[toronto guy]

I'm kidding about the last part, but I seriously think this is just an overreaction as your way of figuring out why your ex's problems were your fault.[/QUOTE]


I am beginning to thing that I have way too much time on my hands. I am fine when I am out but when it's the quiet times. I guess I think too much at those times. Somethimes you just have to talk things out to realize things. I can be my own worse enemy. Time is relative!

[ForeverZero]

This is a natural phase of a breakup. When I hit mine, I thought I was emotionally abusive and controlling, you can even read the thread about it if you want. The reality is that you're going to suffer for a while and think things like this, but you're right, talking them out helps tremendously. Just take it as it comes.

[toronto guy]

I have to say. I stumbled on this site yesterday. Looking for answers. I am finding comfort,its filling some extra time not thinking directly about her. I am glad to know this is helping and I will stick with it reading and posting.

THANK YOU EVERYONE!

[toronto guy]

What happens when she cheats and goes off with the other guy. She cheated earlier in the relationship and in her previous marriage. I have heard once a cheater always a cheater. I think that she will do it in her next relationship and he will suspect something because of how he got her.
Half of me wants to see her fail. The other half wants to see her fix her life and find happiness with someone. In the end I am more for her finding what true love is where cheating never comes in her head.

I know I should not think about these things. Its like everything else. Ealy stages you think too much. Does anyone know what happen with there ex's. I will find my own happiness but I also would like to find her own.

[Capuchin]

It's possible that they can wake up and change... but I wouldn't hold my breath. It will happen on her own timescale, there is very little you can do to make her realise.

Just be there to help her whether she cheats or not, and don't judge her for it, that's the way you can be the best friend to her.

[s_cianci]

I wouldn't even worry about her. That's not your job. Work on yourself and let her worry about her. Once she chooses her bed she has to sleep in it.

[ForeverZero]

People have the tendency of ignoring what's right or wrong when the situation that is morally wrong rewards them. As of now, her cheating on her relationships has only gotten her what she wants, and at very little expense to her, if she cheats, then what she has isn't that important to her. So if she is going to learn her lesson, it's going to have to be a hard one, when she's got nobody left to turn to, then she'll learn. Regardless of weather or not she does, it's not your problem.

[toronto guy]

I am curious now that we are over, should I keep in contact with any friends. There is three types of friends.
1. Friends that she knew first and I am friends with them and more so with spouses.
2. Friends we both met at the same time.
3. people we know through church, baseball etc.

I don't attend the same church ( she is united and I'm catholic) but we did take turns visiting each other churches. I even volunteer for many fundraisers as does she.
I joined another baseball league but still run into people we know.

So do I cut them all off. How do I decide.

What do I say if ask about the breakup. Some people ask what happened.

I know know that she has lied about who cheated in her last relationship and she said to people it was him.( a lie)

[toronto guy]

I digital pictures of my ex family some of them are b-day of kids, newborn shots and of her parents. Her mom past away last year. I am told no contact with her. However I told her a few weeks ago during the breakup that I would bring it to her or email it. This might start contact with her.

Should I send it to her brother and ask him to put it on disc and give it to her. She only has computer access at work and might be restricted on what she can open by the system. I took my computer with me so there is no access at home.

Should I keep copies for myself or should I also cut this out of my life.

[ForeverZero]

If she wanted the pictures bad, she'd ask for them, or ask somebody else to ask for them, so don't worry about what she wants.

As far as you're concerned, right now destroying them would be a little too much for you to handle emotionally. What I did with all of the digital pictures of my ex, I upped them to my computer, then asked my friend to hide them in some assinine way that's so deep in the bowels of my computer that I'll never find them by accident. Then, if down the line, you want to see them, you got to ask them where to find them. Also helps to rename them so there's no search feature that'll help you find them when you want to. That way they're there, and if you trust your buddy enough to not let you find them when you're not ready, you won't. Just a thought. I haven't gone looking for them.

