[ForeverZero]

We're in college, I might add.

[Skell]

I understand what your saying. We have all been where you are and we have all contemplated doing what you are planning. Some carried through with it and now regret it, others were wise enough to heed our warnings and continued to worry about themselves and move forward. They all say they were so glad we talked them out of trying to win back the ex. It doesn't work!

Look November wanst that long ago. It is going to hurt for while yet. You are going to feel lonely and down. It sucks. But it is all part of the process. I have been broken up with my ex for almost 12 months now and I still have days and moment where it hurts a little. Little things can trigger it off. But I'm telling you I am so much better now than I was 6 months ago. And I credit that to listening to people here, not contacting the ex, working on myself and not even contemplating what she is thinking. You can't control her thoughts, but you can control your own.

So give yourself time and treat yourself good and gradually it will get better and I'm sure you will be happy in a couple of months time that you didn't call her and meet her.

Oh yeah and ditch the rebound. Its unfair on her and believe it or not even unfairer on yourself. You just don't realise it! But using someone else to make yourself feel better will only make you feel worse in the long run!

[ForeverZero]

She's fresh off a hard relationship too. So we're exploiting each other in the same way. I had this discussion with her, she's aware of what she's playing with, and I am too.

[Skell]

Yeah but it ain't going to help you! Find some happiness on your own. Find yourself!!

[ForeverZero]

I generally tend to find booze and cartoons

[Copperhead6]

Okay foreverzero, this is the last time I'm going to post on this because I'm not really sure what you are looking for here. Your supposed roommate text her? That sounds like a carefully planned thought for you to make contact with her and it sounds like you are misleading us as well. Because now you want to contact her because she responded to that? This makes no sense and it looks like you are playing games. Sometimes you just have to suck it up and take being dumped like a man. You are a man right? Good luck with that dinner, if you are able to actually land it. You are trying way tooo hard and wasting too much time on this. At some point I hope you start to see the light of day!

[ForeverZero]

Honestly, I'd be the first to tell a bunch of anonymous strangers what sorts of dumb things I'd do to play games to get her back. Right now, the only game I've been playing with her, is the one where I do as instructed by the vast majority of people, both here and amongst my friends, ignore her, pretend like she doesn't exist and move on with my own life. I never reached the point where I felt like I was doing it for me, I felt like I was doing it because that's what everybody tells me to. I'm being truthful about the texting thing, and I'd truthfully admit that I was being clingy and needy when she broke up with me. But I also am sort of lacking the ability to ignore signs like this. There was a time when I was being clingy, she didn't want anything to do with me. I cooled off for a week or two and she wanted to talk to me. I cooled off for a month and she began to panic and doubted her decision, I told her to stay out of my life.

I'm doing this so that I feel better knowing it could not have worked any other way.

[Nosnosna]

This is a case where the truth doesn't matter. Not in the slightest. What matters is what she thinks happened. Which is this:

You texted her about Valentine's Day.
You concocted some barely believable story about how it was an accident so you wouldn't look like you were being clingy.
Hey, look, you're getting back together.

This is what she sees. This is what she will ALWAYS see. Everything between the two of you from this point on is going to be based on that. This could be rightfully called relationship hell. Go ahead with it if you want, but at least go into it knowing that she sees this very differently than you do.

Your friend has inadvertently screwed you over.

[ForeverZero]

I wasn't going to explain how it happened, mostly because I figured the same things you did, she won't believe it. My plan is to just have a normal conversation with her that doesn't revolve around the relationship. I ain't doing this specifically to bring her back, I'm doing this because I'm tired of going out and being worried about weather or not I'll see her. I'm also tired of feeling like I'm supposed to be waiting for her to come back, and that there may or may not be something I can do to bring her back. I don't know what I want, but I know what I don't want, and that's feeling like this. I want to see for my own eyes how her life is better without me, because that's all that will convince me. It will hurt, but you only get stronger from getting beat up.

This is my tactic to put myself back in a position of power. If I can present myself as somebody that is totally over it and moved on and hey let's be friends in attitude, it'll work out, mostly because I know that she'll be the one that has the ball in her court at all times. There's not a damn thing I can do, because I know pleading and stuff isn't going to bring her back, even if it did, I wouldn't want that. If she comes back, it's got to be because she wants to.

[talaniman]

I've been reading these responses and tried to stay out of this thread because it I so obvious you are just not ready for a healthy relationship and are clinging to this one because of some unknown fear of being alone that you don't want to face . Further I have been reading the advice you give others and it is easy to see you can repeat things, but you don't want it for yourself, so I would strongly suggest we stop the games and you do your thing your way and let us know how it turns out. And please stop repeating what you heard here and passing it off as heart felt advice, because it isn't.

[Skell]

So your plan is to act a certain way to make her think your over her even though you really aren't? Well and good but where does leave you and how does it do anything to improve the way you feel?

Look, I know exactly where your at. I was there too once myself. Your lying to us, but more importantly your lying to yourself. I know it, you know it and everyone else here knows it! And we all understand too. It is hard to let go and accept it is over. Ask anyone here and they will tell you the same thing I am. At some stage we all held on to this false hope that everything was going to work out and be fine and rosy. We all texted our ex, acted in certain ways to manipulate the way our ex see's us. It was only when we actually accepted it was over and began worrying about our own feelings and not our ex's that we began to heal.

You don't get power back by acting! You get power back by accepting it is over and taking control of your life again. What she is doing and thinking has no bearing on your power. The person who bears responsibility for your level of power is YOU! Can't you see that you are actually relinquishing more power by not being true to yourself and putting on an act? Tactics and plans don't give you power... Not at all! Being honest and true to yourself will give you all the power you need.

