[ImagineLove]

I am currently in a long distance relationship with a boy who I absolutely can't live with out. Its been over a year now, and until recently things were great. Of course, we'd have our ups and downs, but we'd always get through them, and just love each other even more afterward.

After not having heard ANYTHING about him for four days, he left a short MSN message saying that he was going to camp for a week. I wasn't too thrilled about the idea, since that would have been the longest we've spent apart from each other, but I can't stop him from living his life, and I don't want to. So for a week I managed to keep myself busy.

I week passes and I don't hear anything from him. I wasn't very pleased, but I didn't think too much of it since I figured he was tired or busy unpacking and whatnot. The days roll by and I still hear absolutely nothing from him. Obviously, I am extremely worried that something may have happened, so I finally decide to give him a call almost a week later. He picks up the phone, says that he's fine and hangs up. Later on he leaves an MSN message saying that he apologizes for not having said anything, and that he's just been doing some thinking since the camp that he went to was a christian camp, which I was unaware of.

At that point I was raging with anger. I understand if he needs some alone time, but what could he possibly be thinking about that he can't take 2 minutes of his life to let me know what's going on? He doesn't have school, he doesn't have a job, so at most he's just sitting on the couch all day. It upset me that I had to be the one to call him, sounding like some emotional reck, thinking he's been hurt or something, just to tell me he's been thinking for the past week. What if he needed months to think? Was he just going to not say anything, then come back whenever he feels like it, like nothing happened? No way. It just seemed to me like he's too absorbed in himself to even bother letting me know. And from what I believe, if he really cared, he would have said something. That's what love is. When you think about someone more than yourself. At least that's what I think. Or at least enough to be considerate of the other person. And to this day, the beginning of the third week, he still hasn't said anything.

Is he really as selfish as I think he is? Or am I just overreacting? I would very much appreciate your opinions. Thank you very much for your time.

[Shuggy123]

I am in a similar situation. But I am the guy and the girl is telling me she needs time to think... It has been nearly 3 months, she doesn't talk to me if I don't call text or chat with her first. 2 Times she has come back to me saying sorry I am not trying to hurt your feelings "I just need time and space". The same thing always happens we talk she says she feels better then does the same thing.

Honestly I would give up, and I knew it feels near impossible to do. You don't want to put your life on hold or worry about him for the next month 2 months,3 months. Just to hear some lame excuses. If he cares someday he might come back to you and at that point you have to decide yourself if you are willing to give it another chance. If he doesn't you are better off with him.

Just as you said "even bother letting me know. And from what I believe, if he really cared, he would have said something. That's what love is. When you think about someone more than yourself. At least that's what I think. Or at least enough to be considerate of the other person." I also believe this.

I may not have the best advice but I hope some of this helped. It's ultimately up to you, you know him I don't I can just give you some of my experience.

Good luck!and All the best.



I also feel I should have added, it is unreasonable (ON HIS PART!) to make someone wait in the dark. False hope is worse than the truth and not knowing is worse than both.

[BK201]

It might sound selfish on his part, but there are chances that he doesn't want to burden you(from his point) with his self absorbed or saddest moments. Question: How/Has he shared his dark moments with you, or has he just given you a gist of them in the past? Because, some guys won't want to show much of their weaker side to anyone seldom keep it to themselves.
And you are not over-reacting either. Its perfectly OK for you to get mad, as a girlfriend who would want to be kept in the dark? Of course you would want him to share these things with you. And yeah he could have taken a few minutes to tell you what's going on.
May be, how about telling him that you are worried about him, you are letting him take his time but tell you what exactly is going on. Don't leave him take his time without giving you a proper reason.

[talaniman]

I would disappear from the life of someone that rather think than share his thoughts after a year together.

[ImagineLove]

Thank you very much for your advice, Shuggy. It's a shame this has happened to you, but its always nice having someone with experience telling you their story and knowing that you aren't alone. Its so hard to think about, because he is my light and without him things just don't seem as wonderful anymore. But at the same time I don't want to be stuck in a fruitless relationship, absolutely miserable for the rest of my life. That's more stress than I need right now. But thank you, and good luck to you as well, friend. :)

[Fr_Chuck]

For someone that you can not "live without" I would ask, how often have you ever meet in real life, ( if ever)

What are your ages ?

[ImagineLove]

Well first of, that's the thing. I don't necissarily think he's sad, he just said he has a lot on his plate that he needs to sort out. But to answer your question, yes, he has. That's one of the qualities I loved most about him. We were always very open with each other and, as hard as it is was to get things out, we would share everything. I admit, he isn't the most enthusiastic about sharing his feelings, and there are times I think he hasn't told me everything, but as far as I know he doesn't hide from me. Which is what makes this so hard. I don't mind giving him time, I just want to understand him. But he won't even bother talking to me to explain. I just feel ignored and unloved, and if these weeks turns into months, I don't know what I'd do. But I do also see the side you brought up on his part, and it's that that keeps me attached to him. Hoping, that when he's ready, he will talk to me.

[ImagineLove]

We were going to meet for the first time this coming winter. He is 17 and I'm 19.

[Shuggy123]

Trust me you don't want to end up waiting months it destroys you inside. The only other tip I can give you is, if he does come back to you. He needs to prove to you he really does care for you, don't except anything less than you are comfortable with.

[talaniman]

RED FLAGS EVERYWHERE!!!!

You can't live without a guy you never met!? Look you aren't even good online buddies, or text partners, or anything.

Not promising at all. I think you have been dumped! Sorry!