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Klrdvb · Apr 18, 2011, 03:25 AM

Dear All Advice Givers:

A little history:
Both of us are 37, in the process of getting a divorce and have children. Have been dating for a year. We both have keys to each of our homes.

On Friday, 4/15, we were over his apartment and was having a good time. We got into a mtlle argument over me talking to a realtor, (I asked if he wanted to move in and he said eventually, just didn't want to right after the divorce for the sake of his children, I agreed and never brought it up again). When I told him I spoke with a the realtor, he went off. I told him that he made his decision about not moving in so why couldn't I? We then talked it out and I thought everything was fine. I left and went home. Texted him that I was home safe, both said our goodnights and I love yous and made plans for

Saturday, 4/15 came and I didn't gety normal "Good morning sweetie" text. Thought it was odd, but chalked it up to he was busy. By noon, I still haven't heard from him. I texted him about dinner and he "appreciated the offer, he wasn't feeling well and wanted to have a 'me weekend'". I said OK. Then I get a text stating that he needs "space to sort thru his thoughts". I texted him back, saying I respect your space and won't contact you. AND I HAVEN'T.

It's Monday, 4/17 and no contact. I'm hurt, confused and a little betrayed. He said he loves me and that we are great together, then in the next breath, he says that it's getting harder to be with you instead of getting easier. His FB status hasn't changed and neither has mine.

How long do I give him for "his space"? When do I return his keys and his stuff? Should I take this as a cowardly way of a breakup and just end it myself?

Any and all advice is helpful. Sorry for the length. I'm very hurt and confused.

How long do I give him his space and not contact him? A week?

Sati

amicon · Apr 18, 2011, 03:56 AM

You leave it forever -needing space,wanting a break is coward speak for'my feelings have changed and I want out'.

You're both coming out of marriages,both have children-you both need to heal from the broken marriages before starting new relationships.

Your best plan is to move forward with your life,without him in it.

Klrdvb · Apr 18, 2011, 04:57 AM

Should I do the "laying the cards out" now? I want my stuff and keys back and I assume so does he.

Or give him a week and do it then...

talaniman · Apr 18, 2011, 10:37 AM

You may as well make a clean break now rather than later since you are in a hurry to move to the next level, but he is not. So what's the point??

Heck, neither of you is divorced yet so what's your hurry?

Klrdvb · Apr 18, 2011, 10:41 AM

Actually, he wasn't moving in with me. We both decided that wasn't a good idea. THAT was a mutual decision. So I wasn't rushing that. I still have keys to his apartment and he has keys to mine.

My concern is how long do I give him?

amicon · Apr 18, 2011, 11:31 AM

There's no time like the present,so asap.

Good luck.

Klrdvb · Apr 18, 2011, 12:07 PM

I want to give him his space. I know I love him and want to work this out.

I am afraid if I go to his house tonight that it will be the clincher and seals it.

Do I think that it will matter? Probably not, but I don't want to anger him by invaiding his "space".

I have not contacted him, and I won't until Wednesday. That should be sufficient enough time to sort his thoughts.

He hasn't asked for his keys or hasn't changed his FB status YET. I just wish if he has made up his mind he'd tell me, even if it's through a text.

I think I'm being fair and reasonable. Am I?

amicon · Apr 18, 2011, 12:13 PM

You know the one person you need to be fair and resonable with is you-not somebody who 'needs time to sort out his thoughts'.

People who love,repect and care about each other don't go off on breaks,they sort out whatever problems there are together.

Klrdvb · Apr 18, 2011, 12:20 PM

@ amicon, I appreciate all of your comments and advice.

I guess I am very confused and very hurt now. I go through crying boughts to anger. I can't eat and haven't eaten anything since Sat morning. Funny thing, I'm not even hungry AT ALL.

Part of mr wants to call him or go over to his house, part of me doesn't.

Part of me wants to go to his house when he is at work, give him his things and keys and take my things and keys WITHOUT him there. Then change my FB status.

I just don't know what to do, I really thought I would have heard from him by now. This hurts me so bad. I feel hurt, dismissed and even a little betrayed. Am I wrong to feel this way?

amicon · Apr 18, 2011, 12:31 PM

(You're welcome.)

Your feelings are normal.

That's why it's best to let your head rule your heart and maintain a dignified silence.