[ForeverZero]

Here's the deal. You're not in charge of what she thinks. In fact, you're so far from caring about what she thinks right now, you're james dean. He may be dead, but that only further proves my point that he doesn't care. You do what you feel is appropriate, and move away from behavior that you plan on her response for. I would, however, advise that you don't talk about her to them. I'd guarantee everything you say about her will get back to her, and that's ALWAYS a bad thing. She needs you to be over her. She doesn't need to hear from her friends that you're depressed and miserable, because that'll just make her feel sorry for you, and lead you in a direction you don't want to go in. I did all this 2 months ago, trust me dude, I did all these things a few months ago, and I'm sure there's no shortage of people on here that'll tell you it's stupid.

[ForeverZero]

Also, as far as when people ask what happened. The polite way of saying it's none of your business is to say "Ask her". If they're mutual friends, and care, they will. Your responses are going to be loaded and they will certainly get back to her. You need to not feed anything that's going to allow you to think that they might go back and be a middle man to rescue you.

[Nosnosna]

Sending them via her brother is a good idea. That will get them back to her while preserving no contact.

Since you're not going to be involved in the lives of the family going forward, you don't need to keep the pictures. Do with them the same thing you would do with love letters from this girl... they're part of that phase of your life. If that means destroy them, first make absolutely sure that she has received them... breakups are painful enough without adding the drama of destroyed possessions to the equation.

[toronto guy]

I think I will use the brother. He has set me straight in the past and he is going through a breakup with his wife.

As for destroying the pictures. I am still thinking of keeping atlesast a few in storage. I still have some of some ex's from over the years. I just never look at them unless I am cleaning up storage. Maybe its good maybe its bad.

[toronto guy]

I just don't want to be seen as the person who did the cheating. That's what she said about her ex husband to people. Later I found out that it was her that cheated.

[TheSavage]

I think sending them to her brother is a good idea -- why hurt her whole family?-- save the pic`s you want/like --in a few years they will most likely bring good memory's
Breakups are hell but time heals and you might recall what you saw in her.

[toronto guy]

I am surprised that I have not heard from her yet. It has been a week. Last time few times we tried a break she called every few days. I know that she is now seeing this guy and I and a little upset that it's that easy for her. Instead of dealing with issues that she wanted to do and not be involved with anyone she has gone and started dating this guy. (well she was seeing him at the same time as me.) I guess I though this break up would be hard on her also. It almost feels like the last 5+ years has meant nothing. I am hope that she messes up the new relationship. It will give me some satisfaction.
I know it should be about me and I should not think about her.
Its sucks that she gets rewarded with no grief, a new relationship to help her not think about the old. I know that she will probably repeat the pattern.

[toronto guy]

I want to know how telling this new guy what he is in for with my ex. He is the one who has been cheating with her knowing that I existed and would call her cell phone and avoid the home phone. He promised many things to her and told her to leave me to go out with him.I know she is to blame to allow this to go on and finally falling for him. I have been in an argument with him over the phone when he called her cell phone to talk with her. He said that she should be with him. I more or less want to just tell him about her past and other things that he does not know about. It might make him think twice at best it might only cause some arguments between them much like he did do my relationship.

It will make me feel better at least in the short term. I can't see things making me feel worse then her cheating and saying she is not in love with me.

I know you say that this will hurt me but I can't see how.

[starsbooty]

Hhmph... you don't want her but you don't want nobody else to have her! Let him find out on his own how much of a B she is. You dealt with her to long let it go and move on.. let them do what they want, and be happy you now know what type of person she really is. And stop the arguing with him, your only making yourself look like a fool when she is the one feeling like 2 guys are fighting over her.. she chose him, so now you choose you and be happy by yourself! And even if you do tell him what type of person she is, its NOT going to matter, its obvious, she cheated to be with him, and he is the real fool if he thinks she won't cheat on him to be with someone else.. let it go!

[shygrneyzs]

He knows what she is like. It did not bother him to date her while she was still with you. I would say let it be. It is his problem now, not yours. She cheated on you, she may well cheat on him, and he may cheat on her. Think of that. Be glad it is not you.

Stay away from that drama.