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imouto · Apr 25, 2011, 12:20 AM

So I'm in a very loving relationship with the man of my dreams, he's even moving countries to come live near me! And everything is perfect except for the fact that when I brought up the topic of sex he responded awkwardly saying he thought it was "icky". I have severe HLS (high libido syndrome, which is difficult even with an eager partner... ) and I'm concerned that after he moves here things won't work out and it'll ruin everything... Any advice on how to talk to him about it?
Note-- he's 19 and I'm 16 if that helps at all?

tickle · Apr 25, 2011, 03:34 AM

At 19 if a young man thinks sex is 'icky' there has to be something seriously wrong with his maturity level.

Tick

ScottGem · Apr 25, 2011, 03:35 AM

And at 16 you should not be engaging in sexual intercourse.

imouto · Apr 25, 2011, 06:20 AM

He has some really serious anxiety issues, he used to feel like he was going to die every time he'd get an assignment in school but he's gotten a bit better... You think counselling would help?

Gem_1995 · Apr 25, 2011, 07:08 AM

Why? At 16 a person is legal by law to be ingaging in sexual activity if they wish to!

Curlyben · Apr 25, 2011, 08:22 AM

Originally Posted by Gem_1995

Why? At 16 a person is legal by law to be ingaging in sexual activity if they wish to!

NOT actually true, it various greatly depending on Country!

ScottGem · Apr 25, 2011, 03:00 PM

Comment on ScottGem's post
Quote:
Originally Posted by ScottGem View Post
And at 16 you should not be engaging in sexual intercourse.
Why? At 16 a person is legal by law to be ingaging in sexual activity if they wish to!

Legal is not the issue. NO ONE should be engaging in sexual intercourse unless they are financially, emotionally and physically prepared to have a child. At 16 I doubt if she meets the first and third points.

Synnen · Apr 25, 2011, 03:09 PM

What doctor diagnosed you with HLS?

Are you able to cope with a baby right now?

Are you aware that if you are in the US, you are most likely committing a crime that could get you labeled as a sex offender if you have sex with him?

Have you ever heard of masturbation?

Fr_Chuck · Apr 25, 2011, 07:39 PM

The issue is that 16 may or may not be legal, ( it is 18 in many places)

But the issue is that at 16 legal and mature enough is two different things.

Alty · Apr 25, 2011, 09:05 PM

Are you aware that if you are in the US, you are most likely committing a crime that could get you labeled as a sex offender if you have sex with him?

Synn, just want to point out that the OP is the 16 year old, the boyfriend is 19, so he'd be the sex offender. :)

Synnen · Apr 26, 2011, 05:32 AM

Originally Posted by Altenweg

Synn, just want to point out that the OP is the 16 year old, the boyfriend is 19, so he'd be the sex offender. :)

Ah, I read that backwards. Either way---what 16 year old has been DIAGNOSED with a high libido?

dontknownuthin · Apr 26, 2011, 01:49 PM

I heard a few men call sex with women "gross" but they were both gay and did not feel that way about sex with other men. I could understand because I'm a straight woman, and the idea of having sex with another woman kind of grosses me out because it's not my orientation - could he be gay?

I've also known people who are turned off by sex who were victims of sexual abuse.

Then there's the possibility he's just very immature and repressed sexually.

In any event, you've identified sexuality is important to you, and this is not a person who wants sexuality with you, so it's a dead end. Perhaps keep him as a friend, and seek intimacy and romance with someone else.

People who do not share your sexual desires can still be very loving and intimate with you emotionally, but if there's no physical connection, this is not the relationship for you.

Alty · Apr 26, 2011, 02:06 PM

Perhaps keep him as a friend, and seek intimacy and romance with someone else.

Just want to add to this, that you should wait until you're much older before you seek intimacy with anyone. At 16 sex shouldn't be the main thing, or even an issue, in any relationship you have.

tickle · Apr 26, 2011, 02:38 PM

Originally Posted by Altenweg

Just want to add to this, that you should wait until you're much older before you seek intimacy with anyone. At 16 sex shouldn't be the main thing, or even an issue, in any relationship you have.

Alty, OP states she has high libido syndrome so she supposedly is ready for sex any time any where. Synn asked who diagnosed her with that. Good question. But she could be a very *ready* l6 year old worked up with a lot of on line talk. I don't know. A lot of questions with this thread.

Anyway, this 'meeting of two bodies' will be an accident waiting to happen if he thinks sex is icky and she is ready to go anytime, anywhere.

OP wanted to know if counselling would help him..?

Alty · Apr 26, 2011, 02:40 PM

OP wanted to know if counselling would help him..?

If she's the one with a diagnosis of high libido syndrome, I'd say that counseling would be more beneficial for her. :)

imouto · Apr 26, 2011, 07:05 PM

Its legal here. That's not the issue xD

imouto · Apr 26, 2011, 07:10 PM

I've had two doctors and an endocrinologist tell me I have a hormone balance that causes HLS. Sex isn't the main part of my relationships but I've heard long term it can really mess stuff up if people are incompatible there. We're both financially independent of our parents (I'm an emancipated minor) and we're supposed to be moving in together after he gets back from his 2nd home in England. I'm just a little worried about the long term is all. I really don't want to lose him over something so silly. And about the kids question, I use the pill and have access to condoms so that's a nonissue. o-o

Synnen · Apr 27, 2011, 05:45 AM

Originally Posted by imouto

And about the kids question, I use the pill and have access to condoms so thats a nonissue. o-o

Gee, I'd believe you if I hadn't gotten pregnant at 16 using a condom, the pill and a spermicide--all correctly.

Birth control FAILS. Are you ready for a baby?

ITstudent2006 · Apr 27, 2011, 06:21 AM

Originally Posted by imouto

I really don't want to lose him over something so silly.

Silly? Then why post at all if you just think it's silly.

You're DTF anytime (presumably) and he's "ickie'd out" by sex. You may have the best relationship in the world but with no physical contact or intamacy, this relationship is most likely doomed.

Also, since you will not tell us where you live, we can not be certain that is is lawful to engage in sexual activities with a girl of 16. Therefore I think we need to stop advising until a location is determined!