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Imsorry101 · Apr 15, 2011, 02:15 AM

Hi, I have been married for 6 months, my wife and I were together for 3 years before. But throughout our relationship she accused me of cheating and me feel like I could not be trusted.last year I did something to prove a point, but we already broke up. I met someone and everybody said I'm a dog, but what it did do was show her what she had in me and not neglect my feelings, we eventually got back together and decided the distance was too much and get married. Now if I get a text message and don't show her she says it goes back to what she always talks about (me cheating on her)

amicon · Apr 15, 2011, 03:43 AM

So you got back together without resolving any of the issues that broke you up.

Then to add to the mixture of confusion, you got married!

I suggest couple's therapy,as you seem unable to communicate and solve your problems.

ken007nielsen · Apr 15, 2011, 03:45 AM

I can't understand on a personal level, but I can understand why you wanted to prove a point - being accused of something you haven't done is horrible - especially when it's from a loved one.

That point you needed to make, is a really bad one if you want to stay with your female without her accusations, even though you were already broken up - because I'm sure that it will haunt her!

But the issue is all on her side, she needs to work with her insecureties, and how that's done isent easy but I'm sure it's doable.

First off, she needs to know you love her, and that you are with her for a reason, so all this mistrust needs to stop.
And this is the hard part, she is going to need some tools to work with her insecurities - what worked for me personally is each time I got a stupid idea of something I would focus all my energy on thinking off something else!

And what you need to do is not allow this to happen anymore - give her a time frame of a few months 1-2, where she will have to change her ways - or you have to tell her that the marriage is off, because despite the fact that you do love her, you cannot bear all those accusations - and if she can't or isn't willing to change you see no other way than to end this relationship!

DoulaLC · Apr 15, 2011, 03:58 AM

I hope you aren't saying you got together with someone else simply to prove the point to her that she should be thankful for what she had and treat you better?

Had there been any reason for her not to trust you? Are there things that have occurred that might give her reason to feel that way or cause her to feel insecure? Things you have said or done during the relationship? Does she have experience of passed relationships where she was cheated on?

I agree with the idea of counseling if you want to try and resolve this and keep the marriage going.

Imsorry101 · Apr 15, 2011, 04:00 AM

We do communicate, I get to a point where I'm not wrong but apologise, where I have nothing to hide but act like it because we still fight over it. I know I will go home and tell her why exactly I closed the message, (which was because I get lots of them from different networks, e.g. VIDEO rentals, Gaming) when I recognised the number I went back in to see who it was from. (MY UNCLE). Its difficult because after we announced the marriage she started to trust me, but I think her insecurity is driven by the fact that we have issues in the bedroom, so we don't make love so often and she thinks I'm looking for it outside

amicon · Apr 15, 2011, 04:02 AM

Again,counseling-if you both want to save this marriage.

talaniman · Apr 15, 2011, 10:25 AM

COUPLES COUNSELING!!

You sound like a very young inexperienced couple that needs a lot of guidance. Don't get me wrong, all humans have flaws, and some take longer to figure out what to do about them than others, and we do make mistakes, but if you know there is a problem, then find solutions.

JudyKayTee · Apr 15, 2011, 03:40 PM

I have a different side on this (I think). She accused you of cheating; you broke up; you had a relationship with someone else to show your girlfriend what she had in you and would be missing?

Then you got back together and now she doesn't trust you?

I think you treat women like pawns in a game. What about the woman you had the relationship with to "prove your point?" What happens the next time you have a point to prove?

I also think you're a dog, broken up at the time or not - teaching someone a lesson never works out.

You need counselling.