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riseup25 · May 28, 2011, 06:35 AM

My question is how do you reach a stubborn, angry 18yr old son. He is graduatng from High school next week. He is attending the local community college. His Father and I are very happy he is pursuing his interests in Culinary. However since his junior year of high school, and turning 18. Seems this is the magic number teens really begin to change. He has gone from this great outgoing, easy going kid to a person who is in his own world. His lack of respect for his mother is zero! He has told me he is angry with me and doesn't like me. This is so sad for I really try as a parent to be there for him. He shuts me out. He talks to his dad and has more respect for him. He is the youngest of three boys. His brothers are successful with their careers and we have a great relationship. My youngest has told me to constantly leave him alone . He's "18 and has told me he has no curfew" . I struggle everyday in trying to reach him. I have tried to leave him alone and give space and that doesn't work. For example I can ask what he wants for dinner and he will just stand there as if I don't exist. People say I try to hard, and to leave him alone. I have done that and it goes nowhere. I am raising him no different then my other two boys. They turned out find. Please help for any advice. If you can relate to any of this please let me know. I will take any suggestions.

JudyKayTee · May 28, 2011, 06:49 AM

HE says he has no curfew? Do you set rules and enforce them? Sometimes if you make rules and then the child slides past them they lose respect.

Is this some form of anxiety due to starting college? He may also have decided that he's 18, almost out of high school and an adult. In that case I would suggest that he behave like an adult, which includes working and paying some (if not all) of his own bills and expenses.

I hate to ask but is he using drugs or alcohol?

I have five stepchildren. Four are respectful, well employed, a joy to spend time with. And then there's one with attitude toward everybody - more her father than me but does she ever have attitude! Why? I have no idea. Why do some children believe they are entitled... and others do not?

Hopefully it's just a phase at a certain age.

riseup25 · May 28, 2011, 07:01 AM

Actually he has a curfew because he still lives at home. We set rules and enforce them. There is always a consequence! He does not use drugs or alcohol. It's possible he has anxiety starting college. I totally believe all 18 year olds should act like an adult. But that is not always the case. He pays his own bills cell phone car insurance gas for his car. He's responsible that way. It's towards me. Good point a sense of entitlement. He definitely behaves like that. He once told me he couldn't stand my voice. Or look at me. I forgot to mention he has a breakout problem on his face. It really bothers him. We have gone to numerous doctors and hopefully for now it will start clearing up.

jenniepepsi · May 28, 2011, 04:09 PM

If he wants to play the 'grown up' card then treat him like a grown up. Grown ups have rules too. And if he can't abide by them, then he can find his own place to live.

He wants to pull the 'im 18 and an adult' crap then insist on a job while he goes to school, pay rent, half utilities, phone, luxuries. etc. or he can move out.

Then, once he is over his 'im an adult' phase (its a normal phase for newly 18 year olds) insist on basic (but FAIR) rules and make him follow them.

On the other side of othe coin, be sure that you as the parent, are being FAIR. He IS technically an adult now, and deserves more leeway and more responsibility. Tell him to be home by 12, or if he isn't home by then to call and let u know where he is. And make sure he undersetands that it is because you worrie for him and not becusae you are trying to lay down the law

jenniepepsi · May 28, 2011, 04:10 PM

If u think about it realistically, legally 18 IS the magic number. And we as parents really should spend the time from 15 or 16 and on up preparing them for life on their own, rather than trying to hold the reigns just a little bit longer.

QLP · Jun 1, 2011, 02:28 AM

Once my children reached adulthood I have always taken the line that my expectations of them should be as they would be for any adult.

That means if they have a problem with me they explain what that problem is in a respectful manner and we discuss.

Would you accept, 'I can't stand your voice,' from any other adult. I wouldn't, so I would not accept it from my offspring either. I would tell them to discuss whatever the real problem is or go work on it for themselves.

smearcase · Jun 1, 2011, 02:31 AM

Consider all possible causes.
Don't assume that any of them are out of the question.