Perhaps you just like the rest of us need to make the same mistakes. Im coming to think it is just part of the process. Because no matter what we say you will still want to satisfy your intrigue and go ahead with your plan. Im pretty sure I know what the result will be but we'll just have to wait and see I suppose.

Good luck!

[ForeverZero]

I've been reading these responses and tried to stay out of this thread because it i so obvious you are just not ready for a healthy relationship and are clinging to this one because of some unknown fear of being alone that you don't want to face . Further I have been reading the advice you give others and it is easy to see you can repeat things, but you don't want it for yourself, so I would strongly suggest we stop the games and you do your thing your way and let us know how it turns out. And please stop repeating what you heard here and passing it off as heart felt advice, because it isn't.

The sincerity of the advice I give is not in question, it's all sincere to the best of my ability to see the way they present their relationships. Problem I have is the problem everyone else has, I can tell everybody else exactly what's wrong in their situation, I just can't see it in my own. I'm too emotionally entangled at this point, and while I appreciate the efforts you guys put forth to talk me out of it, this is one of those stupid things I just have to do for myself. Then I can say it to everybody else with my own experiences talking, not just what I saw other people do.

[Skell]

So it is a matter of 'do as I say and not as I do' is it?

Im not sure if tal was questioning the sincerity of your advice, but more the right for you to give it. How can you expect someone to follow your advice when you do not yourself! Quite contradictory!

[ForeverZero]

Dudes, I take no offense to anything you guys see, I'm quite capable of seeing how hypocritical I sound, but on the other hand, I think it's stupidity like this that will let my advice line up with my beliefs, you know?

[Skell]

And if this is something that you just must do for yourself then do it. You probably do have to make the mistakes yourself and feel the pain. You have to hit the bottom of the barrel before you can start improving I suppose.

But just don't say you weren't warned and please don't expect people to continue to beat there heads against a wall offering their thoughts on what you should do. Sure we will always be here to help and listen to you vent, but we can only offer so much advice on how we think the best way for you to handle it is. And one more thing. Please don't expect this charade of to yours to work. As you can see your fooling no one here and you sure as hell won't fool her. At least not in the long run!

Good luck!

[valinors_sorrow]

I don't expect anything really, i'm prepared for the outcome that she ignores my call and doesn't ever reply. I'm also prepared for the outcome she shows up and really just doesn't seem interested and is only there for the sake of not making me upset. I suppose the only outcome i'm not prepared for is success, to be honest.

I know it looks stupid on paper, but i'm not getting my hopes up. The reality of the situation is that in order for me to have a successful relationship with her, we'd have to start over again, not pick up where we left off. I'm not prepared to start over again, and i can only assume she's not either. I wouldn't do anything in the neighborhood of a relationship with her until at the earliest june or july, even then, i'd rather wait till august or so.

For what its worth, its been my observation of "how it works" that whatever broke you two up in the first place will remanifest itself regardless of you telling yourself it's a fresh start or a continuation. Holy cowabunga dude, semantic games won't even begin to cover it! LOL It is what it is and it will not be ducked NEARLY that easily. To think it can be is to seriously underestimate it and frankly, the second time it's a whole lot stronger too because you two have break-up history now and, come to think of it, you'll have break-up history come August too. You best get a whole lot better at lying to yourself (and everyone else) if you are even going to stand a chance. I can see all the lies from here! LOL Just food for constructive thought, if that's even possible with you?

[ForeverZero]

With regards to val, the breakup was the product of the two of us "being backed into our corners", I quote it because it's the line my counselor used. Meaning that we're not usually like this in our other relationships, and we want the same things, problem is we don't know how to get them. My counselor agrees that it is probobly the product of the emotional extreme we got pushed into early on in the relationship, she was raped and caught and STD, and waited to tell me until well after I'd gotten it from her. I don't want to make excuses for her, but I'm fairly understanding of her not knowing what to do to be responsible in that situation. As far as getting back together goes, that's up to her, and if we did, I think it'd be apparent in a month or two if it's the product of the situation or a product of the people, either way, I don't feel like we reached the natural end of this relationship.

[valinors_sorrow]

With regards to val, the breakup was the product of the two of us "being backed into our corners", i quote it because it's the line my counselor used. Meaning that we're not usually like this in our other relationships, and we want the same things, problem is we don't know how to get them. My counselor agrees that it is probobly the product of the emotional extreme we got pushed into early on in the relationship, she was raped and caught and STD, and waited to tell me until well after i'd gotten it from her. I don't want to make excuses for her, but i'm fairly understanding of her not knowing what to do to be responsible in that situation. As far as getting back together goes, that's up to her, and if we did, i think it'd be apparent in a month or two if it's the product of the situation or a product of the people, either way, i don't feel like we reached the natural end of this relationship.

Here's the thing I don't think you get. While there are probably little factual truths woven all through this last post, I am still not buying a whole lot of what you're saying. Bottom line (pun intended LOL) is exactly zero. I suggest you reread Post #25, think about the reality of it all in far more truthful terms and know that I have posted here for the last time in the same way as Copperhead did. Good luck.

[ForeverZero]

I called. She's down for it. Tune in Saturday for the next exciting installment.

[Skell]

I think you are in massive denial!

And this isn't no soap opera. Its life. Or is it?? Perhaps...

Never mind. Good luck with whatever it is your doing. I hope everything works out for the best for all of you!