[DoulaLC]

He needs to be the one to set her straight and let her know that he is with you and that she is not to threaten you (what did he say to that and when she threatens your daughter?). He has rights as the children's father. He does not have to go to where she is to see them. He should consider legal action to obtain scheduled visitation. These can then be at the home he shares with you, or out to a park for example, and she can't say anything about it. He should also be setting his family straight about their treatment of you.

He is letting her manipulate him, and he in turn manipulates you. He may love you, but it doesn't show in his behaviour. He should be with you and the child you have together, not sleeping over with her. Do you know if they are actually sleeping together? Where did he stay when he went to Riverside for a month?

If he has been sleeping with her, then it is up to you how you feel about it and whether you trust him.

Regardless, I would let him know what you need from him in how he handles this situation with this other woman. His contact with her should be regarding their children and nothing else. No daily phone calls, certainly no naked pictures sent, no sleeping over, etc.

Don't argue with him, no yelling, keep it very matter of fact. This is what you want and expect from him, is he or isn't he willing to do it. Try not to get caught up in the drama of this other woman. It might actually be feeding this guy's ego. Some men are lame and, while they may deny it, they get off on having women fight over them.

If he isn't going to be in your corner, and support you and protect you from mistreatment of these other people, he does not love you... no matter how much he might say that he does.

Once you talk to him and discuss some changes, see how he responds. Does he make excuses? Does he turn it back on you? Does he say that he will do one thing, but then does the opposite so that nothing changes? Or does he actually finally stand up for himself and for you?

How things go from here will maybe help you decide what your next move should be. You don't owe him anything. He may have helped you out before, but look what he is doing now to you, and allowing others to do to you. I'm not seeing much of anything that resembles honest and mature love.

Talk to him... see what he says and does. Then you will know how much he really loves you... or not.

[Synnen]

ok so in conclution, hes just useing me...and everytime he says he loves me its all sweet talk then??? believe me i know about his sweet mouth piece. but how can i make him make it clear to her that he is with me? hes told her before but she wony let him go...when she is not around we were happy now that she wants him soo involved with his kids me and him r just going slowly down the drain...and maybe ur right i just feel he has done so much for me that i dont want to leave but honestly this is mental
y and physically messing me up!

He is NOT with you. Or at least, he's not ONLY with you. He's probably feeding her the same lines of CRAP that he is feeding you.

Everything you've described to us shows me that YOU are the piece on the side, and SHE is his main relationship.

She doesn't HAVE to let him go--why would she? YOU don't have him, after all.

Just leave. This guy has NOTHING for you that doesn't make you seem like a cheap piece of trash--and that is EXACTLY how you will feel after a while if you continue to put up with him lying to you and cheating on you.

Are you THAT desperate for love that you'll put up with it?

Are you THAT dependent that you want to show your daughter that your relationship with him is all she should look forward to a guy giving her---leftovers, after he's done with his OTHER babymomma?

This is all about how HE treats you. SHE shouldn't even be a factor in how HE treats you. If he can't stand up for you, he doesn't love you, not really.

Find someone better.

[Cat1864]

he told me flat out he is the same person he was when he met me and im the one thats changing on him

I don't know if either of you understand the full implications of what he said in the first part of this statement: He is the same person he was when he met you. From what you have told us, he was in a relationship with her and expecting their second child when he dumped her to be with you. That points to a major character flaw in him. He does what he wants when he wants no matter what the cost to others is.

You are changing. You are a mother and you are starting to see him for what he really is.

In your first post, it sounds like his becoming a responsible father to his other children is a recent development. If so, what have they been talking about everyday for four years? It puts his 'forgetfulness' in a different light.

..now our whole relationship she has called him everyday [/B]just to talk then they end up fighting and then after all that they start laughing ...she send pictures of her self,naked and all..when i ask him y he hasnt deleted them he just saythat he forgot?..now after 4 years with him and a daughter he decides he wants to b there for his kids

He is not a 'knight in shining armor' and his name isn't 'Prince Charming'. He is a man who helped you when it fit his needs. That doesn't mean he doesn't love you in his own way. However, his way probably is not healthy for you in the long term.

When did you get pregnant have your daughter? Was it when you started getting more stable and possibly out-going? When you started finding your own feet to stand on?

No matter what happens between you, you need to get paternity established through legal measures and have a child support agreement set up. If she is as vindictive as it sounds like she could be, you need to protect your child and assets.

[Homegirl 50]

She is not the problem, he is. He wants both of you and that is not fair to either of you but she seems to be the one that has the most control. You have to ask yourself if you want to continue on with this because it is not likely going to change