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belightingguy · Apr 20, 2011, 02:23 PM

Hi. My girlfriend went out to dinner with a guy friend of hers last night that is only in town for a couple of days. When she returned home, she was wearing a dress that came about half way down her thighs, and knee high boots. She and her friend went to an Italian restaurant. I felt it was inappropriate and called her out on it. She is now super livid with me, saying she's going to move out, that I don't trust her, that I'm controlling, etc. I do trust her, but I think that she should dress a little more modest if she is going to go out for dinner with another guy. After all, I am her boyfriend, and I would like to think she would dress that way for me, but not for someone who she says is just a friend. She said she was in a hurry, that she always dresses that way, and she felt comfortable in it. Are these valid excuses? I told her I wouldn't go out with a girl that was a friend and dress to impress. Matter of fact, I wouldn't go out with a girl at all unless she was there. Did I have a right to call her out on it or did I over react? I'm 31 and she is 25. Thanks!

southamerica · Apr 20, 2011, 02:36 PM

I do think you overreacted. You either trust her or you don't trust her, which is it? If she normally dresses like that, then it is what it is and you shouldn't read into it. If you start trying to control what she wears-that's a red flag for her and she should be leaving you.

Now to turn the tables, she seems to have over reacted if she's wanting to move out, and she's telling you that you're controlling. But depending on how the conversation went between the two of you, I might react the same way as her if my boyfriend had been super accusatory.

Bottom line is-if you don't trust her, then leave. If you trust her, then do it fully.

Telling someone how to dress IS controlling them.

I wish you the best of luck.

JudyKayTee · Apr 20, 2011, 02:40 PM

I can't speak for her but I don't dress for my husband. I dress for me. Questioning whether her "excuses" are valid sounds like you were very accusatory and your comment that you wouldn't go out with anyone without her there makes you sound jealous and insecure.

And, yes, telling a person how to dress is controlling that person.

Do you not trust her based on your past behavior with what I guess is now your "ex" girlfriend? https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ml#post1468097

You cheated on your "ex;" are you afraid this girlfriend is going to cheat on you? If you don't change your thinking I'm guessing she's going to be gone.

ajwain · Apr 20, 2011, 11:08 PM

You over reacted!may be that was not her intention at all.. and you can't impose your views on her.she is a different person with diff thinking.not necessarily she ought to listen to your every command. you should give her some space.. interfering too much will spoil your relation.

Alty · Apr 20, 2011, 11:17 PM

You definitely overreacted. When I go out, no matter who I'm with, I dress the way I want to dress. It's not to impress anyone, it's to make myself feel good.

What would you have considered proper clothing for dinner, sweat pants and a ratty old t-shirt?

She's with you. She didn't hide that she went out to dinner with a friend. She told you that the friend is male. She didn't hide what she wore. She's not being at all secretive, so why are you so suspicious?

She has a right to be angry. You do not.

talaniman · Apr 22, 2011, 08:23 PM

Only insecure guys would make this a big deal. You have been in a few relationships so I don't know if this is the same girl as before or a new one, but telling someone how they should dress is not a good way to endear them to you.

Even if you had a problem with it there are better ways to express yourself other than making an argument out of it.