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Erbear77 · May 2, 2011, 09:23 AM

My boyfriend and I have known each other for a few years, and been together for a year. He treats me like gold and we have an excellent relationship. We live together, and work so well together. I love him very much, I trust him, I confide in him, he is like my best friend. In October of this year he got fired from his job, and it seems that ever since then our sex life has dwindled. It has gone from having sex about 3-5 times a week, to having sex about 3-5 times a month. I have mentioned it to him in a calm nice manor a few times, and he always says he would like to have sex more often, and that he's going to change things, and make things better with our sex life again, and then he's good for about a week, and then it tapers off again. I don't know what else to do, my feelings are hurt and it's making me feel insecure about my body and sexual abilities. Of course every time I have brought it up, he absolutely is adamant about the fact that it has nothing to do with me, but after trying to resolve the issue so many times without success, it's hard to believe it's not me... HELP!

CravenMorhead · May 2, 2011, 09:32 AM

It isn't you.

He is stressed out because he is unemployed and isn't providing for you. Stress is a huge libido killer so he is telling the truth that it isn't you and you shouldn't take it as a reflection of his feelings for you.

It will probably wane until he is employed and back providing. I know this is a ancient concept, man providing for the family, but it is still relatevent for men in their world view. He has taken a serious hit to his ego and earning potential. He needs to get back into the market and back earning money. Once he destressing he will come back and he will... do whatever you used to do. If you know what I mean and I think you do.

Good Luck

Erbear77 · May 2, 2011, 09:44 AM

That just made me breath a sigh of relief, thank you so much for your insight, it was extremely helpful!

justwant2help · May 22, 2011, 04:50 PM

You said that it was fine until he got fired from his job. It honestly sounds like he's depressed. Depression affects all aspects of life (yes, even sex life). And although maybe to you sex would cheer you up it might not for him. Maybe the pressure of sex is also too much while he has so much on him already. After losing his job he may be worried about how to support himself and you. Guys want to be the provider & you said you live together. The weight of that on his shoulders, sex may be the furthest thing from his mind. Don't get your feeling hurt, be there for him without mentioning sex, then he may only do it out of obligation making it less appealing in the future. You may find that being there for him may show him just why he fell for you and bring the spark back. I know you're probably being there for him now, but make it more known. You might be surprised how it works out for you (: