Check out some similar questions!

TheBrownLady · Jun 19, 2011, 11:35 AM

I have been with my current SO for about seven years now, though we've known each other for almost thirteen years. We were kind of together before these past seven years, but that's another story. Anyway, we have two kids together, and he is a good father to both.

The problem is, that I am not in love with him. I was the one who initiated this current relationship, believing that I would eventually fall madly in love with him, but that just hasn't been the case. I've tried, I really have, but I've been in love once before, and I know what I feel for him... it's not the kind of love one should have for the person with whom they plan to spend the rest of their life. It's more like that of a close friend.

In recent months, I've become increasingly restless and discontented regarding the relationship. I've voiced my opinion on this several times, but nothing has been resolved. I've even tried to end the relationship several times, but was met with nothing but resistance, anger and guilt trips.

So, feeling trapped and largely helpless to control my own life, I made a very poor decision and cheated. I KNOW it was the wrong thing to do and I feel terrible for betraying his trust and hurting him. The question is... what do I do now? I somehow want to make amends with him, but I still don't want the relationship to continue. Not to mention the fact that the person I cheated with was my first boyfriend, the only man I've ever been genuinely in love with. I'm not sure I'm still in love with my ex. But I recognize the fact that I do feel something for him. It's that very something, that I don't feel about my current SO. He knows about the cheating now, and I don't know what he wants to do. I know he's really hurt, but I'm not convinced that he's prepared to leave me. I had thought he would but now that he hasn't, I don't know what to do.

Should I attempt to repair a relationship I really don't want for him and the sake of my kids, or do I continue to press the issue of ending the relationship. That's what I want, but I feel that by doing that, I'd only be rubbing salt in an already horrendous wound! I have no idea what I should do!

ken007nielsen · Jun 19, 2011, 11:44 AM

You spend time with people you want to spend time with, if you genuinely don't want to be with him, then you shouldn't.. However I feel I must point out that you have to make sure that it's not because you have feelings for another.

And should you choose to leave him - take the time to heal from this relationship before attempting to pursue a new one.

talaniman · Jun 19, 2011, 12:22 PM

Your mind has left the relationship, so you just have to move your body, and leave. What's so complicated about that? I just hope you heal, and get your act together before you throw yourself, and your kids into yet another product of your own doing.

That means give it a lot more thought before you jump into another relationship, with your years of baggage, you will carry for a long time to come.

SMURFIE01 · Jun 29, 2011, 02:07 AM

Okay, my mom had the same problem and as a kid I grew up in a non-affectionate family. My mom and dad were best friends but they slept in separate beds and my mom was always miserable. Later on she had an affair and my dad loved her so much, he took her back and never mentioned it. My mom stayed with him because of her kids and later she realized its just not worth it. In the end she didn't realize we knew that they weren't in-love. Don't stay there, if you know there might be someone else out there for you, why be unhappy?

If you decide to end it, get your life together before starting a new relationship. But I see it as we only get to live once and you should do everything in your power to be happy.

robwren · Oct 22, 2011, 03:02 PM

I'm the SO she's talking about. Cheaters never need reasons to cheat, it's just who they are. I Love Teraina, but I'm leaving her after reading this... and... She isn't hardly the victim here. If you spent half the amount of time with the children and I as you do on the internet and with fellow cheaters, we'd be doing GREAT! You don't have to love me slutbag... I'm leaving! I'll leave a thumbs up for this one, you don't have to Lightskinned Lady!