that match your words, you are out of luck.

Stop trying to convince her, you don't have to force a friendship. It should happen naturally.

Back off, and give her time, then see how she feels. To be honest, you are trying way to hard.

[guitarteacher18]

"Like your hat"
I'm sorry friend, but she's not worth it. First loves are tough to get over, but you have to do just that.