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amh87 · Sep 1, 2011, 06:01 AM

I have known this guy for at least 4 years now. We met through mutual friends.

To cut a long story short, we have never been in a relationship, but we have always had a strong connection and have dated on quite a few occasions. I have always wanted more, but he was always fickle and we always ended up arguing.

He's one of those people who, after arguing, would leave me alone for months on end and later on get in contact via Facebook/text and act as if nothing had happened.

It's been the same old routine - we act as if we're together, we argue over silly stuff or another girl comes on the scene, we don't speak, he gets in touch and all is new again, then back to square one. But last month he said this time he really wanted to give me and him a go, no game playing, no mind games, we were older and more mature now. There has always been something special between us because we would never be able to stay mad at each other for long and we always go back to each other.

Neither of us were angels in the past. We met up a few weeks back to have a "chat" about me and him getting together and I expressed my feelings about how much he angered and frustrated me and how much I felt used because whenever someone new came along he would always ditch me. He took the reality of my feelings quite negatively and since then he's been very cold.

I tried to reassure him by telling him the reason I felt the way I did was because he was the guy I'd wanted to be with for years but was never able to have or never felt good enough for him. He said I was silly and said we were worth giving a go.

He hasn't been in touch as often since then and I'm not sure exactly where I stand. He still claims he's hurt by the things I said and is afraid that if we were to get together properly this time that we would end up arguing as per usual but this time we would lose our friendship too.

How do I get him to come around?. Or do I need to break the pattern and let him go once and for all?

amicon · Sep 1, 2011, 07:28 AM

To put it in a few words-yes break the pattern.

Too much drama,no substance-move on.

talaniman · Sep 1, 2011, 11:26 AM

You already know how this dance ends, and who gets hurt. Stop dancing around with this one.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...me-554880.html

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...nd-588433.html

Same guy(s)?

BK201 · Sep 1, 2011, 11:47 AM

You worth more than that, don't you think? Yes, you should break the pattern, since he is taking your feelings for granted. Not a good thing.

I wish · Sep 1, 2011, 01:38 PM

At this point, you two are either all in or all out. No more dancing around and playing in limbo. It's time to either fully commit to each other or drop the idea and move on with your lives.

Though the odds may seem to be stacked against you, why not give it a shot? If it doesn't work out, then at least you tried. But if you never seriously give it a go, then you will be in the same situation a year from now. And the cycle begins again.

I think it's time to figure this out once and for all so that you don't keep falling into the same trap year after year.

vanheart · Sep 1, 2011, 11:33 PM

"we have never been in a relationship"

"we act as if we're together"

Or YOU do. Not him

"do I need to break the pattern and let him go once and for all?"

Yup.

"after arguing, would leave me alone for months on end and later on get in contact via Facebook"

Screw that,

Typical. Don't stroke his FB. Defriend. Hes happy for some FB love. Hes gone as far as you are concerned.

No sense in wasting time over someone that isn't ready for you.
When are going to learn?

Hes showing you. By his lack of YOU.

"It's been the same old routine"

Is that what you want? The same routine? You trying for him? When he doesn't care?

Stop trying. As of now.

vanheart · Sep 1, 2011, 11:37 PM

Sorry, Im going to shorten my last comment:

"we have never been in a relationship"
"It's been the same old routine"

Huh?

amh87 · Sep 2, 2011, 02:01 AM

Many thanks for all your comments. It's been great to get some impartial advice as most of my friends and family know the situation inside and out.

talaniman - nope this is a different guy to the others (but this guy has always been lurking in the background)...

vanheart - I have taken your advice on board and have deleted him from Facebook. He wasn't very happy and has now told me our friendship is over as it was a "petty and childish move".

I suppose this is what I needed, to completely cut him out and move on.

Thanks everyone!