[phoenix1664]

I honestly know what you are going through when I split up with my girl friend I still wanted to see her but we decided to be friends but I don't think that was a good idea as it was so hard the best advice I can give you is to just stay away if he did it once he could do it again if he truly loved you he wouldn have dumped you in the first place move on and get on with your life.!

I hope it works out for you I really do tell us if it does good luck.

[talaniman]

100 points for venting in the right place. Congrats for making you first, not him

[Skell]

Yes I agree with Tal. You did a great thing by coming here and getting that off your chest as opposed to caving in to what must have been a massive temptation and calling him. Im glad you didn't. I think after 2 months you are still in love with him and right now you really don't need to talk to him.

Please just continue along the road you have been taking so far. It is a very wise move and I think you are going better than you probably realise.

Continue to focus on yourself and don't worry too much about what he is thinking. It is irrelevant as he isn't in your life anymore.

Well done and keep your chin up! Your doing great!!

[daisydew]

I found out on Tuesday that my ex already has a new girlfriend. Not only that, but it's someone he knew the entire year and 8 months of our relationship. He was just telling me he still loved me a month ago, and then I cut off all contact with him. Now I find out he's already in a relationship with another girl. I'm so devastated. All I've done these past two days is sleep. The worst part is that I don't even want to be with him.. so why am I so sad? I guess I felt like I deserved more than a few weeks to "get over". I'm definitely not over him yet; I'm still grieving. I don't know what to do with myself anymore.

[valinors_sorrow]

On some day, at some hour there will be this wonderful moment where you will realise that whatever happened after its over really doesn't matter because well, its over. But you are not there yet. You are still grieving and you will likely be for some time too. Floundering is a part of it but find some activities, seek out good friends, clean out closets, be easy on yourself, exercise, get a facial, sleep a little more. Grief is a difficult time.

If your ex looks like he is over it, then one of two (both bad) things is occurring:

1. Either he is pretty shallow and this is all just a game to him (in whch case you're really lucky its over)

Or

2. He is trying to buy off his own grief with a rebound relationship (in which case you are lucky that's not you).

Either way, it changes nothing of your life, does it? The sooner you discipline yourself to turn your attention to anything but him, the sooner you will experience relief in the grieving process. If you don't learn to do that, then at some point you are doing it to you instead of him. Don't fall for that, Daiseydew, you're smarter than that!

[saraispiel19]

You might just be α little jeαlous... when I wαs 5, I used to hαve this doll αnd I didn't wαnt it αny more α couple dαys lαter I found out my cousin hαd it αnd when I sαw thαt she did I got mαd & took it bαck then threw it underneαth the porch.. not quiet the sαme situαtion but sαme reαctions. You'll get over it especiαlly over α stupid guy who led you on. Sounds like α totαl loser.

[Teaching]

Take it a day at a time and allow yourself to feel that grief and loss. Always remember that you are a special person and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. I know it is shocking and there aren't enough words to help you through this. I think time is the best healer for loss. My thoughts are with you.

[Skell]

Everything Val said is so spot on.

I will only add that although it is very hard try not to focus on what he is doing and feeling. You can't control that. But what you can have control over is what you are doing to make yourself feel better. It won't make the pain go away completely, only time will do that, but doing things such as val suggested will at least help take your mind off him even if it is for a minute or two.

But just realise that him being with someone else now is in no way an indication of you, more an indication of some massive faults with him and frankly one day you will realise that this was all for the best. Until then, grieve away and treat yourself kindly!

[ForeverZero]

Don't let it get to you, my ex did the same thing after 2 years. She's just the sponge he's using to clean up the mess. Let it run its course, I'll be over within a few months.

[daisydew]

Thank you for all the great advice. I finally got up today and went out with some friends and I'm starting to feel better. You're right, this is one his huge flaws. I should have known it was going to happen. He met me just 1 week after he got out of a relationship. I guess it just hurts that he even feels capable of being with another girl... I can't even THINK about being with another guy for a longgg time.

Anyway, it always helps coming here and knowing that people feel the same way and that I'm not crazy. Thank you!

[valinors_sorrow]

Thank you for all the great advice. I finally got up today and went out with some friends and I'm starting to feel better. You're right, this is one his huge flaws. I should have known it was going to happen. He met me just 1 week after he got out of a relationship. I guess it just hurts that he even feels capable of being with another girl...I can't even THINK about being with another guy for a longgg time.

Anyways, it always helps coming here and knowing that people feel the same way and that I'm not crazy. Thank you!

I know this is way too soon to even think about but next time, if you meet someone who is like that, you'll know what a red flag one week single is and what to do with it -- either stall bigtime or walk away. And listen to how he talks about his ex - lots of clues there too. This is how any of us gain what wisdom we have. There is no dress rehearsal in life. Good to hear you are up, out and being good to YOU! :)

[kaitou]

I'm going through the same thing. My ex told me that he almost potentially gotten together with someone else 3 weeks after our break up, but decided against it just because he wasn't ready for a relationship yet. It still hurts, because he completely move on. I thought it'll take him longer to move on. Even though we weren't together for long, I thought we had a great connection. But now I don't know. He's changed so much, he treat me so different. It's like he's a complete different person.

