[jaynie]

My mother is 61 years old, divorced and pretty much alone. She retired a number of years ago due to pain associated with severe arthritis. She has always had financial problems due in large part to living beyond her means. She filed bankruptcy several years ago and seems to have learned nothing from her mistakes. She is on a fixed income and yet has more pets than anyone I know (too many to even say - it's embarassing). She is a downward spiral financially and keeps telling me life is not worth living if she has to sell her pets. This has been going on for years - on and off. I have tried to find ways to help her make money - selling on eBay, working from home - but she finds fault with everything I recommend. I have offered to send her little bits of money now and then but I know in my heart that won't help because she won't stop digging herself in deeper and deeper.

I'm a 40 year old married woman. My husband and I have a combined income of about $55k a year and tons of debt from student loans still. I can't afford to pay off all of my mom's debts. And I can't stand watching her suffer. I feel sick inside because I can't do anything - and I know it's not "my problem". She's got serious psychological issues as far as dealing with reality and I can't get through to her. The rest of my family (my dad and my brother) pretty much disowned her years ago because she is so unstable and disruptive (even with that, my brother still pays half her mortgage because his name is on the deed and he doesn't want to be foreclosed on).

I live about 4 hours away from her and I walk around with the crisis hotline phone number on my cell, terrified that one day I'm going to have to use it. I don't think I can have her committed because she puts on a good face when she needs to. Plus, if I tried and failed, she would never, ever forgive me.

This anxiety is absolutely ruining my life. Every few days she sends me a crazy email telling me how she wishes god would take her and she can't go on. I don't know what to do.

.. . Thanks for reading this.

[Choux]

You know your first responsibility is to yourself and your family, right?

The ties to parents are so strong sometimes, I know, especially a mother, and mothers know how to manipulate their children, some mothers have no shame. :)

I think you have to work on untwisting your emotional ties to your toxic mother. That you can do, I did it. That is your main problem, believe it or not. When she sees that she can't manipulate your emotions, she'll be surprised.

Take the crisis hot line number off your phone... why do you have it there anyway? She is 4 hours away, the police will take care of any emergency, they know how to deal with crazy old ladies. :)

Start untangling yourself, girl. If you need help, get some advice from a good therapist. You're a big girl now, know that and be happy.

[mikeonuka]

I agree with Mrs Choux. Show Her to some Therapist. Send her for some outing for 1 week along with her pets.