[muffin55]

Hi all,
I took 6 months off from dating, after a bad relationship with an emotionally unstable man who rushed things super fast in the beginning (wanted to see me every day, promised this and that, acted too good to be true). I actually saw a therapist and worked through many struggles. Now that I started dating, I have met a handful of people, turned a fair amount down after realizing something I wasn't comfortable with. Now I have been seeing a man, this week will be the 3rd time because I find myself wanting to spend more time with him. I have seen him once a week so far and he is much more reserved that the last unhealthy man I dated. I feel like this relationship is different and new, especially because it is going much slower and realistic than the last bad one. I find myself attracted phsyically and emotionally to this person but I am cautious of taking things too fast, so I think we have a good pace going. However, in the bad relationship I was in, I felt incredibly high with love all the time, from the very get go (which wasn't healthy, I know- and was because I had recently ended a 5 year long relationship where I didn't get attention, so when the unhealthy guy showered me with it I ate it right up). Is it normal to not be 100% 24/7 super giddy when getting to know someone just for the first few dates? Or should I be having those feelings? The way I see it, I am still getting to know his personality traits, and if I continue to enjoy being around him, I'm guessing my feelings will continue to grow even more. Lol... it may seem I'm asking a real obvious question, but thanks for the help.

[talaniman]

Not a silly question at all as long as you enjoy getting to know him, but I think you stay balanced with other things, and other people, and activities that make you happy while you do.

Now if you are already having sex, that changes everything. You are attaching emotional feelings with physical ones, and that's confusing very fast. Lust fades, love grows. Keep it casual and friendly, until you see how it goes with a stranger. Much to learn, from a safe emotional distance.

I may be different than most because it takes me months to decide if a date can turn into more. At least 6 months, before I figured being exclusively dating could work, and we start defining what we want to do about things. But have fun until the time is right. Why not??

[artichoke]

What you're feelings is perfectly normal. You're experiencing something exciting and new and he's a breath of fresh air after the last guy! I would suggest you keep taking it slow though, so you know this man is everything you think he is. Good luck to you!