What happened to the warm loving guy? Now he's just being an a$$. I really don't want to hate him, even if everything ended I wanted to have a good memory of him.

[talaniman]

We never know what is ahead, but we do know where we came from and what we are doing now, so dry those eyes and get ready for what is to come.

[daisydew]

I'm not sure what's going on with me anymore. I wake up feeling so sad everyday. I have no motivation to get out of my bed, and I've been missing a lot of school. I thought I was doing so much better. I was in empowerment mode like "I can do better!" "I don't need him!" "His new girlfriend isn't cute anyway!" Lately though, I've just been missing him so much. I don't feel like I can do better. I want him back. I miss him more than anything. I feel like he is the only person in the world who REALLY understands me. He brought out so much in me that I loved. I guess I just feel really really hopeless. I feel like I have nothing to look forward to because I was looking forward to my life with him.

It devastates me that he is so happy right now. From what I hear he's extremely happy with his new girlfriend. I feel like he never even thinks about me, and why would he if he is so happy with his new girl. I'm so hurt that he told me all these things about how he thought I was his soul mate. He wanted to be with me forever. I feel like I just can't go on anymore and I'm starting to worry about myself.

How long does it take to really be over someone? I don't feel like I'm ever going to be over him.

[blueshadow_393]

It sounds like you really love him. In that case it could be a while before you get over him, I'm sorry. Don't worry, you WILL find someone else, and you will be surprised on how much more you love them, its hard to believe now but its true.

What I would do though is stay busy, if your busy enough then you won't have time to think about it, giving yourself some time to heal and such.

It will get better, don't do anything drastic. If you ever do have thoughts of suicide then I extremely advise you to go see a counseler, just for a while, it will be good for you and it will help you work things out in your head and it will help you move on.

You don't need him to survive. Remember no situation is as good or bad as it seems, you think you have it really bad, but its not all that bad. You think he has it really good, but its not all that good. You'll be fine.

Good luck to you

[Allheart]

Hi Daisydew,

It is very normal to have down days like today. In fact I would be more concerned if a breakup didn't effect someone and make them very sad. It's part of the realization of the things that you just said. Realizing that he is not the one nor is he going to be the one. This is all part of the post break-up grieving process. Recognize it for just that. Give yourself a lit bit of time to grieve, but then pull those boot straps up with all your might and pick one new activity to throw yourself into. Even if its just a new book to read. Start slow and don't put too much pressure on yourself to be miraclulously pain free. Believe it or not, you are one day closer to healing.

I am so sorry your are sad and are in pain, but I am so looking forward to when you pop in here and say, Hey, today was a better day. I promise you, that day will come, where you heart feels a little lighter.

Now go and purchase a book or go to the library and lose yourself in the story. Give your mind and heart a rest.

My very best to you :)

[kaitou]

aww daisy *hugs*

I know it's hard honey, but you got to keep trying. Put on the right mindset! Re-read your open letter to your ex, he didn't sound so good there. With time and action, you'll be able to move on and find someone better. No matter how bad things may seem now, it'll get better. There will always be something positive and worthwhile waiting for you, somewhere that you're not looking.

I found this picture on a website a year ago, and thought it was beautiful. I think this image describe many of us here. Many of us are left sad and broken by the person we love and care about. We've pour our heart out only to be abandoned. But what makes this picture beautiful is not the sorrow of being abandoned, is the fact that someone notice the abandoned "Love you" sign on a busy street. Isn't that such an uplifting thought? That a random stranger would notice it. It's like a message telling you that, you may be left alone now, but one day someone would notice you, and you'll no longer be alone. So turn that frown upside down!!

[shygrneyzs]

Hi Daisy,

As everyone told you, thiese are normal feelings after a breakup. However, it seems like you are experiencing some situational depression that can be addressed by your doctor. I went through that when I separated from my husband and did not even realize what was going on until one of my friends said something was wrong with me, that I was not "myself". She was right, I was not "myself". My doctor prescribed a mild anti depressant and it really did help me. It was like the brain fog lifted and I could start seeing things more clearly. Not saying that this is exactly what is happening with you, but I wanted to share it, to ask you to see your doctor and get his advice.

We all go through those times when we feel so lost and feel like we are not going to ever get back to where we were. It does pass. You will grow strong. Taking care of your physical health is so important in this time of stress. Your goal is to get back into the fullness of life. If you find you cannot get over this boyfriend, I hope you find some trsuted person to go and talk to - whether it is a counselor, a doctor, or a pastor, etc. But someone who can help you sort through your feelings and help you go through the skills you need to get back on your feet.

Wishing you the very best.

[daisydew]

I've been speaking to a counselor, and she's been helpful. I guess I have had a few days. I just miss him so much. I wanted my life to be with him, and now it's not going to end up that way. How long did it take you all to get over your exes?

[shygrneyzs]

Well, in the scope of life - not long at all. A couple months and yes, it still hurts but it gets better. Once you realize that getting yourself healthy is more important than any man couuld be.