[confusednsad]

Okay. My fiancé and I used to have a really good - REALLY good - sex life. Until the past few months. Once in a while, he'll have 2-3 days when he actually wants it, but I always have to initiate - I can't remember the last time he initiated anything. He says he's attracted to me, I'm beautiful, hot, etc. but his actions state otherwise. He never touches me intimately anymore, but always wants to snuggle.

Example: Two nights ago, I walked up to him, dropped down on my knees and started to undo his pants. His reaction - "Not now! I want to watch a movie."

He used to get easily aroused by me barely touching him. Now it takes forever to get him aroused, if I can, and if he doesn't roll away and go to sleep.

I've asked him about it, and he said it isn't me at all, but he won't explain what's going on and it really hurts. I've always had a super-high sex drive. Maybe I'm just expecting more than I should?

What do I need to do?

[J_9]

How old are the two of you?

How long have you lived together?

How often do you have sex?

[confusednsad]

We're both 36. Have lived together for nearly a year. Used to have sex at least once a day - now more like once every few weeks.

[confusednsad]

God. Just noticed I answered your question in the wrong spot.

[J_9]

You did the right thing the first time you responded. Don't use the comments feature.

Now, you both are 36. Remember that a woman's sex drive increases as she ages and a man's decreases.

Also, having sex daily is a fairy tale. This only lasts during the "honeymoon stage" of the relationship.

Is he under any stress? Money? Job? How about his health? Is he on any medications?

[confusednsad]

He was under stress with his job and money, but things are looking up, now. No medications. And, yeah... I realize the daily thing doesn't last forever, but a couple of times a week would be good. Especially if he showed a little interest. Or ANY interest, for that matter...

[Fr_Chuck]

Stress from work and money can really be a serious issue for men, Many think they are not real men if they are not supplying for the family and so on.

Try and be sure there is no "stress" or push on the sex. When you are not wanting or having sex, talk about it, be open,

[confusednsad]

Stress from work and money seriously effects men that much? Oh, poor thing! I'll talk to him again about the sex thing - no pushing - and see what happens.

[J_9]

Stress from work and money seriously effects men that much?

Oh heavens yes!! And then us women think that our man isn't attracted to us any more... that adds even more stress because they actually are attracted to us, but have enough on their plate without knowing how we feel.

[Synnen]

It works that way for women, too. Just FYI.

If I'm stressed, tired, and worried about finances or how something is going to get done---my sex drive is GONE. Doesn't matter HOW attracted to my hubby I am--the mood just isn't there.

[confusednsad]

Guess I'm just weird. The more stressed I get, the more I want sex. Didn't even cross my mind that stress would have the opposite effect on him. He's still using porn, though... Think it's still just the stress, or is he replacing me with "the girls of porn" and hasn't got anything left for me afterwards?

[J_9]

He's not replacing you with porn. You see, men are visual creatures, and yes it's hard to perform with your lover if you are stressed, but it's easy to get off to a picture or a video. Why? Because they are not real. They have no expectations in the bedroom. There is no performance anxiety.

These woman won't get mad, or get their feeling hurt if he can't keep an erection.

This has nothing to do at all with you. It's just how a man's brain is hardwired.

[confusednsad]

Update... I spent the past couple of days reassuring him that he's doing well and everything is looking up - just had an amazing about of sex this morning. Was most definitely the stress! Thank you all for the input! It's good to know that porn isn't a "replacement", by the way. Hadn't thought about the "easy" "no worries" angle. :)

[J_9]

That's GREAT to hear! Thanks for the update!