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Locoti · May 27, 2011, 03:14 PM

Hi, I have lived with my girlfriend for the past 3 years. First year was great, second was OK, but this last year life had allot of pressure on us. My family was not there for either of us, I went in a deep depression , my girlfriend didn't know how to deal with me and her own problems. I eventually ended trying to kill myself multiple times. She did the best she knew. I surived and I been really improving my life after that year. We decided to separate and live apart for this summer until we figured out were we stand as couple.

She is really traumatized for all that happened, we really hurt each other. The last weeks before both moved we had some great time and the last thing we saw on the last day, we kissed and just agreed we had to talk about our feelings. A month passed and we couldn't talk to each other for how busy both of us were with our jobs.

Finally we talked and she decided that breaking up is the best thing for her, she is really emotionally troubled, she is living in an other city for the summer with her parents. She has really bad relation with her family specially with her parents . She doesn't have any kind of friends over there.

Conclusion, when we talked she just seems full of fear, she can't really talk to me, and she can't really trust me. She says she can't think of being in any relationship right now, and that includes everyone, she really wants to separate herself from everyone. And that's why she broke up with me. I truly worried about her and I deeply love this woman, it really hurts me seeing her like this. I would truly sacrifice anything for her, as long as I could take all that misery she is feeling away. But I don't known what to do, I don't know how to help her, and even how to talk to her about all this. I also don't want to lose her, and I want to show how much I love her.

I feel so guilty for all she is living right now. On the other hand she also seem really unstable, and I don't want to get hurt. What should I do? Anything is good advice, I just need to get some point of reference. Thanks

talaniman · May 27, 2011, 03:36 PM

Despite ALL your worries, fears, and guilt, you must leave her alone completely and move on with her life the way she wants too. Without you. Sorry guy, but she made her choices and you have to accept it, and get on with your own life. In time, you will get over this and be happy, but only if you forget trying to show her you care and leave her alone, PERIOD.

Locoti · May 27, 2011, 08:40 PM

She wants to talk, and be friends, I coudnt just ignore her. I just don't know how to help.

amicon · May 28, 2011, 12:18 AM

You can't help her,she has to figure her life out herself-on her own or with the help of a good therapist.

You need to heal from the break up,take care of yourself and your own health,so no more contact-and start living your own life.

talaniman · May 28, 2011, 05:09 AM

If she is the one initiating the contact, then you must be a lot less available to her. Or more bluntly honest and take more control of the situation by telling her it's a bad idea to stay in contact, and go through this misery and pain with her.

She made a choice to end the romance, so she has no right to torture you with her problems, and YOU have every right to do what's best for yourself without her.

You CAN ignore her, you just don't want to because, you want her to change her mind. That will never happen as long as she has you for an emotional tampon.

kcomissiong · May 31, 2011, 07:25 AM

I do understand your dilemma here. You want to be able to support her because she was there for you at a time when you were emotionally and mentally vulnerable. Now that she is in a similar situation, you want to be there the way they she was for you. However, if you have been in any kind of counseling or therapy, you know that you can't help a person who doesn't want your help. All you can do at this point is to offer your support and friendship if she even wants to take advantage of them, and then to leave her alone. If you keep harassing her, the hand she reaches for WILL NOT be yours.

You also need to consider your won emotional and mental health before trying to jump into her situation. You may be asking for a relapse by trying to fix, what sounds like a very traumatic situation.