[LanteAn]

Hello everyone!

So here it goes... My girlfriend and I were only together for a few months before I deployed oversea's. They were the most magical and amazing few months of my life. We met eachothers family and friends and everything was perfect. Everybody loved us and looked at us as the perfect couple. Well the first 6 months of the deployment seemed to be going just fine. We argued a few times but other than that she was supportive, my best friend and everything was great. Well After the 6th month of the deployment things started to gradually go downhill. I noticed less and less effort, appreciation, love and energy coming from her. And now at the 8th month she has finally told me that she loves me but she's not "in love with me" anymore.

I try to tell her to look at the good side of things and that it is kind of natural for someone to lose feelings for another after not being together in person for a prolonged period. She's checking out of the relationship but hasn't broken it off completely. What can I do to help win back her heart and keep her with me. Push through the last 2 months of the deployment so I can come home and fix things the right way. She's my everything...

-I've tried just talking and there's no "showing logic" to a women who's lost attraction lol.

-I've tried giving her space and it just feels like she's slipping away more.
-I think she might be trying to push me away so I'll break up with her and save her the feeling of guilt for leaving a deployed soldier.

[Fr_Chuck]

I am sorry this has happened, but even in relationships that are several years old, being apart for months and up to a year at a time can be hard.

The "logic" is you are not there, you are not holding her at night, not taking her out and not there when she needs you there.

This is the lot of being a soldier and why there is a high divorce rate in the military, ( along with some other professions)

Perhaps when you get back home, you can get back with her, if not, well there is the next girl the next time that may really be the perfect one.

The amazing things after time, dream girls are often more nightmares after you look back with a more realistic vision

[talaniman]

Let her go guy, waiting is hard, and see what's happening when you come home. Then you can better see if things can be fixed.

[TrueFaith]

There is no logic in love big guy sorry.

I'm not going to use the normal lines of, time is a great healer and if it's not meant to be it's not meant to be.
Although them being true! Still does not help your situation

It just plain sucks! And I really feel for you.

I've seen a lot of long distance relationships work
Why? Because both sides put the effort into the relationship
As you said you knew there was a problem before she even ended it by the lack of effort on her part.

She wasn't the right one. Nows the time to focus on yourself!
You keep yourself safe out there
And come home to your family

Then you can focus on The other things

Good luck!

[LanteAn]

Thanks for some of the advice you guys but I have some recent developments.

I gave her a few days of space and not talking. Then yesterday we had one of the best conversations we have
Had in a long time. She was actually being really nice, came up with a new pet name. Asked if I needed her to send me anything for my cold, made a reference to the future when I get home and it just overall felt good again. I'm wondering if I should keep this space thing up or if that will just be counterproductive.

[JoeCanada76]

Hello everyone!

So here it goes... My girlfriend and I were only together for a few months before I deployed oversea's. They were the most magical and amazing few months of my life. We met eachothers family and friends and everything was perfect. Everybody loved us and looked at us as the perfect couple. Well the first 6 months of the deployment seemed to be going just fine. We argued a few times but other than that she was supportive, my best friend and everything was great. Well After the 6th month of the deployment things started to gradually go downhill. I noticed less and less effort, appreciation, love and energy coming from her. And now at the 8th month she has finally told me that she loves me but she's not "in love with me" anymore.

I try to tell her to look at the good side of things and that it is kind of natural for someone to lose feelings for another after not being together in person for a prolonged period of time. She's checking out of the relationship but hasn't broken it off completely. What can I do to help win back her heart and keep her with me. Push through the last 2 months of the deployment so I can come home and fix things the right way. She's my everything.....

-I've tried just talking and there's no "showing logic" to a women who's lost attraction lol.

-I've tried giving her space and it just feels like she's slipping away more.
-I think she might be trying to push me away so i'll break up with her and save her the feeling of guilt for leaving a deployed soldier.

First: You knew each other only for a few months. So you guys did not really know each other to begin with.

Second: Then you went away on deployment and gone for how long? Can you really expect a relationship that only was for a few months to continue strong when it did not even have time to truly develop?

Third: It does not matter what anybody else thought, or whether you met each other families, whether you guys looked like a perfect couple to everyone else. Does not make it so.

Fourth: You took the sacrifice and made the decision to be a soldier which entails a lot of sacrifice even if that means losing somebody you thought would be good together, but as I said the relationship was hardly in the development stage because you just known her for a short time anyway.

Fifth: There is not much more you can do when your away. You will need to wait until you make it back home. The thing is remember there is no such thing as winning anybody back. No one is a prize to be won

Sixth: She is more realistic and logic then you are. I know that might sound harsh but she is not living in a dream relationship that has not even had a chance to develop and then all of a sudden your not together anymore because you had to go away.

Seventh: There might be no way of fixing as you say, but not much you can do right now until you make it back and in person. The only thing you can do is come back and see where things are. Either both of you work on it together or decide that it is finished. It is up to both of you.

Best of luck in this situation. Really do, My answer would be different if your relationship was longer before being deployed.

Joe

[talaniman]

I think it will take more than one good conversation to make this LDR work. You have to understand her FEAR, that this may not work, that she may not see you again, and this may not lead where she is wanting to go. None of this is fun for her now, and that's what the early stages of this LDR is missing, the having fun, getting to know each other part. It was cut short, so expect up and down feelings, and a lot of fears, and insecurities, as its hard to put faith in an unproven, untested relationship.

Heck LDR's are difficult for the mature, long term partners, who have had years together.

If I were you, and you chose to continue down this path, expect it to be a very bumpy road ahead, and not a smooth sailing love fest.