[Mooon_x]

Hey,my nicknames moon,I rather not mention my name over the worldwide-web.this has nagged me for years but how can you explain that your happy or just depressed? I don't know how to even express it so ill just tell you the problems.
1)i seem to envy others over big and little things then when I see what I wanted from them,I don't even want them after.
2)i have a boyfriend of 2years almost 3months but there was I guy I really liked same amount as my boyfriend or a little more.we was both willing to be with one another butt now he has a fiancée he's moving to new zealand next year and I won't ever see him again.I don't know whether I'm being used for my body or its something real.
3) I get irrated by people just talking whether its whispers too.if I get a moody face reaction from someone I seeem to walk away.
4)when I'm horny I have such sexual desires next day,someone starts talking to me about sex I have no interest to speak of it or talk to them after
5)i know many people have this problem- but I look at others and think why can't I be like them.look at yourself.you look like a bag of **** you are a waste of space.why did you even bother being a live.
6)why was I brought onto the world.is there actually a purpose of me here? The world still keeps on rotating.
7)my parents got divorced young.my dad didn't said I wasn't his child when I was just a littl 1year old to my mother and grandmother.he said he never wanted to see my face (since then I havent)
8)i got racially bullied for 6years from pupils,people I didn't know and those that worked with school yes teachers.
9)i always listen to one song after watching the episode. They're All Dead By Beetroot
10) I want to communicate with new people but they seem to treat me odd even if I jusst say a friendly hello.
11)i feel that no one wants me and that I may remain single for the rest of my life,its like I'm a ghost exploring the same house wandering around looking for something but what is it?
12)i sometimes think should I section myself so I'm forever alone,no worries.constant routined life everyday all day.

My mother and my grandmother and the dad that grew me up all ignore me and never listen or either say don't talk **** and say I'm an emotional blackmailing person.they just don't want to hear what I have to say.I cry they just get up and do what they wish whilst I'm still there.so I run to my bedroom lock the door and isolate myself until I'm called for dinner after I wash the dishes and no one says a word to me.as if I'm a servant maid to do my duty then just go.

[joypulv]

Hi moon, you are not alone in the world. Others feel this way. You grew up lacking a lot of love, and that is why you crave other people's things but it feels meaningless (it is meaningless), why you have maybe too much casual sex (yes, chances are it is just for your body), why you feel depressed, why it's hard to form good relationships. You have to learn what some people are given easily by being loved, simple as that. Families have so many problems that this is actually pretty common. I'm very sorry you have to live with a dad who says he's not your father (awful). Who cares whose sperm met the egg? We are all people.

Learning to have some sense of self worth can take a lifetime. I gave up wondering why we exist, because there really isn't one. Letting go of that is sort of liberating. We are here because we are lifeforms on a planet that has life. We are no different from the little bug that lives one day. We just think a lot about the past and the future, and we think about what we don't know, and that's the difference. There's schools of thought that teach 'living in the moment' where you rid yourself of past grief and future worries.

One key to getting over lack of childhood love is to step over the line of wanting to be liked and doing the liking first. You must know someone who is shy and awkward and lonely, maybe someone who is unattractive or unliked by others. See if that person might be a good friend. You only need one. You DON'T need boyfriends while you sort out your life. They are just crutches and you will most likely be hurt.

Being old enough to leave home isn't going to be the great cure either. You will still struggle with relationships until you find out how to overcome your past. I went through that, many of us did. Maybe your reason for living will become helping the younger ones who are like you.

[dashabunniered]

Everything you are saying is normal. You are not alone.

[xiochoice]

Woa,

Those are very strong emotions, I will suggest talking to a professional or somebody more qualified. I can't tell that you are a very strong woman, don't others influence how you act, or live your life. Set goals for yourself and proof all those ignorants people wrong.

I am a mother of two beautiful girls and I hope that if my girls ever feel the way you do, they will come to me.

I am sure you are very love by your mother and grandmother, I know that sometimes we can be a bit hard to our kids, but remember that parenting does not come with instructions and that we learn as we go.

Good Luck,

Mara