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Ellsmi · May 12, 2011, 12:31 AM

So me and my boyfriend/ex have been together for a little over 3 years, he's 22 and I'm 21. In October we broke up because he didn't feel the same but during thr break up he always looked for me. Since January things have been different. We act as if were together and he doesn't go out if I don't go with him. He's super affectionate with me. He constantly kisses me, hugs me, tells me he misses me, and thinks of things we should do. He comes over everyday and most days he even spends the night .He's going to the same university that I'm going to and he brought up us living together. He said he was really happy and we started talking about our relationship status and he said that we should get together. Yesterday we talked about us being and about love. So he said he loved me but wasn't in love with me. But that he still wanted to be together. During these past months he's even talked about getting married and how our kids are going to be... then he goes off and says he doesn't want to think about that because it freaks him out (when he's the one who brings it up).

He is so confusing. What is he thinking or what's going on? Why would he say that? Why would he do all these things if he didn't love me? Any advice? Thanks guys.

amicon · May 12, 2011, 12:40 AM

You need to ask him all these questions and tell him you deserve honest answers about what's going on.

If he doesn't see a future for the two of you,it's better you know now rather than later.

ken007nielsen · May 12, 2011, 01:54 AM

Could this be a miscommunication ? He's not in-love with you(infatuation) but he loves you. Actions speak louder than words.

thadevilsadvocate · May 12, 2011, 04:52 AM

In my opinion, it seems to be a sign of immaturity. It's seems like he wants to be with you, but maybe doesn't want to fully commit, leaving himself a way out. When I was about his age, this seemed to be a pretty common thing with guys and commitment.

In many cases, guys at this age don't know what they want. Everything sounds good to say, but backing it up is an entirely different issue.

I agree with the others that you should talk to him and explain that you don't understand his feelings/intentions.

mmresd · May 12, 2011, 09:01 AM

Originally Posted by Ellsmi

boyfriend/ex

Don't be in denial, he is your ex, not your "boyfriend/ex".

Originally Posted by Ellsmi

So he said he loved me but wasn't in love with me. But that he still wanted to be together. during these past months he's even talked about getting married and how our kids are going to be...then he goes off and says he doesn't want to think about that because it freaks him out (when hes the one who brings it up).

He is so confusing. what is he thinking or whats going on? Why would he say that? why would he do all these things if he didn't love me? Any advice? Thanks guys.

Why would he say those things? I am going to assume that whenever he spend the night you guys have some activity going on before going to sleep. Considering that I would say that he is keeping you as the back up. The famous line of "I love you, but I am not IN love with you" means, I want the benefits of being with you officially but without me having to be exclusive.

You need to be strict here and tell him whether he wants to be with you the proper way or if he doesn't. If he does then consider taking him back because he is a guy that is not afraid to use you for his personal pleasure. And if he doesn't then go No Contact and have some respect for yourself and go out there and meet someone that is going to want to be with you for more than sex. Which is clearly what this guy is after, now if you want him to be a friends with benefits and you are OK with him also sleeping with other people then just continue doing what you are doing.

Good Luck,
Javi

talaniman · May 12, 2011, 10:23 AM

Like many young guys he wants the cow for the free milk, because he likes milk. FREE!! No commitment, no regrets if he sees a better cow.

Sorry, not that you are a cow, but he will only do as much as you allow him too! He ain't confused, just not ready to buy the cow yet. So stop giving away free milk, or your time.

Ellsmi · May 12, 2011, 12:43 PM

I have talked to him about our relationship and how the situation is. That's when he tells me that he loves me because we've together for so long and he tells me he still wants in the relationship to see "where it goes". He acts exactly the same as if nothing happened. Our relationship is literally the same as it was a year ago, so it is a bit confusing. My thoughts are if he doesn't feel the same, wouldn't it be different? We are litetally together everyday at every time. And why would he want to live with me? Thanks.

Ellsmi · May 12, 2011, 12:47 PM

I put ex and boyfriend because we broke up and got back together. Here ill just copy and paste what I wrote to someone else :)
I have talked to him about our relationship and how the situation is. That's when he tells me that he loves me because we've together for so long and he tells me he still wants in the relationship to see "where it goes". He acts exactly the same as if nothing happened. Our relationship is literally the same as it was a year ago, so it is a bit confusing. My thoughts are if he doesn't feel the same, wouldn't it be different? We are litetally together everyday at every time. And why would he want to live with me? Thanks.

mmresd · May 12, 2011, 02:23 PM

That is fine, but why be with someone who clearly shows that all he wants is sex. Reread the final paragraph of my post.

dwidrick · May 13, 2011, 12:37 PM

I was told the same thing by my ex girlfriend...

The difference is we aren't in any position to hang out to work on us even if she wanted to give us another shot.
I agree with the others, if he isn't committed enough to be official and work on you two as a couple the I wouldn't waste time worrying what he is thinking. Letting him hang around like this will only make it harder for you until he makes a decision one way or the other.