[babydoll365]

ok so i was with my girfriend for 2 1/2 years. we wre what most people considered the happiest couple ever. we recently broke up back in late october of 2006. i was shocked when she broke up with me and went through depresion sadness didnt eat, lost weight all that. its been almost 4 months and i have the gardest time dealing with it still. we talk here andther ebut tis mostly my initaiting the calls texts emails etc. she tells me she needs space from me which i feel is ttoal bull. but says space will bring her back. is that true? i have tried and most days can't go a day without feeling some neeed to contact her. when we do talk she makes all these promises of coming back and if i get a little stern she will cry and say she wants all that and is confused. however, ther eis some other guy involvee in the picture...pretty much immediately after we broke up. over christmas she said she had clarity of us and was goign to fix us. well that came and went and here we are. today was icing on the cake... her grandma is in the hospital and i just always thoguth after all we been through she would wnat to coem tome for support? so i touched on that how i wnat to be there for her and then we ended up arguing and i said you are never going to coem back and i keep trying and nothing work...so ill stoip trying i know you dotn wnat me back...she screams out yes i do. then text me i care about you so much sweet heart. then i get home i have an emai, from her explaining her terrible day then she tells me she will call me tomorrow. i texted not to bother because you dont treat people you claim you are still in love with liek this?? well erlier i had asked her to dinner and she said oh not tonight im tired just wnat to go home...but all along its because she refuses to tell me this ahole is coming over? so during this time why does she repeatedly tell me she wants me back and does nothing about it.....and ...is it possible she wnats to come back but just not rready...and should i take her back...even though, i relly want her back!! what the hell should i do??
tjheres way more to it, but thats it in a very big nutshell

It's up to you to make a decision and either still go for her or just give her up. She seems to be really confused about her love life right now. Try and give it some more time. If she decides to have you back then she'll come to you. She already seems that she doesn't want you out of her life. She just wants some space right now so that she can think. Hope all ends up well.

[Forever21]

I honestly feel as if all she is doing is stringing you along, she wants you around just in case things don't go well with the other she has you to go to and by the looks of it you will be there with open arms. She is playing you and your to blinded to see. If she really cared about you she would have explained why it is that she needs the space and she would have also of told you about the other. You sound like a really nice guy don't waste your charms on someone who is taking it for granted. Move on it will be hard but you don't want to be with someone who is going to play with your heart you need to learn how to suck it in and not show your vulnerable so much when a girl is not interested but you are they will use that to there advantage take care and I wish you the best you deserve to be happy therefor be.

[Skell]

Your driving this women away with your clingyness. Man she asks for space and you call her everyday? Space huh??

Anyway, not that I think it matters because it appears that she is gone but is just having trouble doing the dirty work of actually letting you go completely. Probably because she feels guilty. It is unfair of her but you aren't making things easy with this constant contact and demands your placing on her to come back to you.

She has another guy. Are you happy to play second fiddle to him? When she's done with him you want her to come running back to your accepting arms?

You sound a little selfish as well. Her grandma is in hospital and your ringing her and abusing her because she isn't treating you right and because she doesn't want you with her at this time. How selfish can you get. Do you think she wants your tantrums while her grandmother is sick??

Grow up please and accept that she has asked for space. Whether it is the mature thing of her to do or not is not in question. But you need to back off and work on your own issues for a while. It sounds as though you have probably pushed her to this position with your demanding ways!

Good luck!

[talaniman]

Leave her alone and I mean completely alone as this thing you think is love has deteriorated into something so gross that you no longer respect yourself, and ain't enough love in the world worth losing your soul over. She has moved on so should you.

[Teaching]

Someone once told me "always give people what they want". As hard as it is, this gift has helped me heal.

[LoveJones]

