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Tinushi · Jul 21, 2011, 12:36 AM

I've been dating for an year now and he told me he will never marry me, I broke u0p for a week and than again got back to him. The reason he doesn't want to marry me is that I am not virgin. In my country it means smth to be a virgin but not everyone thinks the same. He is very jelaous on me especially when I go out. I quit all my travelling plans because of him. I work and after work I stay at home only. What should I do to make him marry me or to make him going crazy about me??

amicon · Jul 21, 2011, 03:35 AM

Why do you want to marry a man who can't accept you for who you are?

Find someone who has a different mindset rather than trying to please this jerk.

Cat1864 · Jul 21, 2011, 05:48 AM

Is he a virgin? Does he have sex with you? If yes, then he is a hypocrite and holding you to standards he, himself, couldn't measure up to.

Why are you wanting to marry someone who doesn't trust you and can't accept you as the person you are? It sounds like he wants to use you while he looks for a virgin to marry. I wouldn't be surprised if he thinks you will have so little respect for yourself as to stick around once he finds a wife.

Stop living his life and waiting for him to accept you. As you pointed out, not all people think the way he does so why stay with someone who is making you miserable.

Don't allow him to dictate your life. Don't allow him to make you feel guilty or like you have to atone for your 'past'. It is not his place and you shouldn't accept it.

To be honest, I think he is using your lack of virginity as an excuse to control you. If it wasn't your virginity, it would be something else like the way you dress or you're too friendly or you smiled in the general direction of the waiter. People who want control in a relationship will find any excuse to make you feel like you are the one in the wrong and are beholden to them because you won't find anyone else to accept you. That is such a big lie it is often hard to see around. So deflate it and his ego by accepting yourself and your past. Don't stay with him as a subconscious way to punish yourself.

Make your plans to travel. Go out with friends. Have fun being yourself. If he can't accept you, then he isn't worth your time and energy. Frankly, I think you would much happier letting him stay home while you travel and find a man who wants all of you.

I will add that a year may be a bit too soon to expect marriage from anyone especially if there are unresolved issues in the relationship. Plus, you can't make someone feel the same way you do if he/she doesn't. I don't think he does.

Take care of yourself and have fun. Good luck.

talaniman · Jul 21, 2011, 04:30 PM

He ain't the one, that's why he won't marry you, and you can't make him.

Fr_Chuck · Jul 21, 2011, 07:04 PM

Do yourself a favor and find someone new that will respect you

Tinushi · Jul 24, 2011, 11:55 PM

The problem is that I left two other guys in my life and moved away and if I continue to do so I think I'll never have a family. You are right I have to find someone to accept me as who I am. I am 32, I am beautiful good body-he is not handsome he's shorter than me, bachelor degree he has only secondary school and was going for master studies,I quit because of him but I have to find a way to get rid of him, make him crazy about me and leave him as he deserve it. My heart doesn't think as my brain but I have to do so.

Tinushi · Jul 24, 2011, 11:55 PM

Thank you very much, I know you're right but I have to find the way and forget about him.

Tinushi · Jul 24, 2011, 11:56 PM

Help me find someone then :)
Thanks for your answer

Tinushi · Jul 25, 2011, 12:00 AM

I agree with you. You're right. In the beginning he told me that he won't feel sorry if he leaves me as he felt sorry for other girls as he thinks I will be able to find better than him. When I wanted to brake up he told me that I am used to change boyfriends so its time to leave him and that's why I didn't leave him. He did told me that I was smiling to someone else while I was smiling to him. He stopped going out in clubs with me, or having coffee somewhere where there are people that know us so we see each other only in the hotels rooms and sleep over. I think I love him the way he is but he doesn't love me the way I am.

Tinushi · Jul 25, 2011, 12:02 AM

I want to make him feel that he is losing me and there is no way to go back but I want to do this without braking up. What to say to him and what not to say when I date him.

J_9 · Jul 25, 2011, 12:04 AM

Don't play games like this. I promist you, it WILL backfire and you will lose his trust.

Unless you really want to break up, don't do something this stupid.

amicon · Jul 25, 2011, 12:50 AM

First of all,find a life where you are happy being you-love yourself first and the rest will follow.

A relationship should be a working partnership, not a must have because we feel lonely.

Tinushi · Jul 25, 2011, 11:04 AM

He is ignoring me , he didn't call me since yesterday but when I called him he wanted to know what did I do today and he pretended that he forgot when I finished working even though we've talked after my work because I called him.

Loveisblind24 · Jul 25, 2011, 01:05 PM

Don't do it . I did that with my boyfriend for a few months telling him that I would leave him and all that. It worked for a while until one day he was tired of feeling like I WOULD leave so left himself and now I regret losing him.

southamerica · Jul 25, 2011, 01:28 PM

Clearly you're having issues with your boyfriend. Instead of playing games to illicit some response from him, why don't you do things the easy way and just talk to him about how you're feeling and what's worrying you?

Tinushi · Jul 26, 2011, 11:40 AM

I used to call him more than he called me but now he doesn't turn the calls back to me. I asked him last night why he told me that' You are calling me ' and the last time I saw him he told me that he will go to a party as someone invited him because he is a good client in bank . I told him will you go with any girl he said why not maybe. I am afraid he did find someone else maybe.

amicon · Jul 26, 2011, 12:37 PM

Starting new threads isn't going to change the advice you get-back off as in leave this and move forward in your own life.

You don't need this guy.

Tinushi · Jul 26, 2011, 12:57 PM

Amicon
I don't want to loose him even that I know he is not worth it :(

BK201 · Jul 26, 2011, 01:22 PM

In your previous posts, you have said that he gets jealous when you go out with others. So, may be he is giving you the taste of it. Anyway, if not being a virgin is the reason he is going to give for not marrying you, then you cannot change it. Even if by sheer luck you get married, it will turn out to be a disaster because, he is not the type to forget it or forgive. The wound will never heal, and it will be poked to bleed forever. Move on, be strong.

hidden123 · Jul 26, 2011, 01:45 PM

Leave him alone and stop contacting him. He won't call you if you don't give him a chance to miss you. By calling him over and over you're just showing how desperate you are, which pushes him away even more and makes you more miserable by being rejected over and over. Stop setting yourself up for rejection.

If there is any chance of him calling you - you need to stop calling him first. Good luck.