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piscesgirl82 · Jun 3, 2009, 11:01 AM

My boyfriend of only four months has been sending inapropriate text messages to other women. Although I only read one extremely inapropriate text that said"I've been daydreaming about that cowgirl outfit". He says the girl was an old fling, he saw here and she showed him pictures she took in Vegas and she had on a cowgirl outfit in it. He admits he was wrong and swears he had no intention on acting on it. The next text was from a girl he "used" to be interested in. she lives in another state but came into town and they supposedly only had lunch together. I want to believe him but I had to go through his phone and drag it out of him just to get the truth. When I asked him what he had done that day he named everything except having lunch with her. When I kept probing him he blurted out "I didnt have sex". I was like I didn't say anything about sex. I just want to know if I should give him a second chance? Was that outburst him telling on himself? HELP PLEASE!! :(

DrJ · Jun 3, 2009, 11:04 AM

He's not being honest with you. If he has nothing to hide, he would hide nothing.

Honesty and Trust are #1 in my book for relationships and it seems that has already been broken.

Find yourself a real man.

piscesgirl82 · Jun 3, 2009, 11:42 AM

Originally Posted by DrJizzle

He's not being honest with you. If he has nothing to hide, he would hide nothing.

Honesty and Trust are #1 in my book for relationships and it seems that has already been broken.

Find yourself a real man.

From a mans point of view... do you think he had sex with her based on his outburst?

DrJ · Jun 3, 2009, 11:56 AM

It is almost impossible to say based on such limited information.

My gut feeling would be that he knows that whatever he did do was wrong. It could just be that he was sneaking around without wanting you to find out... it could be that he was flirting with her with the intention of doing something... or it could be that they kissed/fooled around but didn't have sex. So in his mind, he blurted out that they Didn't have sex because that was his only defense, since he knows that he did SOMETHING wrong... just not that.

88sunflower · Jun 3, 2009, 12:02 PM

Well my first question would be why is he having these kinds of relations with these women from his past when he has you as his girlfriend. Where is his loyalty? Hmmm... then doing it secretly?

mudweiser · Jun 4, 2009, 05:02 PM

He only admits to what you saw. Why admit to something you can't prove? That's just my thoughts on that.

Has he always had this "shady" behavior? What happened in his last relationship, do you know why his previous relationships ended? Chances are if there is a pattern, your just the next hit.

Four months is very little time in a relationship, it's still the beginning. To have problems come this soon is a red flag. I suggest backing up before you get even deeper.

If I were you, I would drop him so fast that he'd get a concussion.

Sarah

musicianguybrum · Jun 4, 2009, 05:22 PM

Its in your hands, talk to him, and offer him the chance to be 100% honest about it all, if he doesn't, then you need to make a decision, but if he does, be prepared for the worst.

He hasn't been honest, but he has made a mistake...

Act on the famous female intuition!

Fr_Chuck · Jun 4, 2009, 05:25 PM

He is sending the texts, if he was a loyal boyfriend he would not even be doing that.

He crossed the line when he even thought about sending the text, he jumped two or three lines when he sent even one.

jmjoseph · Jun 4, 2009, 05:37 PM

You obviously don't trust this guy already , looking through his phone. Has HE done this to you? Or have you always felt the need to investigate , just in case? Either way, this guy has broken the rules, and probably will again. He should be "daydreaming" about YOU. Find someone who will respect you , and not turn you into Nancy Drew. Life is simply too short for all that. Good luck and GOD bless.

liz28 · Jun 4, 2009, 06:03 PM

Why continue to be someone that you don't trust and continue to break the trust over and over?

You have to play inspector gadget by contently going through his phone just to see what he been up to. Luckily he isn't smart enough to delete the texts so maybe he wants to get caught or he just isn't that bright.

Leave if you want to be at peace or stay if you don't but the truth of the matter is he won't change and only a polygraph test can determine the truth but his defensive reactions speak volumes.

Gemini54 · Jun 4, 2009, 06:38 PM

Look, it's only been 4 months, and you don't know him well at all.

This is a red flag because it really indicates he's still 'playing' and on the market for some external stimulation - whatever the type!

It's not the outburst you should be worrying about - it's the fact that you had to trawl through his mobile to find the texts which he wouldn't admit to, and the fact that he's sharing these texts with other women.

As Liz says, do you really want to have to be worrying about what he's doing when you're not there?

I'd suggest he's not suitable BF material, not if you're looking for something serious.

talaniman · Jun 4, 2009, 07:29 PM

What are you still doing with someone you don't trust, and have the evidence of bad behavior, already staring you in the face?

Romefalls19 · Jun 5, 2009, 05:28 AM

I smell a rat

Dump him, he's disloyal, dishonest and not a good person to be in a relationship with.

susangpyp · Jun 5, 2009, 05:52 AM

You have to decide what your standards are and what is acceptable and unacceptable.

For me, I would be gone quicker than quick.

Life is too short to play around with untrustworthy people. But plenty of people do stay in these less-than-optimal situations.

You get what you put up with. You need to decide what you're willing to put up with.