[newwife26]

My husband has a son with his ex girlfriend, they were never married. In the life they had together, he was barely there, on the streets with drugs and then went to prison for four and a half years. He has changed his life now, and has been paying her money weekly;they have no current court order for any back child support or for any current child support, but he is still sending money every week. He doesn't know his son, has seen him a few times but they aren't well aquanted. She is constantly causing way too much stress and problems in our life, and is never satisfied with what he does. If he sends fifty, she wants sixty. If he sends a hundred, she wants two. She is constantly trying to control his life. For an ex drug addict, too much stress can equal relapse. He really wants to stay clean, but with all this stress he could very well relapse. We all agree that it would be at the best interest of everyone involved if he could give up his rights and let the step father adopt. He is completely willing to pay for any back child support she wants. He just wants to stay clean and this is something that could make or break him. Would this be grounds for allowing him to relinquish his rights? Or is there some other way we could go about this so that he will never have to speak with her or see her.

[AK lawyer]

It all depends upon whether her husband wishes to adopt. Your husband can relinquish, but normally only if the step-dad adopts.

[newwife26]

Every week when she starts blowing up his phone because he didn't pay his entire check like she wants, she nags and argues and they fight, and she always ends with why don't you just let him adopt? He would give his life for your son! And blah blah. But now that we are asking for this she is having a cow saying she is going to send him back to prison and he is a crappy father. She said she hopes they find us both dead in a gutter somewhere. I mean she is insane.

[joypulv]

You first asked if he can give up his rights so that the new husband can adopt - yes, he can. But now you say that you want this and she doesn't? Spite perhaps, over money.

For starters, he can stop picking up the phone. He can stop sending money. She can go to court and let them determine how much you owe for the past and present until adoption (I hope he has proof of how much he has given her). Plus the all-important visitation will be set, which he should want and ask for, so that he can keep contact with their son.

[newwife26]

He has proof of all the money he has sent, but it doesn't matter in the state of Texas, its all considered a gift when they finally go to court. And yes, origionally she is the one that asked if my husband would just let her new husband adopt. Well now my husband is agreeing, and she has changed her mind. My husband thinks it's the best solution for everyone involved. And now that its what he wants, she doesn't want it. If the rights were all left the same, is there some way we can get it so that they don't ever have to speak?

[ScottGem]

First, when posting a follow-up question or info, please use the Answer options at the bottom of the page rather than the Comments.

You are generally correct, that any payments he has made without a court order would be considered gifts. So why doesn't he go to court? He needs to go to court IMMEDIATELY to have support set properly. As part of this court order, he may be able to specify that payments be made through an agency and that there would be no contact.

The best solution would be to get the step father to adopt, of course. That would be the ONLY way he can have his rights terminated. But for him to continue the way things are is ridiculous. Tuesday morning he should be in court filing for court orders.

[newwife26]

Sorry, new to this site, didn't know how things worked. I'll reply in the answer box from now on. So, there is a way to have it so that he has no contact with her? And what happens if she says the step father doesn't want to adopt? Will that be the ONLY way to give up his rights?

[JudyKayTee]

Yes, the ONLY way that your husband doesn't have to support his child is if another person (a stepfather) agrees to adopt the child.

What would I do? I'd go to Court and get an Order for support and custody/visitation.

I would not simply send money. To begin with, that money is considered a gift because it is outside a Court Order and is NOT considered to be child support.

If the mother is unfit, prove it and get custody of the child.

[ScottGem]

Yes, the only way he will be allowed to relinquish his rights is with an adoption.

I can't guarantee the court will order no contact, but it is something he can ask for. And, as long as he wants no visitation and pays the court ordered support, I see no reason the court won't allow it.

[newwife26]

I wouldn't say she is unfit, I couldn't really because I don't know her that well. So trying to have the son taken away from her isn't really an option, we have nothing that would prove otherwise. All I know is how she is over the phone and in voicemails and how she just will absolutely not stop. We have to turn off our phones, block her from Facebook and then she calls our friends and family and won't leave them alone. She has claimed she filed and is waiting for a court date, but that was six months ago and when we call to see about it, they just well we don't see anything scheduled, that's all we can tell you. He sends money every week so she will let him see his son, but then when we do try to see him she throws a fit anyway. Its just unbelievable. I've never seen anything like it. Especially not when my husband is really trying. It would be different if he wasn't. I understand they had a rough life together ten years ago, but he is trying to make up for that.

[JudyKayTee]

Just keep in mind that if she alleges he is NOT supporting his son the Court will decide that the money, is in fact, GIFTS and not support. That's how it works without a support order.