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pink_tink · Apr 15, 2009, 12:05 PM

I've been with my boyfriend for nearly a year now, we really love each other. But we don't seen to have sex at all really ? We waited about 7months before we had it until we had things sorted. When we first done it it was amazing! And done it constant for 4days then it stopped and now nothing at all ! It always seems to be that wants it and he just shrugs it off. I try talking to him about it but he changes the subject.

I don't know what to do about it?

I'm even thinking of breaking up as I feel I have urges too but I do really love him, he is the best boyfriend in the world.

HELP!!

taoplr · Apr 15, 2009, 01:02 PM

Since sex was great at the beginning, he's probably physically OK. So the thing that changed is psychological/relational. You also say that you love each other, so one can assume that you trust each other and are good friends.

Talk with him about it. Gently insist on having a dialog. Don't let him change the subject. Your relationship depends on it.

Tell him that this missing piece is important to you, and that you want to understand his experience and his ideas about where sex fits into your relationship. Does he have issues with you? With being in a long-lasting relationship? If you are a gay couple (please forgive me if this is intrusive, but your screen name leads me to ask about this) is he lifelong gay? Or, has he started questioning his nature? If you are female, has your body changed?

Make it safe for him to tell you what is going on in him. Don't push for a return to sex; just understand his position, his issues. He owes you some candor and you can draw it out.

Revealing what he hasn't been comfortable revealing, and having it met with understanding could be enough to turn him back on. Or, he might feel constrained by being committed to one relationship, even though you get along well. The act of revealing himself safely and honestly to you makes you a "new" person.

I wish · Apr 15, 2009, 01:32 PM

We can speculate all day, but the person that you should be talking to is your boyfriend. He's the one with the answer.

pink_tink · Apr 15, 2009, 02:08 PM

taoplr - I am female and no my body hasn't changed at all since we started going out.

You say about issues with me I don't understand what you mean by that ? But I don't think he has about relationships this is first real long term relationship but it is him that wants to make it serious, I on the other hand have some issues and doubts with relationships as I had a few bad past experiences.

taoplr · Apr 15, 2009, 04:34 PM

Originally Posted by pink_tink

taoplr - I am female and no my body hasn't changed at all since we started going out.

OK That rules out one possibility.

You say about issues with me I don't understand what you mean by that ? But I don't think he has about relationships this is first real long term relationship but it is him that wants to make it serious, I on the other hand have some issues and doubts with relationships as I had a few bad past experiences.

By "issues with you" I mean is there something in your interactions that makes him uncomfortable being intimate or sexy? What changed?

Bottom line, you have to talk about it with him.

talaniman · Apr 16, 2009, 08:42 AM

The honeymoon is over, and now its time to work together through honest communications to identify, and resolve your issues. Then you will have a relationship that's healthy, and will grow.

Without that communications, you cannot do the work it takes to survive as a couple.

Oh you thought love would be enough? Its not, and sex ain't love. Things change, and you have to make some adjustments together.