[ZGHJ91]

I love my girlfriend. She tells me that she loves me too. At the same time she also tells me that she has fantasies about other guys and that I should be fine with it because it is just a fantasy and it will never happen and she says she will never cheat on me. At the same time she has recently started talking to her ex who she says that she still has some feelings for because they dated for a long time. She has been talking to him for more hours in the day then I get to talk to her. Should I be worried? Or is she honestly just trying to be friends with him?

[talaniman]

How old are you both, and how long have you been together? How long have they been split up?

These are important questions to answer as generally, having exes in your life makes for some very deep trust and fear issues. That goes for her exes too.

[missbeth90]

I believe that your girlfriend loves you but at the same time I think she's quite confused. She's talking to her ex because she wants to, not for any other reason. So you've got to ask yourself honestly why does she feel compelled to talk to him for hours a day?

Lots of people wish to remain friends with their exs but by friends I mean able to have a quick catch up every couple of months at the most. It's not healthy for her or your relationship. She's admitted to still having feelings for him which is fair as they were together a long time but she should not have entered a new relationship without being properly over him. I sound preachy but I know what I'm talking about because I was her. By still talking to him on such a regular basis she's allowing these feelings that she has for him to stick around and possibly grow. Without cutting contact she'll find it quite hard to to ever get over what feelings she does have for him, which isn't a good sign for your relationship.

I don't know what sort of situation she's in; like for instance whether she has to see him every day because they work together. If not, I suggest you talk to her and let her know that you're not comfortable with her having such an intense relationship with her ex for your relationship to work.

I apologise if I've seemed harsh I just want you to realise that what she is doing is not OK so that you don't get hurt.

[Jake2008]

She is putting her ex boyfriend into the category of just another fantasy man, among other fantasy men, and that you should be okay with it.

But, we aren't talking about her thinking of her ex as George Cloony here, we are talking about a real, live, ongoing connection, with a man she is having a relationship with. It is not insignificant, and she puts forth a really lame excuse to cover her behaviour.

This guy is very real, and your girlfriend has put him right smack between the two of you. He also has a very real past that intimately involved your girlfriend because they shared a part of their lives together.

That relationship was supposed to be over. But, it is not over, and maybe never was.

I can't imagine another man mixing it up with an ex girlfriend, knowing that she is not available. What kind of man does that to another man. And what kind of woman spends far too much time hanging onto an old flame, at the expense of her current boyfriend.

I would say they are both cowards.

And I would say you are being naïve if you think that it is only a fantasy...