[Leanna7]

I'll try to make this short. Basically, last summer we dated for two months and we had sex only once, a week into the relationship. He broke up with me, but then we got back together four months later, and we have now been dating for over six months. We seem to be in a really great relationship: we are each other's best friends, have good sex, have a ton in common, etc. In the first three or so months of our relationship, we had sex ALL the time. A few times we even had sex up to five times a day. Around the four and five month mark, we still had great sex, but less often, but it was no big deal because we still did a pretty good amount of time. But in the past month, it seems like he never wants to have sex. The last time he rejected me he told me that I need to try harder because just "getting on top of me and kissing me isn't enough". He did not say it in a rude way, though. Is that normal? What else should I even do? I honestly don't know what to do to get him turned on enough to want to have sex with me. I assumed anyone would be turned on by getting laid on top of and kissed? I am just so confused and really hurt. By the way, I am 19 and he is 20. He also has told me that it seems like I hold back a lot and that he notices, which is probably true, but I think that is because I am so afraid of rejection again. I just feel like, he is the guy, he should want to have sex with me. Maybe this is the wrong type of thinking? I have considered that he may be cheating on me, but I really don't think he is the type of guy to do that, so I dismissed that idea. I just feel like I am so horny all the time, and it makes me feel weird because he doesn't seem to be, and he is a guy. Also, sex with him isn't just for pleasure, but it just makes me feel really emotionally close to him, and that's a big reason why this is making this all so hard to deal with. What should I do?

[Alty]

He's telling you what he wants and you're taking it as criticism, rejection. Instead you should be listening to what he wants, and realizing that he's telling you this because he cares about you and wants this relationship to work.

If you can't talk about sex, what turns you on, what doesn't, then how can you have sex?

Talk to him. Tell him your fears. Tell him what you like. Ask him what he likes. Communicate!

[Cat1864]

First thing, it sounds like you see sex as a major way to get affection and intimacy. It should be one of several ways that you connect as a couple. You should be able to relax together and talk about turn ons and fantasies and things you want to try.

Slow down and work on quality over quantity. Instead of a bunch of quickies (which is what you end up with you are having sex up to five times a day), take time to explore each other and find out the ways you both like to be touched. Don't rush to penetration just because he has an erection.

Do you masturbate? Do you have fantasies? Reading and movies along with communicating with him can give you ways to make good sex even better.