The keys can be returned through the mail,or locks can be changed.

And you must eat something,dry toast,doughnuts-you can't go for days with no food.

Klrdvb · Apr 18, 2011, 12:39 PM

He does have an expensive Movado watch that I really do want back.

It's a touchy situation. I want closure but then I am afraid to push to hard as it may just be the last straw.

I think I deserve closure either way. Even if it's through a text. I just don't understand.

He wasn't perfect, but neither was I, but he was perfect for me.

Even now, I love him.

Wish I could eat. It comes up if I do, I am drinking fluids.

Should I give him until Wednesday? Then just go over to his house after he is home?

amicon · Apr 18, 2011, 12:46 PM

I can only tell you what I'd do myself in similar situation-I'd cut my losses.

I would go spend some quality time with a good friend if I were you and do things to try and take my mind off things.

It's getting late here,so take care and be good to yourself.

Klrdvb · Apr 18, 2011, 01:24 PM

I appreciate all of your advice. I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

I think I will give him until Wednesday and then I will lay my cards on the table. By then I will know, especially if I don't hear from him, I will know.

vanheart · Apr 18, 2011, 09:08 PM

Sounds like he isn't for you. Don't rush into another relationship.

You haven't got a chance to even think after your divorce.

That's the real lesson here.

We all want love. But certainly not from the wrong person.

Don't waste time crying over him. Hes not worth it.

Never talk to him again.

amicon · Apr 18, 2011, 11:33 PM

Come back and tell us.
<cyberhug>

Klrdvb · Apr 19, 2011, 03:52 AM

As an update, I texted him, and pretty much had to pull it from him that he needed time for himself and his girls. I said what I felt.

Got the closure I needed. Do I hurt? Omg yes. Have I cried river x7? Yup, Can I ever forgive or forget what he did to me?? Never. It was a cowardly way of breaking up all the while your stringing someone along.

He wasn't perfect and neither was I. I was willing to make us work, he wasn't. I'm sore and I hurt,

I refuse to beg, and I can't ever really trust him. He was a coward, and if I didn't pull it out of him, I'd still never know.

What's done is done, and I know he ain't finding anyone else that will pit with the crap his ex and the drama she did to me.

amicon · Apr 19, 2011, 04:00 AM

Life's a b***h sometimes,eh?

I suggest no contact from now on-none,zilch,zero-and make sure you do things to start the healing process.

Maybe somewhere along the road be grateful that he showed his true colours sooner rather than later...

Klrdvb · Apr 19, 2011, 05:24 AM

I won't EVER talk to him. EVER.

I feel emotionally used, betrayed and hurt.

His rationale to why he ended via text "he didn't want me to verbally persuade him into doing something he didn't want to do". Seriously, *** is that liad of BS. I can't verbally persuade anyone to anything if they don't want to do it the first place. We aren't 15. Then he said now you knowhile I feel, I'll call you tomorrow night. I said save it, and I won't b there to answer the phone. So effin be it.

His reasoning is BS, because if you love someone as much as he said he loved me, he'd be willing to see if it could work and slam the door and say "I need to focus my time on my work and my girls and whatever is left, me.". Personally, I think "greener grasses" may have persuaded him and that if he saw or talked to me, he would have tried to work something out. Do I think he cheated on me, no, BUT I do feel something (or someone) is pulling him into making a decision for him. So effin be it. I'm done, stick a fork in me done.

It's over. I can't forgive and I know I won't ever forget what he did to me. I feel he is a coward and a

amicon · Apr 19, 2011, 05:29 AM

You've got him sussed I think-and the anger you're feeling will help you move on and get over him more quickly.

My opinion:He's an emotional incompetent and you're well rid of him.

You need him like a fish needs a bicycle.

Klrdvb · Apr 19, 2011, 05:55 AM

@ amicon I so appreciate your advice. A HUGE ((HUG)) to you.

I know in my heart I did NOTHING to deserve it. And if he loved me as he said he would have wanted to work it out.

He is childish, and a coward. As I lie on my bed, I know I am better off without him.

Contrary to what he thinks, he has just as much baggage as I do.

I know if I didn't pull it out of him, he would have used the "space" card and who the eff knows even try to come back. Especially once he found that it wasn't greener on the other side.

So effin be it.