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confused_guy · Feb 15, 2007, 07:11 PM

I'm also proud of myself that I didn't ask for or demand any kind of answer from her at this point too. The simple fact that she called shows that she still cares and probably wants to feel things out to see if they are going to work. I don't need her to necessarily say it outright!

confused_guy · Feb 16, 2007, 04:03 AM

No feedback? I expected you guys to be all over the latest entry my little saga.

rol · Feb 16, 2007, 06:30 AM

Keep cool... just because she rang you may not mean much.
She has many things on her mind.

Don't get needy with her now, when a loved one pulls away we have the opposite reaction to be nice and needy, and well that will pull them away even further.

Right now get out and do many many things and don't be at her beck and call. Get as busy as you can.

valinors_sorrow · Feb 16, 2007, 06:31 AM

Originally Posted by confused_guy

No feedback? I expected you guys to be all over the latest entry my little saga.

With all due respect to value of "support" Confused Guy, is this about getting attention or solving the dilemma? The kind of comment you made here could leave some folks wondering... and I, for one, am not so much about the former but I am here sincerely for the latter. And its okay if you don't agree with our solutions but that doesn't mean we're obligated to come up with new ones either. Just a thought.

Wildcat21 · Feb 16, 2007, 09:40 AM

This guy wants a lot of attention.

I think maybe he shouldn't be I na relationship right now. No WONDER this gal wants space. I want spac from him to.

Dude. You need to learn to chill and be busy doing other things. This gal isn't your life - just part of your life.

This guy has a lot of growing up to do. Some people never get and never grow up.

Nohitter410 · Feb 16, 2007, 10:56 AM

I am sure you have a lot to offer any girl confused guy but look at this, you have made over 5 pages of notes on this subject and about 3 or 4 are all from you. Without even getting a response you are giving constant updates of every little tid bit of your life.

We are here to help and try to give you our advice and opinions on what we think is best but ultimately it falls back to you. You need to figure out what you want and take a step back and you said it yourself " she hates my nagging and constant questions". Well practice reflective listening and instead of coming up with a response or a comment so quick, maybe think longer about what that person said and then respond. It is like writing a paper when you communicate to someone, you need to brainstorm your thoughts then get them out on paper. If you think and then speak it will work out a lot better. Good luck to you.

valinors_sorrow · Feb 16, 2007, 01:02 PM

Well said, Nohitter. That was what I meant to say and didn't. I would have rep'd you but I got the spread message, grrrr.

confused_guy · Feb 16, 2007, 02:03 PM

It's not about getting attention, it's about dealing with the dilemma the best I can. Hard to go against your nature and not run to someone, just like you guys said. So it's easier to fill my spare time outside of home life and school to get feedback here.

rol, thanks for the advice. I'm sticking my ground and not calling her or anything. To do that now would be stupid because I made a point of telling her that since I care about her I should try to give her the things she wants or needs even when it's difficult for me.

I expect to hear from her in the next day or two anyway once her parents leave town. She's going to be climbing the walls at home, but it will be the best opportunity for her to think. She told me she loved me for the first time a few days ago, even though I could already tell by the way she looks at me. I doubt that I'm going to just disappear from her mind that easily. Like I said, the fact that she called last night and we talked for almost an hour shows she hasn't shut down completely to me.

Wildcat, I have had a busy day today and just logged in to see what people thought about last night's situation. I'm going to the gym tonight and watching a movie. Tomorrow I plan to get up and around and go to the library to study. From there I don't know, but I'll figure out something. I'm a fast typer with a lot on my mind, so I think you're reading too much into things.

Nohitter, thank you for that. I spoke with my mother earlier today and we were talking about the same thing. I grew up kind of watching my father and my sister be very reactive with their significant others. My mom more kind of pulled away (later on in life, she said... at first she would do the same thing). I'm actually finding that the time apart made our conversation that much more valuable last night. We still talked about our entire days, just didn't go over them with a fine tooth comb. It was particularly hard before because she had such a small apartment, no TV, nothing. So we were pretty much left face to face all the time and arguments would arise.

Who knows, maybe her going home could be a good thing for our relationship if it continues?

Almost forgot, I went to the apartment today and dropped her laundry off like I said I would. Grabbed my stuff, did the dishes and took out the trash too, because who knows if she'll be there for a couple more days? I started to write her a note but ended up scrapping it and took it out with the trash. She's not stupid, she'll know what I did in there. She'll probably end up calling me in the next day or two anyway, and if she asks I'll let her know.

Space, space, space!

Wildcat21 · Feb 16, 2007, 02:17 PM

Get some new hobbies.

They part of oyur life. Not your life.

confused_guy · Feb 16, 2007, 02:21 PM

Yeah, I'll probably ring some friends tomorrow and see what's up. Thanks, Wildcat. I am trying to do the best I can!

buckeyes01 · Feb 17, 2007, 07:03 AM

It is very hard to give space. I was in a relationship that we talked on the phone 4-5 times per day and (due to his work schedule) saw each other 2x per week. It has been hard to deal with not letting the fingers do the walking. Although I will have to call him about a couple of things... I have decided to give them space, if they come back around then it was meant to be. I know it is tough. He has called me four times after we broke up and it has only been one day of not talking at all since Sunday (in two years). Hang in there!

87vaz · Feb 18, 2007, 06:43 AM

I'm in the same situation.actually the secondtime. Been together about 10mths. The first time, she called me after 1 day. That was after being together for 3mths. It's been 3 days. No contact. It is drivingme crazy, but there'snothing I candobecause I knowI love her and want to bewith her,so it's up to her. I ama messbut do understand.

buckeyes01 · Feb 18, 2007, 07:08 AM

I am right there with you. However, I have to call soon because there are some things that he needs. Otherwise, I am just hanging on and will have to call somewhere down the line. I am trying to play a game with myself and have him be the first to call. But, I want to put everything behind me. Any suggestions?

confusedspace · Jan 26, 2009, 02:30 PM

Hello all! I'm new to this forum and thought I'd pick up the ball because I'm dealing with my perceptions of space too.

First, I do want to thank *everyone* who has contributed to this thread - the first few pages were insightful, and to be honest, confused_guy, you started really well and then started to sound needy and expecting others to be sensitive to your needs - you even called your relationship a "saga" at one point and we all just want you to put down your story and start fresh! I'm hoping now that it's been almost 2 years, you do find yourself in a better place.

buckeyes01, where you at? You're the tail of this thread :)

I will post my question as a separate thread and hope this is okay with everyone!