Well it has been almost 4 months. Things at the end were good with occasional fighting, tyoical couple stuff. When she broke up with me she said I was always going to be the man she loves. And that turned into a solid month of depression and heart break. We stayed in touch over thanksgiving and christmas. Since then she said she had clarity about this after talking to her mom and realised I'm the man she wants and would fix this but needed space. Well me being a dumbass called her every day asking how can we get back togther? I will send her a text at least once a day asking how she is or sayign sorry I pushed you away... she will respond you have not pushed me away. And then told me when she's not tlkign to me she's thinking of me and when she doesn't hear from me she wants to know what I'm doing but then will say I dotn want to be with you not right now. She says this will ake our love stronger? How can you need space when she has some other in the picture clouding her up. She had been askign me to move out of my parents and into my own place and go back to school. She's 26 I'm 29. Well sinc eour brakup I moved out went back to schooll. The guy she's seeing is 23 lives at home and is about 25 minutes away. Me and her live about 3 minutes away. How is that better? I understand when you like someone you do whatever. But come on? Anyway we had talked about marriage a lot so I don't know how we went form good to bad? I have tried to get her back so many times and nothing works. And it so hard to give her space because I miss all the time how we were and I feel if I dotn call/text/email or hear from her, my would is fallign apart. Most of the day I spend thinking about her, and I feel pathetic ovver it. Anyway she says she will come back in time but needs space for us to heal and see what happens in the future. She said with all the things she has told me in text and email and fone has NEVER been a lie, but I need to give her space so she can make it work again? I tod her well the more time you spoend with someone new the more you might realize she may not want to coem back? I guess that's why I feel compelled to still stay in touch and tell her nice things? I live in MI ad have thought about movign back to FL where I'm from. I thought bmaybe something drastic will mke her change her mond... like holy he left me. I know right now she has 2 guys fighting for her mainly me because ei want to be back, but I'm wondering if I did move wpould she be miserable knowing her "doormat" is no longer around. The thing is I know she knows she has the upper hand, how do I gte that power back. I'm alwas the one to innitiate contact. How do I make her want me again??
Please help!! :( :confused:

[shygrneyzs]

Okay, here goes. You are the puppy dog trying to catch that bone dangling on a string and your girlfriend is the one holding the string. Not much fun is it? No, it stinks, cause you never ever going to get that bone. She is manipulating you, twisting her own words to confuse you and it is working isn't it? Look at what she says - to tell you she needs her space and then out of the other side of her mouth tells you she thinks of you and wonders what you are doing when you are not talking to her. Wake up! She wants it all and right now she has it. She can dangle you while trying to find out about these other two guys. If neither one of them work out, she will still have you hanging around waiting for the crumbs from her plate. Wake up!

1. DO NOT text her daily, weekly, or even monthly. Stop the text messaging NOW.
2. DO NOT call her. Period.
3. Stay in school and get your degree and get ahead in your own life. Do it for yourself, not her. Do it to ensure your own future, not something imaginary with this girl.
4. Stay away from her in as many situations as you possibly can. If you are friends with others who know her, explain to them that you cannot attend if she is there and tell them why. You are being played by this girl. You do not need more reminders of it.
5. Get involved in other parts of life away from this girl. You are back in school, that is wonderful. Find things there that can interest you. Get out in the community. Find some activities to take up your time and energies, like volunteering. Start going to church and meet people there. The more involved you are in life, the less you will dwell on this girl.

You will meet people that will like you for you. People who will respect you and that who you can respect. Learning that a healthy relationship has certain qualities that you certainly deserve to experience. If you feel so down in the dumps still, seek a counselor to talk things over with. If you are feeling down, go to your doctor. Maybe you are experiencing some depression.

There is so much out there worth living for but this girl is not one of them. You really do not need her to drag you down and keep you there. Life is too short to be that sad and worried and stressed.

Wishing you the very best and good luck.

[Ash123]

SHYGRNEYZS nailed it. Our hormones RAGE when we are in love and they go NUCLEAR when we are in a break-up. And... when we are under 30, it's DOUBLE NUCLEAR. In other words, it takes time to realize this, but the more you date you'll see: when a woman breaks up she expects a man to follow. It's biological. When we resist, we are taking back the control you so wish for. THAT is the control you want. Unfortunately, you gave up a lot of control in your texts and calls. Only do that if she wants to be with you but wants the relationshop validated. I.e. "I don't want to date you b/c I think you are a player..." OR "I need some space because I am not sure you really want one girl..." And even then it's risky. A 20 something woman wants to know you have more going on than her. And you will if you go back to school. Then you will meet a person you really should be texting. Your ex GF is causing you pain, but she also did you a favor. She's forcing you to evaluate your life. And that is how we escape mediocrity and attract women that we SHOULD marry. Hope that helps. Her number is old news. Buy a calendar and mark off the days with 1-2 word adjectives for how you feel. 90 days MAX you will see your in a new mental place. You'll look back at the calendar and smile one day. Cheers...

