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iiiiiii · Jun 8, 2011, 11:23 PM

Threads merged

She broke up with me about two months ago. And we were still talking every day until about one month ago. We were together 1 1/2 years, on-and-off, were best friends prior (sucks that was compromised), we love each other, but I don't know, things just always fall apart with us.

Anyway, I've run into her a few times, and I never know what to do.

The first time I ran into her since trying to cut communication was at a bar. She came up behind me, we exchanged an awkward "hi, how are you?" and I kept walking. I tried to be cordial despite how messed up the break up was. A bit later, she came back to me and said it hurt I was ignoring her, which didn't make sense. Then she said she missed me, and I was taken aback. I didn't know what to say, so kind of said nothing, and she became upset and walked away. It didn't really hit me until the next day. I felt confused and like I had turned my back on her, even though she broke up with me.

Next time we saw each other at a pub a block away from where I live. It was from a distance. I decided to leave, because I didn't want to deal with anything.

Then, just yesterday, after work I went to the bus stop so that I could go to court. As I was waiting there, on the phone, someone tapped my shoulder. It's her, of course, somehow. She's at the same bus stop. I continue talking on the phone and she sits next to me, on the bench. I finish talking on the phone, we look at each other, and both just laugh, because I guess we don't know what else to do. She said she didn't mean to bump in to me. I sid it's OK. We ask, how've you been, and then... we say nothing at all.

There was just so much going through my mind at the moment, I couldn't process it. I turned my body slightly away and acted like I was writing something that needs to be written in my spiral. I considered getting up to the other stop that's a block away, but that seemed too dramatic. After a while, I heard her cry, but even though she was next to me, I didn't look over. Then, I noticed her move to the adjacent bench and heard more crying. There's so much I want to say. But the bus gets there and I go to the back, she sits in the front, and when it gets to my stop I leave without saying bye.

I didn't know what to do. It was extremely awkward and also just sad. I was so close to this person, and now we can't even talk, it seems. Today in my confusion I felt like maybe we should reconnect. But I've been down that path. I know how messed up things get. Still, I can't help but feel confused. We really love each other. I guess we're just incompatible, and it's not going to work out? It's so strange that it didn't...

It just happened, I guess. Maybe I should just let it pass. But it'll happen again and create more confusion. I don't know..

Any advice?

amicon · Jun 8, 2011, 11:50 PM

It may well happen again, but you handle it by being polite and distant;a 'Hello' then walk away.

Other than that you stick to 100% no contact and allow yourself to heal from the break up.

BK201 · Jun 9, 2011, 05:06 AM

If it is a sure break up, these kind of contacts re-opens the wounds. Next time if you happen to meet by accident better talk to her openly that she is making it difficult for you, and why does she want. Again, is it a sure break up?

iiiiiii · Jun 9, 2011, 06:17 AM

Yes, I really think so. It's the longest we've been broken up. Things were pretty bad and stressful. As these things usually go, however, right now the bad things that happened and the way she'd act are hard to stay focused on, and I can't help but miss her.

It has been a month since trying to cut contact, but it seems like an eternity. These little encounters really, really sting...

BK201 · Jun 9, 2011, 06:49 AM

Leaving you must be hard for her. That is why these kind of behavior is displayed. But when you know that it is no way going to work, you have to let her get on her feet by herself. Do avoid even if she is getting hurt. Time will heal her, and yourself.

talaniman · Jun 9, 2011, 05:03 PM

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...rt-432423.html

Same best friend turned girlfriend, or did I miss something in between.

iiiiiii · Jun 13, 2011, 12:01 PM

Same person... we've broken up many times between then and now.

I guess it really wasn't meant to be, haha.

P.S. looking back at that post is so strange. Strange that I kept trying.

amicon · Jun 13, 2011, 12:03 PM

Well-a lesson learned I hope...

iiiiiii · Jun 20, 2011, 09:50 AM

I've posted here before, because I guess it helps. Some good advice. I've written about my break up and how when I've run into my ex it has been dramatic (on her part). We've been broken up for 2 1/2 months, but didn't stop talking till just over a month ago--it seemed for a moment we could try again.

Sorry if this is a bit convoluted:
I guess I'm writing now because I'm wondering if it's normal to still feel depressed and miss her, wonder why she thought it'd be best to break up, and so on. I also wonder if a lot of the depression is because I just haven't found someone else yet, which is dumb; I like to think that I can be OK alone. But I guess I'm not--not yet, at least.

I do keep busy though, I've been doing things I didn't do when I was with her, I have good friends, and I'm kind of casually dating (which is at most an ego boost). I have not spoken with her outside of running in to her and have completely avoided checking up on her in any way (internet included, which is tough, since she has a blog).Still, when I do think about her it brings me down. I don't like not having that person to call or have near. Maybe it just takes more time to get used to it. I also wonder, however, if I'm just a depressed person in general...

Another thing that bothers me is I learned that she has been hanging out with my sister--it seems, extensively--which she never did before. Not sure how to handle that. Should I even be upset? It's just kind of annoying. I think I will just ignore it.

This confusion sucks, as does being depressed. I want these negative feelings to stop.

redhed35 · Jun 20, 2011, 09:56 AM

How your feeling is normal, you had habits and routines with her, they take time to break.

It takes a little longer then a few weeks to be ready to date again, keep busy with what your doing, staying off her blog etc will help, perhaps she's hanging around your sister to get info on you and how your doing, who knows! BUT, you do need to ignore it and keep on moving forwards.

Take what you learned from this relationship and use it or not for the next time.

Now is a good time to learn about yourself, grow and mature.