[Tylern2004]

I'm 21 and I've had sex with about 10 girls my whole life. Many of them I found very attractive and even fell in love with some of them. When I was younger I was always very attracted to women, and I felt somewhat attracted to men but not sexually. Throughout life I've had a small attraction to men, but nothing too extreme. I have had a lot of really bad relationships that ended badly, sometimes with me finding out they cheated on me. After my most recent, I've been feeling sad and alone, and am have a hard time feeling very attracted to women again. For some reason men have become more attractive to me, not so much physically but emotionally, and I seem to be thinking about one of the my good friends a lot in a non sexual way. Am I gay?

[DaniCalifornia]

The only person that can truly know the answer is yourself sweetheart.

Is it possible you just feel for your friends as they mean a lot to you socially/emotionally? Or is it more of a relationship feeling?

X Dani

[Tylern2004]

I don't know. I know I don't really want a relationship with him or anything, but I don't know what's happening. I used to be so into girls, but now all I see when I see a woman is heartache. One of my friends told me how one of her gay guy friends used to have a girlfriend, until he switched to guys after he broke her heart. I have never been sexually attracted to guys, and if there was any thoughts of a guy I would never think of them sexually. Even now.

[DaniCalifornia]

It's quite a touchy topic so I'm a bit wary with giving you advice.

What is it you're feeling towards these men? Or is it just that you're sick of what you've experienced in the past; heartache you've received from women?

It sounds to me like you've recently come out of a bad relationship with a woman

X Dani

[Tylern2004]

Its only one guy, my best friend. And its emotional connection I guess. He just had the same thing happen to him and he got out of a relationship with his ex. Mine cheated on me, and this was over a year ago. I loved her... so much. And I still feel for her. He really loved his ex too and they just broke up. I know he's handsome and that's really all. No feelings of wanting to have sex. But if I thought about having sex with him, it doesn't turn me off. Its weird. It doesn't turn me on, but I know he's an attractive guy. Deep down I still know I want women, to be with a woman. But I'm emotionally shot right now, and not having a lot of close friends besides him doesn't help either.

[0rphan]

You have had a lot of relationships with women that have ended badly,making you feel sad and alone, your attraction towards women is obviously damaged,you don't trust them any more.

You say you feel attracted to men, not sexually, but emotionally.Maybe it's because you know your male friends, have been through what your going through right now.They will know how you are feeling emotionally.
Perhaps it's just the idea of being with someone of your own sex... curiosity... then of course you could be bi-sexual.Personally I'd say your straight.

I don't for one second think you are gay, just a bit confused right now

[Tylern2004]

I know I hope so. But I don't know what to do. All my time now is spend thinking about whether I'm gay or not. It worries me. Ive been spending sleepless nights trying to just figure out what I want. In all reality I realize I want what I had. But there's a... coldness that wasn't there before. Many people say that I'm the one who will know if I'm gay or not. But I know what I had. I know what it was like to be happy. But now all I do is second guess myself... why are my feelings towards women fading? I see them return from time to time, and if I have sex with a woman I am still aroused, and I only think of her. Not a guy or anything

[Tylern2004]

I'm 21 and am in college now. My whole life I was brought up to be anti gay. I would always (as a id and in highschool) look at porn online, and only look at females. I could masturbate and get off to this and it was what I liked. Afew times in high school and now in college I've had sort of guy crushes. Simply original attraction and nothing more. I've been in a lot of relationships with women, some that I really liked being with and others not so much. My first time having sex I was very nervous and couldn't get and erection. Sometimes, when I'm nervous I get like that even now. It worries me, and lately I've been very worried that I might be gay because my libido is WAY down. I had some very bad relationships with women in the past year, being left but some, and cheated on by a girl I liked very much. Now all I do is drift from hookup to hookup with women. Now my sex drive is almost nonexistent. One of my good friends recently had something similar happen, where he got dumped. Now I seem to be attracted towards him, more emotionally than sexually. I've never looked at gay porn, and have only been interestested in women my whole life. I'm so depressed, I can't even go outside. Please, help?

[Cat1864]

I don't think you are gay. Even with your friend it sounds like you are looking to fill an emotional void left by some bad relationships.

There are a lot of reasons for a person's libido to decrease. Stress, exhaustion, medical, drugs (medicines and/or recreational), Depression and the list goes on are all possible causes. It could even be a mixture of reasons, but they can be worked through if you give yourself the chance. Poor eating, sleeping and exercise habits can also cause problems and make other issues worse.

I think you need to take a step back and build up your relationship with yourself. That means go and do things because they help you feel good about you. Let dating and hook-ups slide for awhile. Get involved in activities where you can meet people and make friends while taking the pressure off yourself to be in any type of relationship.

It might be an idea to see a therapist especially if you are so depressed you don't want to leave your house. Depression can begin as feeling down but if it persists it can become a physical issue. A therapist can also help you work through the feelings left by your relationships with women which sounds like where your problem is.

Getting hurt or feeling betrayed over and over again can take a huge toll on your self-confidence. When you start doubting one part of yourself, it is very common for other doubts to creep in. Building up your confidence in yourself will probably help your libido come back.

As for your first time having sex, most people are nervous and many men probably have the same problem you did. Nerves can cause issues that experience over comes.

[Curlyben]

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