[maebarr]

well it has been almost 4 months. things at the end were good with occassional fighting, tyoical couple stuff. when she broke up with me she said i was always goign to be the man she loves. and that turned into a solid month of depression and heart break. we stayed in touch over thanksgiving and christmas. sinse then she said she had clarity about this after talkign to her mom and realised im the man she wnats and would fix this but needed space. well me being a dumbass called her every day asking how can we get back togther?? i will send her a text atleast once a day asking how she is or sayign sorry i pushed you away...she will respond ytou have not pushed me away. and then told me when shes not tlkign to me she's thinking of me and when she doesnt hear from me she wants to know what im doing but then will say i dotn want to be with you not right now. she says this will ake our love stronger?? how can you need space when she has some other in the picture clouding her up. she had been askign me to move out of my parents and into my own place and go back to school. shes 26 im 29. well sinc eour brakup i moved out went back to schooll. the guy shes seeing is 23 lives at home and is about 25 mins away. me and her live about 3 mins away. how is that better? i understand when you like someone you do whatever. but come on? anyway we had talked about marriage alot so i dont know how we went form good to bad? i have tried to get her back so many times and nothing works. and it so hard to give her space because i miss all the time how we were and i feel if i dotn call/text/email or hear from her, my would is fallign apart. most of the day i spend thinking about her, and i feel pathetic ovver it. anyway she says she will come back in time but needs space for us to heal and see what happens in the future. she said with all the things she has told me in text and email and fone has NEVER been a lie, but i need to give her space so she can make it work again? i tod her well the more time you spoend with someone new the more you might realize she may not wnat to coem back? i guess thats why i feel compelled to still stay in touch and tell her nice things? i live in MI ad have thought abotu movign back to FL where im from. i thought bmaybe something drastic will mke her change her mond...like holy he left me. i know right now she has 2 guys fighting for her mainly me becaus ei wnat to be back, but im wondering if i did move wpould she be miserable knowing her "doormat" is no longer around. the thing is i knw she knows she has the upper hand, how do i gte that power back. im alwas the one to innitiate contact. how do i make her wnat me again???
please help!!!!! :( :confused:

I wouldn't make the drastic move back to Florida, but you should stop all contact with her, it will be hard but, must be done. This is the only way to find out if she cares about you. When she stops hearing from you she will begin to wonder what you are up to, and if she loves you she will contact you in fear that you have moved on without her. Don't even let her see you, and don't go around anyone that can report back to her about your whereabouts. This will work. One way or the other, but you have to be strong and do it.

[wap]

I know what you are going through. You really need to try for yourself though, you are the only person who can get you through this. Friends and family can help, but it has to be you that decides to move on, and try to take positive things from this situation. I know it doesn't seem that way now.

I keep myself as busy as possible, try to do that, it does help. Even if it helps you for a wee while, then it is worth it. I had to take my ex's no out of my phone. Do this if it helps. Hopefully you don't know the number off by heart. This will stop you getting tempted, it worked for me. The more days go by without contact the better you feel. Each time you contact an ex it is like torture, I know. I got so upset at the cold way he was being. You are better off staying clear, give her space. Although this seems not like the natural thing to so, it is the right thing to do. : )

[talaniman]

What is it going to take for you to realise you must have no contact with her at all and be so unavailable that she can't find you, and to finish school for your future. Stop acting like a lovesick puppy and leave this liar alone. Better yet why are you even listening to the lies of a player who has you and others to file behind her like a harem. The power to have a good life is right there in front of you and from the advice given in this and the other three posts you have made, the solution to your problems have been spelled out and before you post another whining, crying, woe is me post, please get off your butt and do something positive for yourself.

[Nohitter410]

You are allowing yourself to be played so to speak. On one hand she does need the time to figure it out and maybe she does want to marry you, but she seems to be looking elsewhere right now to make sure you are the one. And maybe she does plan on marrying you but she knows she can wait as long as she wants and you will just be sitting there waiting for her.

And I don't understand why money should play any other factor then providing for a family. It seems you use that as a ploy and a quality that describes you and as to why a woman like her would want you. Not saying that is all you have to offer but you brought that up in a question that really was only about why is she wishy washy and not exactly sure how you being in a little money would have an effect on her feelings.

I would say take it slow she doesn't know what she wants yet and maybe playing the field. You have made enough attempts and even while broken up you did something for her on v-day, not sure why. Let her make the next move. Go away for awhile and let her be and be busy and find something to fill up your time. THen her come back if that is exactly what I want.

[Ash123]

I would go back to your original post titled:"heartbroken.STILL.would love a womans thought on this?"
might see some good advice there too..
this woman has you spinning so bad you forgot it all.
deep breath. Same rules apply:

as for now, I've put some things in rhyming form - to perhaps aid in the retention potential:

quick attempts at post-break up communication=detonation.

go away=it's the only way

love will last - lust will pass.

get that calendar right away.
let the days go.
and know that relief is on the way.

the answers are here.
can you believe it?
even if there is a lot to fear...

