[mj808]

Wow. This guy has no respect for women. Of course he wants to keep seeing you. A girl friend and a side piece is a dream situation for a lot of guys. Stick to your guns and don't be the other woman.

[talaniman]

He will be back if things don't work, or he gets horny, or has some free time or whatever. I can't believe you are still stuck on a mutual, No Strings Attached, Friends with Benefits, Booty call.

You can't live your life deluded by a use, and be used, sex thing. Can you? Well I guess you can!

[Cat1864]

This will probably seem harsh to you, but please read and think about what I am saying.

I could blast him for contacting you and put all the responsibility on his cheating tail (yes, he is now cheating even if he hasn't before), however, getting angry at his behavior isn't going to explain why you allow yourself to be turned into a partner in cheating.

Why did you meet with him knowing he now has a girlfriend?

You keeping asking about his actions and feelings and stating how 'confused' you are. Why have you kept yourself living in a state of confusion for two years? Why haven't you moved to a more stable place?

Through the past two years, have you been playing at having a relationship with him or have you been dating other people? What have you done to find a healthy relationship that is based on more than 'benefits'? (I'll be honest, I don't see the 'friends' part of this relationship. Seems more based on the 'benefits' which puts a different label on it.)

Let him go once and for all. If he calls again, so what? Don't be there. Be out finding yourself and what you really want in a relationship. Find someone who wants the entire you instead of a part. Find someone who you want to be with and build a real relationship together.

You might start by building that relationship with yourself. If you are secure in who you are and what you want in a relationship, you won't care about him and what he does or who he respects and doesn't because you will respect yourself.

[sadagain]

I already asked this question,but I think I need to go into a little more detail. I have been seeing fwb for 2 years on and off. Every time he would just meet or talk to another girl that he liked and thought he could have a chance with her, he would tell me that he was busy and tell me about the other girl and we would have no contact because he wanted to see what happens with her,so he would not see me or would we talk. Just vanished. So after weeks or months he would contact me again and see each other. This same thing happened several times. Well, I couldn't help my feelings and fell in love with him. He knew how I felt about him. So this past time he was away for 2 weeks and I had talked to him a couple days before he left and were hoping to see each other, but when he came back I contacted him to see if he was back and he was. He talked about seeing me soon. Next morning he contacted me to say he got a girlfriend, but wanted to see me one last time. What I'm so confused over is that it's not his usual pattern. Why would he see me when he has a girlfriend but not when there was just the thought of someone else. I'm thinking maybe he lied to to end it for some reason. Please give me some insight. Had I not fallen for him this would not bother me at all. Thanks. By the way when I talked to him after vacation he was only back for a handful of days.

[Cat1864]

I have asked that this thread be merged with your existing one. https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ht-415072.html

You don't have to start a new thread to add more information. Actually, starting a new thread adds more confusion than it clears up.

Let's get everything in one place and then we can figure out what advice you need. :)

Thank you.

{Threads Merged}

[ScottGem]

I already asked this question,but i think i need to go into a little more detail.

I've merged the thread, noting this has been going on for almost TWO years. We appreciate you coming back to us for more help, but it appears this was not the first time you started a new thread over this issue. So I'm not going to instruct you not to do it again. If you scroll down you will see a Quick Answer box and other Answer options. Please use those to add more to this thread. If you need to find your post, use the My Questions link.

[talaniman]

I have been seeing FWB for 2 years on and off. Every time he would just meet or talk to another girl that he liked and thought he could have a chance with her, he would tell me that he was busy and tell me about the other girl and we would have no contact because he wanted to see what happens with her,so he would not see me or would we talk. Just vanished.

Maybe he has friends with benefits you don't know about, or he has FWB he likes more. The whole FWB thing you have is unbalanced, and unequal, and for you... unhealthy. Yet you accept it because you have a false hope that it will grow into more. That's right, you yearning for more has always given you false hope, and you have severely compromised your own objectivity, and emotional health, by continuing to accept this FWB, as a healthy relationship. ITS NOT!!

But it has stopped you from healing, and regrouping, and having a happy healthy life of your own without him.

So after weeks or months he would contact me again and see each other. This same thing happened several times.

That's the pattern of this unhealthy relationship. He always circles back when its your turn.

Well, I couldn't help my feelings and fell in love with him.

We all are human and can't help the feelings we have. But we darn sure can help what we do about them, and the decisions we make to cope with those feelings. What you thought that FWB was going to be just a hobby, a distraction from the boredom of life, free sex, and companionship with no strings attached?? Well it started that way, but you screwed FWB up, when you started to have those LOVE feelings. Now you have to deal with them, and the actions you take because of them.

He knew how I felt about him.

So what? What was he supposed to do about YOUR feelings? The agreement was FWB, and despite your growing love feelings, what was he supposed to do. Why didn't you seek to change the agreement, and if it didn't just leave the whole FWB, the friendship, and the benefits?

So this past time he was away for 2 weeks and I had talked to him a couple days before he left and were hoping to see each other, but when he came back I contacted him to see if he was back and he was. He talked about seeing me soon. Next morning he contacted me to say he got a girlfriend, but wanted to see me one last time.

This was good bye, no more FWB, at least not while he is busy with his g/f.

What I'm so confused over is that it's not his usual pattern.

Because THIS girl changes his pattern, and thinking and he intends for things to be different. He is leaving the FWB, permanently, its over, no more. Having a hard time accepting its over finally is shocking, and confusing.

Why would he see me when he has a girlfriend but not when there was just the thought of someone else. I'm thinking maybe he lied to to end it for some reason. Please give me some insight.

His priorities changed, the feelings have changed, his intentions have changed, his actions have changed. You are right, whether he lied or not the results are the same. HE ENDED IT!!

Had I not fallen for him this would not bother me at all. Thanks. By the way when I talked to him after vacation he was only back for a handful of days.

Once the emotional dust has settled for you, and the shock has worn off. You mourn your loss, and let the healing process work its magic, as you finally build a happy life with him not being a part of it. You like all the rest of us humans, have to deal with those feelings of loss, and change so we can move on to the next phase of our lives. And you will but it takes time, and plenty of it.