[dwpranger]

We dated 9 months, 6 exclusively.
She was always a little distant in my opinion, but she always assured me that she's just not the 'emotional' type.
Within a month prior to the speech I had discussed her commitment level with me and she assured me that she was with me, but couldn't promise 100%. Once she even said somedays I love you, somedays I don't, but I do want to be with you.

According to her she asked for a break because she ran into an ex that dumped her and broke her heart twice and she was confused by her feelings for him. She also mentioned that there is a lot of fun stuff that goes on in the summer that she wants to be a part of (presumably as a single person). I should also note that our work schedules are way out of sync in the summer. Essentially she's said "Though someday I hope to, I can't give you all of me right now...go find someone who can if you want...follow your heart."

In the 5 weeks since the break speech this is what I have observed:

-What she is saying:
She needs a break
It's just a break, not a break up
She believes we will end up together
She hopes one day, when she is able to tell me, I will understand
Says she doesn't know where she is at, but she will let me know when she does (Isn't this conflicting with previous statement?)
Said she is not dating anyone else (at the time of the break she kissed this person, but felt very bad about it)
She said she made her decision, but then denied saying that and said she wasn't sure but is leaning towards choosing me
She encouraged me to see other people... says if she can't give me her heart, I deserve someone else's
She tells me she is not looking for someone else. She is confused enough by two.

-What she is doing
Turned off romantic interest (there have been a few exceptions, but they have all been instigated by me)
She contacts me as regularly as possible given her work schedule
Tells me details of what she has been up to, and assures me I have nothing to worry about.
Asks what I have been up to
She goes out with coworkers more than she did previously (although this is seasonally regular for her), but it is supposedly brief (less than an hour most times.
By her account she communicates with this other person occasionally (once or twice a week), nothing more

I know the signs of cheating and she just doesn't exhibit them. Before this, she never gave me a reason not to trust her. I know she is in touch with her ex. I know they have kissed, but she seems to have stopped that with him too! I just don't see her giving her heart to him.

As for me it seems she is just not interested/ attracted... BUT why does she tell me she's leaning towards being with me, constantly contact me, and hang out with me basically as much as we always have... just not as bf/gf? I think she wants to be with me, she wants me to win her over (again)... she even said we can date again and go slowly, but she tells me she can't give me any more than friendship right now...

I am one that needs closure to move on and breaking it off completely is not an option--I would "what if" that for the rest of my life, unless I can convince myself something is wrong with the (potential) relationship (up to this point we got along great) or that she is definitely gone for good, but I don't believe that is the case..

I also know being friends isn't healthy for me or the relationship at this point. I have told her that I won't just be her friend and watch her move on to someone else, but then she assures me that she isn't looking for anyone else.

With our busy work schedules I do feel it's feasible that she is giving me as much time and attention as possible and I know it wouldn't be helpful to ask for more... The night of the speech she actually said that I always have given her sufficient space.
I think I would feel better if she would simply acknowledge me as more than a friend. I don't see why that's so hard.
Any insight is greatly appreciated! Thanks!

[talaniman]

You should have backed off a long time ago and given yourself some time to do your own thing, and get a better perspective on things.

You only see things that give you hope she ends this break, and you may be missing her whole point, to give you both some distance, because she needs some time to resolve her own feelings for this ex she is still talking to, yet doesn't want to be unfaithful to such a nice guy she probably does like on some level.

I think you are way to available, way to reliable when she wants something to do, and way to willing to go along with her program.

You need less time with her, and more for other things. Break or break up, doesn't matter at all, same difference, you are no longer exclusive and see is free to pursue whatever she pleases, and trust me, if something comes up, she will no longer be available to you.

Heck, she doesn't even miss not having you around, or wonder what you are doing. That can't be good, Mr. old reliable always.

[kay1995]

I can not improve on what talaniman said because what he said is exactly true, AKA she is using you when it is convinient to her and babe you deserve wayyyy better <3

[maryjane8520]

I think that ,even though you might not want to, you shout break up. She is using you and she's seeing her ex. She's not sure what she wants.if it was me and my boy, I would have to call it off even if I loved him. Just say'n.