[LoveJones]

well some of you know my story. been broken up for 4 months now...dated for 2 years. she started seeing soem ohter guy all the while telling me she needs space and will come back when shes ready.......we have been talking here and there so i mention that she just dump him and go back out with me, and she tells me "well i can't just do it over night " she tells me to give her space no contact all the bull....the minute i do...shes texting me wonderign what im doing and everythign else. there was a guy in the picture a week after she dumped me but the whole time if i dont talk to her for 3 days she always finds a way to get ahold of me to wonder what im doing?? why?????? then she sends me this email the other day.....

To my beautiful (my name was here)

Happy 2 years and four months Kevin Michael,

I hate this pain in my throat and in my heart right now, I am sorry that I am that selfish that I call you like that, I miss you I miss your voice and god everything. I miss the feeling of security I miss the feeling I had one summerish morning when we ate fruit on my porch, when you were getting ready to drive away we stood by your white truck and I never wanted to let you go and I told you I loved you and felt it through my whole entire body, I have never felt that way before I doubt I ever will again.

I love our CD in fact I listened to Feels like Home on the way to work yesterday. I hated fighting with you last night Kevin I really did. I never liked going to bed angry or sad, and I never really did babe, so that was why I called back I wanted to fix whatever I could.

I know I confuse you and I could be more sorry for that, you wrote in here that if you don't here form me in a few weeks you will know your answer... well if you don't here from me in a few weeks please know that it is killing me, I know this doesn't make sense but it is like the time that I spend away from you makes me realize everything I am missing, I hate that I temporaily drifted and I hate that there is this road block up right now preventing me from being with you, and I hate even more that there is a fight between my head and my heart. Why is this so hard for me, why do I think about us and it brings me to tears, why can I not even look at you without want to cry and smile and just burst with every emotion imaginable. When Kelli and I went shopping on Monday we were listening to the radio and feels like home came on then about 10 min later we turn on a mixed CD and angel eyes is playing, everything takes me back to you, to us, but why does something in me fight it Kevin. What the hell am I fighting here?

More than anything, I hate how unfair I am being toward you, I hate that you were there last night If I would have know I would have come there. I want you to be happy whether you are with me or not I want you to be happy. I know that when we work again you will not throw this in my face and we will start fresh, I know that because we can be that strong. I LOVE YOU MORE THAN YOU COULD POSSIBLY KNOW THEN AND NOW. I will never forgive myself and I will live with this regret until one day my head and heart collide and (if I am lucky enough) you open your arms back to me. I am sorry. I want things to just be easy again, and just make sense.

I love you Baby always and forever, (her name was here)

[s_cianci]

She obviously is very confused and doesn't know what she really wants, if she even wants anything to begin with. I wouldn't get my hopes up about this one. She doesn't sound like very viable relationship material. I'd forget about her and move on. Otherwise you're only going to end up getting hurt even more than you've already been.

[LBP]

Sounds like she's setting herself up to not take responsibility for her actions... I'd get away, unless she can give you something concrete.

[origins13]

She sounds very like my ex boyfriend who broke up with me few months ago. She sounds very selfish. Probably she still has feelings for you, but she obviously doesn't care for you enough to consider your feelings.

She's in a confusing stage now and it's best to stay out of contact with her, otherwise you would only get a bunch of false hopes and eventually get hurt further.

[tinsign]

Don't you just hate mind games? It is so obvious she is playing on your emotions now.

She wants you to just sit and be depressed while waiting for a word from her.. omg reading this I thought lady from one to another you are so full of crap.

This lady is a major DRAMA QUEEN, expecting you to just to just sit and rot for 3 weeks.

Mail her for the last time and just say guess what forget the 3 weeks it's over, go find some fool of a guy to buy this crap it won't be me.

[maxim]

Back off and give her "her space" Like an old saying goes... " if you love something let it go...it will come back to you if it was meant to be." ( hopefully it won't be just for your inheritance).

[SAB123]

Excellent post Chuff maybe if I had a site like this and someone like you telling me this 4 years ago I wouldn't be hear now. This is almost the same thing I'm going through now but I'm 34. Reading this sound just like my ex and yes she played mind games with me because she new I would be waiting for her every time. And came back when ever she felt readt to come back to her door mat (ME). And for anyone with similier problems read this then read my original question Is my Ex fiancé coming back again because yes we were engaged, he didn't have to waste 5 years of his life, a lot of money and misery she put me threw. Because that chick sounds just like my ex.