[Mozzarellaa]

I don't know what to think or do!
My boyfriend stopped watching porn ages ago because he knew how much it was hurting me.
We've been together a year and live together.
Even though I don't do this, he knows I'm very good at computers/hacking etc so if he deleted his history, he knew I could get it back if I wanted.

Recently, I noticed two 'cam girls' added to his hotmail account. One called Jess Smith and the other called Horny B****. I asked him who they were and he said they were just spam viruses (you do get a lot on hotmail sometimes) and that he never added them. They weren't viruses though, but real people paid to turn guys on by webcam. A big argument happened the day I asked him about it. Anyway, I forgot about this until the other day when his old hotmail from nearly a year ago was reactivated and these same girls were on that account and he admitted that when he was single years ago, him and his friends used to add people like that just for the laugh.

What caught my attention was that in a moment of anger, I retrieved his deleted recent adds and it said that 'attempts to add Jess Smith' and showed he'd tried to add her or she'd tried to add him 6 times!

I'm confused! He doesn't use his hotmail for chatting to friends but just business. He has me and his guy friend on there now, just the two of us, but about a month ago now it showed these two girls on his friends list.

I go to bed early for college whilst he stays up late playing on World of Warcraft and whenever I sneak downstairs, he's on World of Warcraft so I'm confused because he's not doing anything wrong whenever I sneak down. I've tried talking to him countless times about these girls but it always ends up in an argument about me not trusting him and snooping.

What should I think? He hasn't had any girls on his hotmail after he deleted them.

[talaniman]

OMG Mozzie, are you going to keep living in fear, or just tell the guy how you feel before you drive yourself crazy every time you find a reason to not trust him??

Trying to catch him cheating is plain crazy and you shouldn't even be in a relationship with someone you have to always try to catch him in something.

You shouldn't even be in a relationship if you cannot control your own fears. Or have not healed from past hurts.

That's not love, nor is it healthy.

[JoeCanada76]

Okay Skimmed through the thread. Here is a theory. The more you accuse him of sleeping with other people. The more you show that you do not trust him. The more fear and paranoia you develop. When combined all these things and searching for everything possible in trying to catch him doing something wrong. Guess what your pushing him away. It is like you want to push him away and keep him at a safe distance for some reason. Maybe you were driving him crazy and actually wanting a reason to blame him for something to get out of a relationship that you are not comfortable in?

Eventually you are going to do so much damage in your relationship for your behaviour that eventually you might just push him into the arms of another women at some point. Then you can blame him and say what a horrible person he is and end it. Then you got your wish and your worst fears came true. Who would be blamed for this?

So in ending either you want to be in this relationship or not.
Either you trust him or not.
Remember no one is perfect but stop looking for trouble.

We do not know if he slept with anybody else or not. Only he knows the truth. It is up to you to believe him or not. None of us can say if he did or did not. It sounds though that your desperate and keep pushing for answers from anybody and everybody even people who does not have the answers.

The only person that truly knows is your boyfriend and if he says he did not do it. It is up to you if you believe him or not. So what is it?

[Mozzarellaa]

You probably should also read my other questions for a bit more detail about our relationship, e.g. how long we've been together etc.

We were still together but I stayed at my Aunts for 6 days to give us a little breather, and I recently found out that he was talking to this other girl behind my back but only friendly talk, no flirting.

Anyway, I found out most things about this, so I'll list them in order now;
1. She said to him through text that she wanted to sleep with him and he apparently replied 'thanks' with no flirting
2. So he sent her a picture of his privates and she replied 'nice!'
3. I later found that on the same day he commented on pictures of her bending over and with her breasts hanging out on Facebook and when I confronted him, he said it's because she looked pretty in the and didn't comment because of the breasts/***
4. They hadn't even met before, so they decided to meet up at the end of his road and take her back to his as she didn't know where he lived.
5. He told me when he met her he thought she was ugly and looked nothing like her pictures, and that's all he said
6. They're both adamant telling me that all they did was watch a film and then he hugged her goodbye and paid for her taxi home, when I confronted them both.

I'm leaving him because of this, I mean, I you have time, read my other question 'did he cheat' and see what else he did within the week. Should I stay? Or should I go?

I really want your opinion on what you think REALLY happened, thank you :)

[Hello1996]

Leave him, If he has time to send pics of his "area" then he should have time to find another girl :)

[mmresd]

I believe that if you think that is cheating, then he has cheated. You can either forgive, forget, and try to regain trust, or break up and try to redo your life with someone who is not going to try to be hooking up with females every time you are not home.

[DoulaLC]

I agree... if it is cheating in your mind, it is cheating. Whether anyone else thinks it is cheating, is beside the point. Do you want to be with someone who would be that involved with someone in just a few days of your being away? If she were going to be sleeping on the floor, why not sleep on the floor in the other room, or on the sofa? I'd put some of his actions beyond innocent flirting.

If it had been a situation of your relationship actually ending, and you both were aware of that, that would be one thing. He does whatever he wants to, as it would be no concern of yours. If it was a situation of still being a couple, but taking some time to think on things, that would be entirely different.

[odinn7]

I guess you could make arguments one way or the other whether he cheated but... In my opinion, he isn't worth being with. If a 6 day breather had him doing things like that, it really makes me wonder what he would do normally. On top of that, it appears that you believe he cheated so, in effect, he did cheat.

I think you are way better off not having to deal with him at all. Let him find someone that will put up with his crap.

[talaniman]

I also think its time for you to let him go before he drives you crazy with his ways with other females. Go now, not tomorrow.

[vanheart]

I agree, he sounds like a waste of your time, energy & heart.

You already know, I think.

Imagine a life without snooping...

[Mozzarellaa]

He did cheat, I found out tonight :'( thank you for all your answers anyway

[odinn7]

I'm so sorry to hear that. You can do better, I know you can.

Take care.

[DoulaLC]

he did cheat, I found out tonight :'( thank you for all your answers anyway

So very sorry... it will get easier in time. It has nothing to do with you, what you look like, whether you have gained weight, etc. It is a flaw in his character. He has shown several times now, by his actions and his lies, that he is not worthy of your love or trust.

It may not seem like it right now, but you will find someone who is worthy. Surround yourself with your friends and family until that time comes.

[vanheart]

I'm sorry.

As much as it hurts & sucks, now you know that you deserve better.

There's no reason to be w/someone that lies & looks elsewhere.

Take this time now to regroup, hang w/loved ones.

Don't let this get you down. Its actually a sign that there are better things ahead.

Keep posting if you need a hand. Anytime.

[richardsal]

I don't know stains on the sheets and he lying saying his friend slept in there but really he did, people only lie when they trying to hide something, I'd say he basically caught for the simple fact he lying.

[Mozzarellaa]

Update:

Found out he cheated on me with 4 girls, including the girls I had suspicions about on my questions. Also, I found out he'd attempted to cheated with another 3 girls, but never got round to it.

I'm putting this to help others realise that love is blind, and to not wonder what happened, but look at the realistic point of what could've happened :)

[odinn7]

He sounds like a pig. I hope you realize that in the long run, you will be better off without someone like that.

Take care and good luck to you.