Biggest mistake of my life
Hi everyone,
I've been reading through the responses in here, and you all seem like really great people. I haven't found resolution to my situation so I'm hoping your insight could help me.
My boyfriend of a year a half finally called it quits with me. We met only a week after I called quits with my first boyfriend of 3 years. He really helped me get over that relationship, so I feel like this is my first real heartbreak. This man was so amazing to me. I left for college only 2 months after we met, and he stayed in a long distance relationship with me through that. We saw each other every weekend. Anyway, he treated me perfect in everyway.. except he was a little more flirtatious with other girls than I would have liked. I had only been with one guy before him, but he had been with quite a few girls. That was something that always bothered me, and I really gave him a hard time about it. It got to the point where I tried to break up with him a few times because I thought I needed to experience more people before I was with him. I started to realize that the number of people you're with doesn't really matter, so I started getting better about all that stuff. I had worn him down too much though, and finally he told me he needed space. So, as of 1 month ago, we have been "broken up." He said he still wants to talk to me because he might want to get back together eventually. He said he "wants me, but feels like he can't be with me." He's afraid I'm going to make him feel like a bad person again. We've hung out about 5 times in the past month, and when we do he treats me like his girlfriend. I feel like I'm always the one calling to hang out though. I have great friends, but they don't fill the space in my life that he has left. Him and I connected on such a high level. Sometimes it makes me more sad to hang out with my friends because it makes me realize how special him and I were.
Basically, I don't know what to do. I haven't called for 3 days now, and of course he hasn't called me. We were thinking about getting together this weekend, but when I'm the one always calling I feel like I'm forcing myself onto him. I mean, if he wanted to hang out, he'd call me. Whenever we talk he makes it sound like we have a future together, but it really just kills me inside. I feel like crying every time I see him, knowing that I can't have him anymore. I feel like I had everything I want, and I pushed him away. I feel like there is no one better than him out there for me because he had everything I wanted. Some of my friends say he's trying to keep me on the side in case he doesn't meet another girl. I don't really know what he is doing. I've seen a lot of things on here about having no contact. I've tried to be really strong about that, but it's so hard. It's been three days since we haven't talked and that's been almost impossible for me. In fact, I called him today from a blocked number but he didn't answer.
Sorry this is so long, I just don't know what to do. I cry everyday, and I just want to be better. Thank you for any help.