[miracles]

Hi, I have had a rough few years, with several losses , death in the family, and other losses. And things have just got a whole lot tougher for me and Im in a complete state of confusion. I have just been living with my partner of 2 years for the past 6months and he has since moved out .He has had some emotional problems in his life with some difficulties adjusting to certain situations. He use to suffer depression when he was younger and now when things get hard or he feels like there's an attack made upon him in any way he shuts down, and totally detaches himself from me. Hes around in reality but refuses to look at me or work things out most times and generally shuts himself away.. usually he does it for a day or so.. anyway I've been able to cope with it and I still want to as I love him all he wants is to be left alone but sometimes in different situations I've found it difficult, including this one time. I have pushed for resolvement in an argument and now I feel I've pushed him away as he left me, though telling me he loves me, knows it's a mistake to leave and will regret it but can't stay . Upon leaving he found it very difficult, because leaving me meant moving interstate, He says he just needs to think.. he can't promise me anything but still loves me and what's to try and work things out. Though I'm in agreeance to what he says I don't feel that living apart is working it out together especially as he lives in another state... so now it will be more difficult.. we are very close and very much in love, I know his problems are deep and that he finds coping with things difficult, he's a man who has lived a sheltered life and is very shy choosing to live at home, but has since made some huge achievements being with me... and I understand him however now Im in a depressive state also. I still want to be there for him , because I believe we both need that, but I feel like I'm hanging in mid air with no where to fall. I love him so much that I want to wait around forever but I just know I won't be able too because not being with him hurts too much. Some people I know are saying don't give up, because he will have those regrets and come back to me, Im just not so sure, I want to believe that he means what he says but I can't help feeling like Im lost with it all. Its not only confusing my thoughts I'm crying on and off without him, I haven't slept well for days ,or eaten a lot. I Know its grief but usually when you lose someone you love in dying its final.. this isn't ,maybe it's a bit like when a parents child is abducted or something. I realise for me to finalise my grief I would need to give up on him and totally let go , but Im hanging onto hope now because I know how deeply he loves me and probably needs me.. like I need him... How long I can go on like this for Im not sure, its just a waiting game one that I want to win so desperately. though I know I can't continue forever without feeling this pain.. Im just wanting to find a way to cope with it and if anyone knows is there some ways to feel better while I wait... and does any one possibly understand of his condition more then I do,

[joypulv]

Your first sentence is about you. Almost all sentences following are about him. You don't tell us what your losses have been or much about yourself at all, and that indicates to me that you are putting too much of a burden and emphasis on him, what's wrong with him, what his problems are. If you can talk to someone in depth for a few weeks or months about YOU, you might be strong enough, (and he might be strong enough, working on his own), for you two to get back together.

There's nothing like two distressed people to drag each other down!
Write letters to each other. Don't use email, so that you can curl up and think and tear pages up and rewrite, and not send what you regret. Make it like a daily journal, and spring for a stamp the next day. If he will do the same, all the better. I know this is trite, but it's true: you can't be happy with someone if you don't have some measure of contentment with yourself.