[simonm16]

This girl I like who also likes me because she's told me she fancies me is messing with my head. She's on her placement year for uni so is 2.30 hours away. She's said many times that she fancies me but has been on some dates with a guy up there. I've stayed the weekend up there and we had sex and were really couply etc, holding hands, hugging, went for a meal, went partying and were getting close.

She then a week after I got home got really scared because she's been hurt a lot in the past and is too defensive and realistic for her own good (her words) too let someone in so quickly she really needs to know someone. She's bad at replying to texts although before she had settled into her job and made new friends up there she was talking to me every day and would have long phone conversations etc. She said it takes awhile to start seeing someone because she has to get to know them a lot first.

She's said she doesn't want a relationship at the moment which is fine. But she never messages me as she's busy making new friends and working full time, but it's always me texting her first but she doesn't text me back half the time, and when we do talk it gets emotional and she's really scared about commitment etc. I really really like her I've not met such a cracking girl so I don't know what to do, is she playing hard to get or what? I really don't know whether to continue the chase or see if she will come to me if I disappear?

[DrJ]

She's not playing hard to get... she's just not that interested. But the thing is, she obviously doesn't have to be... from the sounds of it, you will be there waiting for her if she ever is interested.

The problem comes with "the game". No matter how many people want to say they don't play it or it doesn't have to exist, it does. There is always a subtle power-struggle between guys and girls that are interested in each other. You gave her the power by throwing yourself at her. Ideally, she would see that you are a good guy and that she would probably be lucky to be with you... however, she most likely just sees that you are going to be there for her no matter what... so in the meantime, she is free to do as she pleases and see who else is out there... having her cake and eating it, too, so-to-speak.

By not showing all your cards, holding back just a little, you will leave her guessing.. make her wonder about you.. make her eager to find out more about you.. make her realize that you are what she is really looking for. You wouldn't have to initiate any texts because she will be curious about what you may be doing while she is away.

(Yes, that is more often than not, the way it is... whether any of the girls here would like to admit it or not)

The problem now is that it is VERY difficult, if not IMPOSSIBLE, to take back what has already happened. You have already put yourself in the position of a lesser-valued male (not that you are, its just that is how she likely sees you now). Your only chance would be to either wait until she is done sowing her wild oats and hope that in the end (after much heartache and worry), she picks you... or, when you two are together once again, you demonstrate to her that you are a high-valued male, who is confident in himself, popular & likable with people, that she is likely to loose her chances with unless she acts fast. That means not treating her like she is the world to you, even if she is.

[saanu]

Hey! You need to start taking less interest in her.Girls generally get interested in guy's who are accessible but not easily so.Show her you are interested in her but you have your own life too!Do not text her so much and relax! She will start reciprocating it and yeah when she get's all emotional do not pat her back! Give her a straight talk that she needs to come out of the "I was hurt in the past" crap,get a grip and learn from her past mistakes and that you obviously are not that type! :D