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mizztazzy · May 12, 2011, 08:17 AM

Wow, its been a long time. I just wanted to refresh you all. I decided to work things out with my girlfriend. Eveything is going fine, although she still drinks quite often but it hasn't ever gone into that situation again. She is in anger management, and a lot of things happened during her childhood it seems.

The problem is my friends still do not want to hang out with me if she's around, and now its getting to the point where they barely even want to hang out with me now just because of the entire situation. This relationship will be 7 years this fall. My girlfriend now wants to move in together as we are living separately as she is saying that after 7 years, we should not still be having two separate lives.

It feels like a tugg of war with her and my friends. Yes I love my girlfriend, but I also love my friends. They were my main suppor when we broke up a few times out of the years. Any advice would be appreciated. I do want it to get to the point where they get along, but they still think of her as Crazy

amicon · May 12, 2011, 08:27 AM

She wants to move in with you,but do you want to live with her?

Moving in together should be a mutual decision.

As for your friends,can you talk to them and see if they can understand that she seems to be making some positive changes in her life?

If she has a drinking problem that should be addressed as well;has she had counseling?

mmresd · May 12, 2011, 09:10 AM

May I suggest that dating vampires is not always such a good idea? ;)

Just kidding. But man, you need to kick this girl out, she sounds pretty psycho. First of all, if she would have bit me like that I probably would have reacted a lot more aggressive than you did just out of instinct. And that bull$hit about her sending naked pictures to other guys because she was bored is dumb. She had nothing better to say and that is the only thing her mind could come up with in a confrontation. To me, if my girl shows her naked body to another man intentionally that is cheating, so her saying that it wasn't would have probably infuriated me more. You can always stay with her and cross your fingers in hope that this will never happen again, but if I was you I wouldn't run the risk and let her go, because I rather be myself than which a girl who could possibly kill me after having some booze. Or a girl who everyone knows what she looks like without clothes, that is even worse. It is your call though, make the right choice.

Cat1864 · May 12, 2011, 11:04 AM

She probably won't agree, but to me your relationship calender was reset to when you last decided to work on the issues together. The drinking and anger need to be under control for awhile before you make any move to join households. If she can't understand that, then she still needs a lot more help.

You should talk to your friends and be honest with them about still needing their support. She is making changes, but are they enough or will she revert to old ways if everyone starts letting their guard down.

You should have time apart from her with your friends as she should with hers. DO NOT allow her to become the center of your world.

Do work together and keep learning how to communicate with each other. Tear out the old foundation and build a new and stronger one or spend all of your time mending cracks.

Be honest with her. Be honest with yourself and don't ignore red flags and warning signs.

Take care of yourself.

vanheart · May 12, 2011, 08:52 PM

Doesn't seem like anything's changed. Honestly. Just you needing her back. Hmmm??
How you will be her enabler again.

Trust your gut. Let her fix herself first, before anything rash. Listen to your friends. They make sense to me.

Unless you are as addicted to her as she is to other things.

How about no her for a year?

Try it out. You may like it.

talaniman · May 12, 2011, 08:55 PM

My girlfriend now wants to move in together as we are living separately as she is saying that after 7 years, we should not still be having two separate lives.

Don't even consider it until she has proved beyond the shadow of a doubt, she has her life, and demons under control, for at least a year. Only a fool listens to a crazy, sick person, who can barely do what's right for themselves.