You need to stop idealizing your memory of this guy... Which I don't know how you can do when he abandoned you with his child and has since shut you out from all communication.
Move on with your life. Enjoy your friends and family, and follow whatever passions you have.
In your life, you will have many differnet loves. Your love for this particular guy may have been unique, and you will love again in a different (but no less valid) way with someone new.
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