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sha776739 · Jul 25, 2011, 03:19 PM

Okay so me and my boyfriend have been together for a year and a half and we live together. Today we got into an argument over my fish yes I know its stupid but he started it... but anyway he has to be right about everything and in this one instance he was wrong and he knew it but then he started calling me a ***** and a stupid whore who doesn't know anything right in front of his mother and his younger brother... so I went upstairs into our bedroom to let him cool off and I went beck downstairs for my phone so I could call a friend to see if I could crash on there couch tonight to give him a little separation but he asked me to talk and I said no not right now and he kept trying to get me to talk to him and the third time I said no he got up from the couch and grabbed me and pushed me so hard I know have a bruise on both my upper arms... I have been with him so long and am in love with him but I am scared and don't know what to do please help!

southamerica · Jul 25, 2011, 03:25 PM

Is this the first time anything like this has happened?

How is your social life? Do you have friends outside of your boyfriend that you hang out with sometimes?

Has he called you names before or is this the first time?

Regardless of your answers, I still have this to say:
At no time should someone resort to degrading names or physical violence. Just the mere fact that he has shown the ability/tendency to treat you in this way tells me that he has more in him than that.

You should pack a bag and stay at your friend's house, or move in with your parents. Take time away from him to think about the relationship. I know it's hard, but you're SCARED, and your reason for not knowing what to do is "I have been with him so long"...

Please, before this gets worse, get away from him.

sha776739 · Jul 25, 2011, 03:32 PM

I know he is more capable then this he is in the army and I do have friends outside the relationship but I'm never allowed to see them unless he is with me or they come to my house. And he has done this before but it has never gotten physical he has also taken my car keys and won't give them back and all my friends live like and hour away from me

southamerica · Jul 25, 2011, 03:38 PM

You need to get out of that situation, now. Take the things you need and go. Can you go stay with your friends? What about your family?

I found This article about domestic abuse and the military, it might have some helpful resources.

His abuse is getting worse, he's been controlling you as well. This relationship is toxic and will end up with you badly hurt if you don't leave now. Please leave, stay with whomever you can.

Jake2008 · Jul 25, 2011, 05:35 PM

You say that he grabbed you in front of his mother, and his little brother, and you retreated to your room. Do you live with is family? May I ask how old you both are?

Did his mother say anything to him?

Alty · Jul 25, 2011, 05:49 PM

This is a huge red flag. Been here, done that. Thankfully I got away, and I only have a few scars to show for it.

This isn't the last time he'll put his hands on you. I'd bet money on it. So, you have to decide. Are you okay with being controlled and abused, and can you accept that forever, or do you want something better?

You're here, asking questions, so I'm hoping that you want something better.

Go find it. This relationship will only get worse. You can't change him. Trust me. This behavior will only get worse, not better.

Leave now, before he hits you, or worse, sends you to the hospital. Don't leave this with scars. Leave now while you're still whole.

sha776739 · Jul 25, 2011, 06:11 PM

I'm almost 20 and no they came to visit and I don't know I was to busy trying to run up the stairs

sha776739 · Jul 25, 2011, 06:12 PM

Thank you so much it means a lot to me that you are willing to help

sha776739 · Jul 25, 2011, 06:15 PM

Thank you so much for your answer

amicon · Jul 25, 2011, 10:15 PM

This guy's violence only going to escalate.

You need to leave before it gets worse,because it will.

This isn't about love-it's about power and control-so please for your own safety's sake-get out .

daddyimfallin · Aug 2, 2012, 07:23 PM

Sweety he's being possesive of you and you need to get away from him before its too late #in an abusive realationship for several years then came to my senses.