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dwidrick · May 9, 2011, 06:36 AM

Just wondering what everyone's thoughts are on this...

I know there is the general consensus that the best way to move on from an ex is time and a process of making yourself happy before getting into any other relationships... whether new or old.

My question is it also possible after a certain time, maybe not fully moved on but to the point where you are enjoying where you are at mentally and physically, that a new person can come into your life that puts you at ease and makes you in a sense forget all about your ex?

Is this a valid point or am I "barking up the wrong tree" with this for lack of a better word?

talaniman · May 9, 2011, 10:01 AM

I think anything is possible as long as you are honest with yourself, and with others. Its never fair to use anyone for your own gain without giving them honest facts so they can make their own choice.

dwidrick · May 9, 2011, 10:08 AM

Great insight as usual :)

southamerica · May 9, 2011, 10:09 AM

Don't put yourself into another commitment until YOU are ready to.

You have really come a long way, don't stunt your emotional healing by putting your heart in another relationship until you're good and ready.

And make sure that anyone you date knows where you stand, where she stands, where things can/can't go. That way, she knows what's up beforehand and won't end up feeling used or blind-sided.

dwidrick · May 9, 2011, 10:19 AM

I agree... And to this point I have been very honest and upfront with her and the situation. There is no rush and I know this and don't plan to take any excessive leaps into anything right now.

It is simply nice interacting with someone that isn't scared off by my current situation, and that still would like to get to know me.

talaniman · May 9, 2011, 10:49 AM

Yes its nice to interact after a break up, and the more the merrier. Then you don't depend on just one person, to have interactions with, and maybe you won't get carried away by the attention that one person gives you.

dwidrick · May 9, 2011, 11:02 AM

Very true, and I can say that there have been quite a few more than just this one wanting to interact with me. But I can just tell that I really enjoy her time exponentially more than any of the others.

I will try not to get carried away with the one... but if that one does get me to another level of happiness is that necessarily a bad thing? (Obviously in a short period probably, but I am thinking more of over time as I take it slow)

talaniman · May 9, 2011, 11:16 AM

Thinking to far into the future is getting carried away. Try one day at a time, and see what happens, and act accordingly.

When the water gets too deep, move to shallow water.

Don't go for a dunk, if you can't jump. Learn to make lay ups, they count the same. Just not as spectacular.

Get my meaning? Know the difference between what you can do, and just want to do. I mean what happens when you jump in a 12 foot pool, and can't swim. Make sense???

Dating is practice for a relationship, which is practice for marriage. Dating is where you learn to be a good partner, and how to choose a good partner for yourself.

dwidrick · May 9, 2011, 11:19 AM

Makes perfect sense. I am a sports guy so those analogies are quite easy to follow. Very clever too I might add!

mmresd · May 9, 2011, 12:57 PM

Of course it is! That is the whole theory behind a "rebound", however if you care about this person, I wouldn't recommend to use them for a rebound relationship because they have a low chance of succeeding.

Good Luck,
Javi

dwidrick · May 9, 2011, 01:06 PM

I understand why you think that. I would like to add that I have already made the mistake of hanging with a girl prior to this and realized that I wasn't ready for something like that because I was still hung up on my ex. She knew I was but still tried to get me to spend time with her.

Right now I don't have that same hang up with my ex and my feelings toward this girl feel 180 degrees different than what they were like with the other. I am not saying this means it wouldn't be another rebound, it just doesn't feel anything like the previous to me.

vanheart · May 9, 2011, 06:21 PM

You have to understand who you are first.

Before you get into relationships.

Especially to try to have a warm body, thinking that's going to help you heal or understand. Or fix things.

What's the rush?

"I am not saying this means it wouldn't be another rebound" BUT...

Listen to that statement closer. Take out the negatives. ("I am saying this means it would be another rebound")

ANOTHER is the key.

See?

amicon · May 9, 2011, 11:30 PM

Another rebound,dwid?

Freudian slip..

dwidrick · May 10, 2011, 06:58 AM

From how you guys are explaining it... yes it very well could be. I am simply saying that interacting with this girl compared to the previous doesn't have that same "I don't know if is should do this" kind of thing, its completely different.

For one she knows where I stand, so there is no rush or anything like that, which I don't want to do anyway. I was just wondering if it essentially means nothing, and it is just something that can simply vary from one to the next without actually meaning that I have made progress.

dwidrick · May 10, 2011, 07:00 AM

Darn you and your twisted analysis :)

amicon · May 10, 2011, 07:47 AM

What did Tal say,the more the merrier?

As in,get to know people,plural-take it one day at the time;from what your writing,I pick up that you might be thinking what if this new girl is a future girlfriend...

Which is too much,too soon...

dwidrick · May 10, 2011, 07:56 AM

Well put... you are right I can't think that way yet.

amicon · May 10, 2011, 08:29 AM

Isn't it great to have a bunch of Agony Aunts breathing down your neck??

dwidrick · May 10, 2011, 08:56 AM

Haha if I didn't want any input I wouldn't be on here would I?
That said I appreciate the different opinions the different users here provide. Ultimately this is all something that I have to learn on my own, but the added input doesn't hurt :)