[moonshower]

I'm having a terribly difficult time getting through my first breakup from a 2 yr relationship (it's been a little under 2 months).

At the beginning of the relationship he swept me off my feet, supported me in my academic ambitions, put a huge effort to get along with my family, and treated me like a life partner would and I also reciprocated. 6 months into our relationship we started to seriously talk about marriage. I really thought he was the one.

1 year and a half into our relationship, things took a nose dive. I found out that he was in a relationship with another woman (she was calling him her boyfriend, there was a sex video, I also found emails from her which indicated that she knew about me,etc.). I was so broken and crushed. For 6 months I was intensely unhappy and distressed, he called me 5 times a day to let me know where he was, we went to counseling, etc. SHEwas always in the background and he would say to me "we need to be a team, ignore HER, she's mentally unstable and is trying to destroy me". However, I couldn't ignore it and would often say out loud that I couldn't be with him. When this happened he would cry really hard and tell me that he loved me and couldn't lose me. But I just couldn't trust him, there were too many suspicious things that kept happening, so I broke up with him.

A few weeks after I did, I found out that he was in a relationship with HER, and there were pictures of them on Facebook. Seeing this made me die a little inside.When I saw these pictures, it became very apparent that in the 6 months in which we tried to work things out he was still going behind my back. He called me a few weeks after we broke up and I asked him about it. He denied it and told me still that nothing was going on that HER, is crazy and that he loves me unconditionally and wants to see me do well and wants to help in any way that he can to make me feel better.

I do not believe him and I know the only person I can trust is myself. What I believe is he was/and is in a relationship while trying to work things out with me, he probably has told tow stories about me and called me crazy too. This relationship was my first, and he has totally destroyed my trust. He was so smooth and had explanations and excuses for everything. It was when I broke up with him that he turned really nasty, pointing the finger at me, accusing my friends and family of causing our break up and even went as far as saying I have a character flaw which is my inability to trust him even though he "worked so hard to build up our trust".

I know I did the right thing, but my mind cannot seem to stop thinking about this for more than a few minutes. I wake up every morning and feel so intensely sad and am still in such disbelief. Most frightening is that this situation has made me second guess my ability to judge people.
I'm trying to take appropriate steps e.g. keep myself busy, surround myself with good friends and family, cry when I need to. However, SHE called me the other day texted me, told me to stay away from her boyfriend (my now ex). She texted me WHILE he was on the phone with me (he called my house line). When I told him this , he started panicking and crying and told me not to respond, that he would take care of it, that he wasn't with her. I told him off- he made me feel so sick at that moment. I was so angry that I told HER everything that my ex had said about her. SHE, in her text, told me that my lies were nothing to them and that she and my ex were stronger than ever.

How long does it take to heal from something like this? I want answers about why this was done. Now he's with HER, and it's just been a few weeks after we've broken up. It's so painful. I don't know what to do.

[talaniman]

Since this was your first one and you are devastated that you gave your heart to a lying cheater, and your wounds are still fresh and hurting, I would say a year at the least to be really healed. Of course that depends greatly on how well you do the right things for yourself, and leave the two losers completely alone as you grieve, rebuild, and regroup, so you can heal.

Read these stickies so you will know what to do for yourself, and let us know what else you need to know.

[amicon]

Have nothing more to do with them-don't take their calls- change your cell phone number ,no FB-and I think you will find that you ll start to detox from this mess.
This guy is scum,there is no other word for it.
Healing takes time,but it does get easier day by day.
Be good to yourself.
Take care.

[anonymous11]

Im sorry to see you go through this. I'm going through a hot mess myself. I really think I'm a bad judge of character too. I'm starting to think that they cry to manipulate us.. its gross.