[agraen]

I'm 23 and he's 26. We've been living together for almost 2yrs. When I ask him he says it's because of religious reasons (he's Muslim but he's stopped praying). He LOVES to gamble and recently, he lost $2thousand in poker. I mean, if he gambles, why can't he have sex with me? They're both sins in the eyes of "god". I really love him but I hate religion because it gets in the way of "us". I'm the one who always has to make a move on him. Last time we had sex I looked into his eyes and he didn't look like he was enjoying it... it was as if he was doing me a favor and couldn't wait till it was over... I felt pathetic. I also have to stoop down to the pathetic level of blowing him so that he'll (on rare occasion) get in the mood. I know it's not because of my weight. I've always been slim and workout on a daily basis.

I stopped going to school so that I could always be there for him. I moved to Texas (from Florida) with him because he got accepted into a university here. Actually, I was the one who got him accepted into a university at all because I wrote ALL his papers and gave him A's in his classes (and I continue to do so). I know it goes against the ethics of education but I can't help being there for him... always. I cook, I clean, I've become the housewife I was afraid of becoming and he won't even repay me in the simplest way... by being intimate with me. I don't just want a friend in him. He gets more excited about going to the casino then seeing me naked. My self-esteem has hit rock-bottom and I'm depressed most of the time. Whenever I bring up the subject of sex, he says "it's b/c of my religion" and if I refuse to take that as a reasonable answer, he gets angry.

He's been lying to me too. He said he let his friend borrow $400.00 and that he let his brother borrow $2000.00 but when I logged into his bank account, these amounts were withdrawn from the casino he always goes to. He said it was a bank error but after he slept, I looked in his pocket and found a receipt with the casino's name on it for a wallet he claimed he bought me at the mall. I checked his phone's call log and his brother hasn't called him for the past two weeks. I'm sorry if I'm venting a little but I just feel that he's replaced me for poker and he only wants me now to do his homework and clean and cook for him. I've contemplated him cheating on me... he's gone a lot and hardly answers his phone. I just wish we were back to the days where we'd have sex 2-3 times a day instead of once every 3 months. I'm so young and I don't want to wast my life on him if he's not going to appreciate me and love me anymore.

It's been two days that I've refused to allow him to touch me. Every time he tries I back away or tell him to leave me alone and it's actually making him want to get closer to me because I deprive him of what's always been available. I'm trying this to see if I can reverse the "want." I'm always the one chasing after him trying to get some sex out of him so I want to see if this ignoring him thing will work at all. He's been avoiding having sex with me since last year during Ramadan and I'm going to get him back for the 10 months he's been intimately distant. I just wish there was another way of making him want me.

[Cat1864]

Where to start?

From what little you have written here, he may have a gambling problem. Look into support groups and programs for loved ones of compulsive gamblers. If it is becoming a compulsion rather than an entertainment, you need to be aware of what you are doing to enable his behavior.

Stop thinking of 'getting back' at him. Retaliation only causes more issues.

Stop doing his schoolwork for him. He needs to sink or swim on his own. Otherwise, he won't learn anything.

Stop acting like his mother. He needs more responsibility in the relationship and being taken care of is not encouraging him to stretch his abilities.

Get a job or go back to school or both. Use your mind to further your own ambitions and improve your own self-esteem.

Communicate with him. Sit down with no distractions and talk with him about the relationship and the issues. If need be, you might look into couple's counseling. Sometimes having a neutral third party mediating can help keep arguments and differences of opinion from becoming fights. You need to work as partners and come up with compromises that work for both of you.

If you don't like giving oral sex, then don't give it. Doing something that you are resentful for doing is not going to improve matters.

Being less about him and more about yourself and the relationship can be a way to get him to see where he needs to step up and help keep him interested in the working on his side of the relationship. However, don't turn it into game playing or retaliation. Communicate.

[EmbracingPose]

You're not breathing right now. He's muslim, so what? Enroll in school and get your stuff together... move into the dorm. Leave now. The longer you wait, the harder it'll be to leave in the future.

[justwant2help]

He has an addiction to gambling. It's like if someone is addicted to drugs, all they think about it the next fix. His fix is gambling. He may also be using you if you're the only reason he made it into college and you're doing all his work for him. He may not though, not meaning to offend just with a fresh eye it's what it seems. And he's blaming religion to mask his addiction(because it's rock solid to him something you won't question about too often) and the fact that it's all he thinks about is gambling. I would get out of this relationship. He's going to drag you down with him, until he & you will have nothing for his gambling. You can try to get him to get help with his addiction. But, just standing by just noticing he's lying is enabling him. The last thing you want to do is enable his addiction. Try and get him to get help, let him know you're there for him the whole way if he does get help. But, if he refuses over and over get out of this relationship before he starts pawning your things to gamble...