[Sandrap55]

I'll try to make a long story short, but I really need some advice, please. I have been with my boyfriend (ex as of right now) for about 2 years. I am 21 years old, as is he. We are both each other's first real relationship/love. I do love him very dearly. We've had a great relationship for the most part and love each other very much.

I've struggled with a very controlling father who put me down and demanded things of me after the passing of my mother when I was 13. I've been doing all right though, but recently as I've gotten older, I've realized the controlling ways of my father that I was too young to see before. I've tried to break through and become independent, although I'm still living with him due to financial reasons.

Anyway, my ex boyfriend has never done me any wrong, never cheated, never hurt me in a serious way. He has lied about little things and we've had our ups and downs, but I recently realized it's due to my insecurities/jealousy problems. I never saw this before until just a few days ago, when we had our final straw. I put it all together and realized that I have been the cause of all our breakups and quarrels. I would always question him and sometimes tell him I have no trust in him, cry when I'm drunk and tell him how much he has hurt me, ridiculous things. I see now that I'm an emotional mess, that he's been dealing with for two years. I would get angry at the smallest things, if he looked over at another woman, if he went out with his friends over me, if he talked to another girl on Facebook. SIlly things like that got me so mad so many times.

We've even survived through long distance, about 3 hours apart, but he recently moved about 45 minutes away, so things have been absolutely great the last month or so. I've also been improving with my issues, and I've been very proud of myself, and feel like we took our relationship to the next level. We were discussing me moving in with him in a few months. Now, he has never brought up my issues to me, probably because he's too scared to offend me in some way, and I also have never brought them up for lack of making myself look like a loser (Is that wrong?)

My final point of the story is, a few nights ago, his best friend was throwing a party, and he asked me if I wanted to go. I feel like he was hesitant though, as he knows how I usually am around people (shy and quiet.) So, drinking serves as a crutch to me, because I can open up socially and be who I am. I had far too much to drink and became the opposite: a needy/attention deprived idiot who talked to all of his friends, flirting and whatnot for the slightest thing my boyfriend did that irritated me.

When drunk, those things become 10x more irritating/jealous to me. In short, I acted like a complete fool, was mad at him all night for no reason, flirted with his friends apparently to make him jealous, and then decided to tell him at the end of the night I couldn't be with him anymore. I did all of this without even knowing, or realizing what I was doing. He yelled at me and told me I wasn't the person he wanted to be with, that when it was just the two of us it's great, but when I'm around people he doesn't want to be with me. He called me weird and crazy. I left crying my eyes out and told him I just want a guy who will appreciate me and care about me, along with a bunch of other nonsense.

I understand now why he doesn't want to be with me anymore, I really did it this time. I apologized two days later and told him how terribly sorry I was, all he said was "thanks for apologizing" but won't talk to me other than that. I feel like he wants nothing more to do with me and probably sees me as a crazy, emotional disaster. I am depressed and devastated in myself. I love him and want to prove to him that I can be better than that. I realize my problems now, and really want to work on them, but I feel like that was the final straw and he is done trying.

What should I do? Please, any advice. I'm miserable.

[Wondergirl]

I love him and want to prove to him that I can be better than that. I realize my problems now, and really want to work on them, but I feel like that was the final straw and he is done trying. What should I do? Please, any advice. I'm miserable.

Get your rear in gear and start getting well. "I want to work on my problems." Okay, then do just that, work on them. Find yourself a counselor and meet with that person at least once a week. You need to get yourself straightened out no matter what. You owe it to yourself.

[talaniman]

Deal with your issues and get sober, and emotionally happy and then see if he likes the new you.

You have to do the work to get the reward.

Believe me, I know first hand that nobody believes a drunk who says sorry when they screw up, or the I will change promise. And that's really miserable, so I feel you!

Make the changes for yourself, and see who likes you. You may be pleasantly surprised.

[amicon]

These changes need to start happening now-and you should be changing for you not for anybody else.

So stop wanting to change,take active steps to start changing.

Once you've sorted yourself out you may find that your ex is but a distant memory.